NACW
Sunday Night
Slam Masters
LIVE from Anchorage, Alaska!
[Scotsman is shown outside a bar. He is drawing a black moustache on Jimmy with a crayon]
Jimmy: "It'll never work Scotsman!"
Scotsman: "It has to! You'll get into this bar with me. I'll introduce you to the whole wide world of alcohol."
Jimmy: "But I'm 6 years old! I should be playing with G.I. Joe figures, not downing a few pints!"
Scotsman: "No son of mine plays with toys when theres beer about."
Jimmy: "I'm not your son! And how the hell did you find this bar anyway? Its Alaska for gods sake!"
Scotsman: "Red Leaf told me about it. You know, he isn't that bad a guy. He said this is the sort of place I'll like. He said it suits me down to the ground. He said, and I quote, 'Scotsman my good friend. Go put on your sailor suit, and head to The Blue Lagoon. You won't need your dildo there, thats for sure.'"
Jimmy: "Uh oh..."
[Scotsman and Jimmy walk into the bar. There are lots of men dressed like pirates, construction workers, sailors and so on. They all look at Scotsman as he comes in and start to smile at him. Some wink at him..and a few come and hug him.]
Scotsman: "What a friendly place. That nice pirate just rubbed my left ass cheek. You wouldn't get that back home."
Jimmy: "What a stereotypical bar. This is awful."
[An old man comes up to Jimmy and starts rubbing his hair]
Old Man: "How much to have the kid for the night?"
Scotsman: "Sorry, but hes mine for tonight. Hes my cameraman."
Old Man: "Ah...you're one of those guys that like to video-tape? Do you sell?"
Scotsman: "Sell? Well no not really. I've never really thought of it. I mean...I give it away to one guy...who will give it to about 40 other males in a 'wire'..."
Old Man: "Hmm..bondage as well eh?"
Scotsman: "Well no not me..you should see guys like Josh Walters for that I guess. Anyway I want a drink."
Old Man: "Urination? Well I guess I can do that."
[The old man starts to take his pants off]
[Jimmy whispers something into Scotsmans ear]
Scotsman: "ITS A WHAT? WHAT THE HELL? OK THATS IT. ITS TIME TO TEACH YOU BOYS A LESSON!"
[Scotsman brings out his dildo....you can hear some of the guys 'ooh' and 'ahh' in delight]
Scotsman: "Hmm...ok that wasn't the reaction I was expecting..."
Stereotypical Pirate who has a lisp: "Ooooooohhh..big boy..what are you going to do with that? *giggle*"
Scotsman: "I'll show you what I'm going to do with it. I'm going to take it and smash you around the head with it.'
Stereotypical Pirate who has a lisp: "Ooooh...naughty boy..very well then..whip my head...whip my head I say!"
[Stereotypical Pirate who has a lisp starts unbuckling his belt]
Jimmy: "Lets run Mr Scotsman!"
Scotsman: "For once Jimmy..you've had a good idea...but first.."
[Scotsman picks up Jimmy, and throws him at the guys]
"He likes it from behind guys...and front..actually, wherever theres a hole..why dontcha stick your pole?"
[Scotsman then runs out the bar with the camera. He runs into an alleyway where he stops and looks into the camera.]
"Up next is the Ghetto Boyz. Know what? I don't really care. I'm concentrating on Red Beef and The Rebels. I'll let Jeremy deal with The Ghetto Girlz. Rebels..Beefy Leafy...you guys are on my hit list. I'll do whatever it takes to beat you chumps. Whether it be throwing you through a window, or ramming your head into a wall...whatever it takes, I got it. And next Sunday Red Cheif, I'll be dishing it out. The question is....can you take it?"
"We'll find out, next f'n Sunday."
[Scotsman throws the camera to the ground, and starts urinating on it as the transmission ends]
Steve White: Well, that was something interesting to start off the show.
Tony Davis: Aagh...it's too early to see a Scotsman interview.
White: Welcome to Sunday Night Slam Masters, I am Steve White, and joining my is Tony Davis. Conspicuous by his absence is Dan Mazin...
Davis: Who is resting quietly with a new jacket in a padded room...
White: Tony, don't you think you've made fun of him enough? He's in a mental hospital because you exploited his love for martial aids...
Davis: Martial aids?! What the heck are you talking about? The man likes dildos, and the Flying Scotsman was the one who exploited it, not me!
White: Well, speaking of Scotsman, he and Jeremy Rhodes have a fight next, so let's go to the ring.
NACW
Tag Team Semifinals
The Blood Brothers v. The Ghetto Boyz
Writer: Brian J. Blottie
*Scene opens on Tony Davis and Steve White, sitting at their booth. Dan's spot is replaced by Jimmy, The Flying Scotsman's cameraman. The scene zooms in on them, as they begin in speak*
Steve White: Welcome back, pro-wrestling fans! Joining us, exclusively for this match, is Jimmy, The Flying Scotsman's cameraman.
Jimmy: *Picking his nose* Almost� got� it�
Tony Davis: Ugh� do you really have to do that?
Jimmy: *Pulls his finger out of his nose, looks at it, then eats the snot off the tip* Do what?
TD: Never mind�
SW: The next match, Jimmy, is a semi-finals match in our mini-tournament to see who will be the NACW World Tag Team Champions, and it pits The Ghetto Boyz against The Blood Brothers, with features your boss, The Flying Scotsman. What do you see happening in this match.
Jimmy: I see the Ghetto Boyzzzz getting bloody, buddy.
SW: Um� ok. Let's get to the ring for the introductions.
Drew Fortesque: This next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a semi-final match in the NACW Tag Team Tournament!
*"187 Kill'um" by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg plays over the speakers. Wrench and Mr. Muscle, The Ghetto Boyz, come out, Wrench carrying a chair, Mr. Muscle with a trash can full of weapons. They toss the items into the ring, causing garbage to scatter everywhere. Drew rushes out of the ring, as Wrench grabs the mic*
Jimmy: Uh oh! I think he's gonna speak on dis!
TD: Huh?
Jimmy: Oh, it's g-slang, dawg. Aren't you down?
Wrench: Yo yo yo, whaz up, dawgs? Are you down wit dis ? Well, if your bitch asses aren't down, we got two words for ya�
Wrench and Mr. Muscle: *Flipping off the cameras* Y'ALL!
Voice: HEY!
*Appearing on the ramp is Patrick Gottsegen. He is carrying a mic with him, as he starts talking again*
Pato: You two act all hard, but I think I know a way to see if you're really as "hard" as you say you are. This next match is a no disqualification, no count out match, in which FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE! Let's see if you're hard!
Wrench: Yo, Mr. Prez! We gonna proves to you and to all these bitches that we're the hardest mother in the NACW. And that's the bottom line because�
*Wrench is cut off as "Look At Me" by Geri Halliwell starts to play, but it's not the normal version. It's the Scottish Bagpipes Re-Mix! The bleating of the bagpipes obliterates the arena's speakers, as The Flying Scotsman, then Leah Singleton come out. Finally, "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes comes out, though it's hard to recognize him. He is wearing a long-sleeved spandex/lycra blend shirt, with white sleeves up to the shoulder blades and black everywhere else. He is also wearing a long skirt with the British flag superimposed all the way around. His hair is long and blonde, and looks a lot like Geri Halliwell's new look. Actually, he looks A LOT like Geri Halliwell, only a bit more manly. He has a mic in his hand*
Jeremy Rhodes: Oh yeah. Straight outta Manchester, England, it's "The Lobo" in full-effect. See, any of us can be a "gangsta", Suburb Boys, but it takes a MAN to be HARDCORE!
*Rhodes and The Flying Scotsman rush to the ring, and slide in. As they do, they are assaulted by the Ghetto Boyz*
TD: Kinda odd for Rhodes to say that...
SW: This match quickly underway, as Jeremy Rhodes looks�
TD: GAYER THAN EVER! He HAS to be flaming, Steve�
SW: Regardless, he's getting beaten on by Wrench, who is just wailing on him with a nightstick. The Scotsman, on the other hand, is being decimated by Mr. Muscle via chair shots.
TD: Looks like this is going to be a short one, as the boys from the ghetto�
Jim: That's the Ghetto Boyzzzzzz�
TD: �whatever they're called, they're taking apart The Blood Brothers here.
SW: Mr. Muscle has stopped nailing Scots, and it picking him up to his feet. Muscle lifts up The Flying Scotsman and� MICHINOKU DRIVER! He's already going for a pin!
Ref: 1�
2�.
SW: KICKOUT BY THE FLYING SCOTSMAN! That was already too close for comfort, as Scots almost got beat there�
*The camera cuts to a man walking to the ringside area, to the announce booth. He hands Tony Davis a manilla envelope*
TD: What is this?
Messenger: I was told to deliver it to you, and wait for your reaction�
*Tony opens up the envelope, and pulls out several large 8x10 photos. He drops them, his jaw-wide open, and then he rushes at the messenger. He grabs him, lifting him up in the air*
TD: Where did you get these? WHO GAVE THEM TO YOU?!
Messenger: It was this guy in the back! His name's Clark! He gave me twenty bucks to give the envelope to you!
TD: What does he look like?
Messenger: He's wearing a black trenchcoat! You can't miss him! Please, Mr. Davis, don't�
*Tony tosses the messenger aside, as the messenger crawls away. Tony runs to the back, as Steve picks up the photos*
SW: Oh my� that's Tony's mom doing�
Jimmy: OH! OH! Let me see! Let me� UGH! That's disgusting! She has more rolls then a bakery!
SW: Fans, because of the content of these pictures, we cannot show you them on-air. But let me just tell you, whoever sent Tony these pictures is dead. These pictures are THAT serious.
Jimmy: His mom doesn't look that serious. She looks like she's having fun, actually�
SW: Jimmy, get your head out of the gutter, and let's get back to the match. The Flying Scotsman and Jeremy Rhodes have somehow made a comeback, as Scots is focusing on Mr. Muscle, while Rhodes is taking care of Wrench. Scots just grabbed two cookie sheets� and he smacks them together, with Mr. Muscle's head inbetween them! Scots drops one of the cookie sheets� and he bends the other over Mr. Muscle's head. MAN! You could hear that blow throughout this arena.
Jimmy: Rhodes, meanwhile, is using his opponent's namesake on him! Wrench is getting beaten with a wrench!
SW: How the hell are you that smart, Jimmy?
Jimmy: It takes years of practice, Steve. Which you've obviously never had�
SW: The Flying Scotsman is now hauling Mr. Muscle up� and drops him to the mat with a DDT. Scots grabs a chair, and puts it up against the corner. The Scotsman lifts up Muscle, and throws him into that chair! The Flying Scotsman has now grabbed another chair� and he puts it in front of Muscle's face! Scots backs up� DROPKICK! He dropkicked that chair into Muscle's face, smashing it between the two chairs.
Jimmy: Rhodes is now picking up a seemingly unconscious Wrench. He has a table set up near the corner, and he is now putting Wrench up on the top rope. Rhodes follows him� AND A PILEDRIVER! PILEDRIVER FROM THE TOP ROPE THROUGH A TABLE! Rhodes looks over to The Flying Scotsman, who has Muscle laid out near the other corner. Rhodes runs over, grabs The Scotsman by the head, the Scots hauls him up to the top rope. Rhodes with a spinning DDT on his own tag partner� DRIVING THE SCOTSMAN'S HEAD INTO MUSCLE'S STOMACH! Rhodes goes for the pin�
Ref: 1�
2�
SW: NO! KICKOUT! Wrench barely squeezes out of that pinning predicament.
Jimmy: The Flying Scotsman gets up, and runs over to the other side of the ring, and it looks like he's getting ready to charge. Jeremy Rhodes is hauling up Mr. Muscle. The Flying Scotsman gets ready� but Wrench grabbed Scots by the kilt, and threw him through the middle rope to the floor! Rhodes is looking over, trying to see what's taking Scots so long, and Mr. Muscle crotches Rhodes while he's not looking! Wrench goes into the trash can and pulls out� A KITCHEN SINK! THEY'RE USING EVERYTHING INCLUDING THE KITCHEN SINK! WRENCH DRIVES THAT SINK INTO RHODES BACK!
SW: Outside of the ring, The Flying Scotsman is trying to get up� but Wrench just delivered a sliding drop kick to the outside, into Scots face. Wrench hauls up The Flying Scotsman, lifts him up, and drops him face first over the guardrail. Scots' mouth is bleeding heavily from that blow.
Jimmy: Speaking of blowing, Mr. Muscle is in the ring.
SW: Aren't you going to call the action?
Jimmy: Oh yeah! Mr. Muscle is picking up Rhodes, and is slapping him across the back of his head. HEY! MUSCLE! HE'S NOT YOUR BITCH! STOP SMACKING HIM LIKE ONE!
SW: Muscle is distracted by Jimmy, as Rhodes is fighting his way to his feet�
Jimmy: SHUT UP, YOU BIG LUG! YOU'RE ABOUT AS HARDCORE AS SHOWTIME'S LATE NIGHT PROGRAMMING!
SW: Rhodes grabs Muscle from behind and delivers a hanging neckbreaker! Rhodes and Muscle are both down, hurting. In the meantime, The Flying Scotsman is being pounded into the back by Wrench. We're going to have a camera tail them as we keep a camera on the action in the ring.
Jimmy: Action?! There's about as much action in the ring as�
SW: Do you really need to make comparisons about everything?
Jimmy: Um� YES! There's about as much action in the ring as there is action in Johnny Coast's bedroom! As in, both men are on their backs, getting !
SW: Watch the language there. This is a live program, and the censors are having a hard enough time catching all the swearing.
Jimmy: Really? COOL!
SW: AH! Jimmy's mic has thankfully been cut off, as he is too "hardcore" for our censors. It looks like I'm going to be announcing this one alone for now. In the ring, both men are still down. Out in the back, we've just got our camera back there, and we're establishing our feed as of now. OH MY GOD! The Flying Scotsman is up in the air� AND A FULL BODY PRESS SLAM TO THE CEMENT FLOOR! Scots is down, but Wrench is hovering over him. Wrench starts to pick him up from behind, and grabs both his arms� NO WAY! A DOUBLE ARM-BAR SUPLEX ONTO THE CEMENT! This has to be the most brutal display I've seen in a long time. It looked as if Scots back was bent in half!
Let's zoom back to the ring, where the action is picking up again. Jeremy Rhodes is the first one up, but he is rather groggy. Mr. Muscle is hauling himself to his feet, but Rhodes sees it coming and grabs a trash can lid off of the mat and nails him with it! Muscle doesn't fall! Rhodes looks around again, and now grabs a frying pan off the mat and nails Muscle with it� MUSCLE DOESN"T FALL! Rhodes is staring, amazed, but he goes right back to the mat� NO WAY! He just grabbed a 2x4� AND HE BREAKS IT OVER MUSCLE'S HEAD! Muscle is down and out, and bleeding all over the mat.
Now back to The Flying Scotsman and Wrench� where Wrench has just flown around the corner! The Flying Scotsman is back up, and is going absolutely nuts back there! Scots has something in his hand� IT'S A COMPUTER PRINTER! THE FLYING SCOTSMAN JUST SHATTERED THAT PRINTER OVER WRENCH'S HEAD! Wrench is bleeding heavily from his head, and The Flying Scotsman just spit his own blood out of his mouth into Wrench's face! Scots pounding away on Wrench, and he's looking around for something. Looks like he's found� a pane of glass? OH MY GOD! HE JUST SHATTERED THAT PANE OF GLASS OVER WRENCH'S HEAD! WRENCH IS GUSHING BLOOD EVERYWHERE! The Flying Scotsman goes for the pin, as the second referee assigned to this match is making the count!
Ref: 1�
2�
SW: KICKOUT! Amazing! Wrench showing that he's more hardcore than we thought! Back in the ring, Rhodes is pulling Mr. Muscle out of the ring. Rhodes grabs a table, and sets it up. Rhodes now has Muscle� POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! Now Rhodes hauls Muscle up again, and is dragging him by his hair up the aisle. He drives his head into the barrier a couple times, and continues dragging him to the back.
Getting back to The Flying Scotsman and Wrench� Scots is still dominating the young man. Scots has a chair set up, and hooks Wrench under his arms� DOUBLE ARM DDT ONTO THE SET UP CHAIR! HE COULD HAVE KILLED HIM THERE! But it doesn't look like Scots is done, as he just opened up the door of someone's dressing room� it's our house band's dressing room! The Flying Scotsman just grabbed a set of drumsticks� HE'S PLAYING DRUMS ON WRENCH'S HEAD! AS HARD AS HE CAN HIT IT! And the sticks break! I'm not sure if that's merciful or not, because The Flying Scotsman is now getting up off of him. Let's switch� wait� we don't have to! Rhodes just tossed Mr. Muscle around the corner, as both men are down. We have another man coming up behind Rhodes, stumbling� it's Jack Daniels! He has a brown bag with a bottle in his hand� Rhodes just grabbed it from him. Rhodes grabs Muscle's head� HE SHATTERED THAT BOTTLE OVER HIS HEAD! Muscle is down, but Rhodes grabs his legs. Rhodes just said something to The Flying Scotsman� Scots manuevers himself behind Rhodes as Rhodes takes his legs and slingshots him towards The Flying Scotsman. Scots catches Muscle� AND POWERBOMBS HIM, SITTING WITH IT! A SLING-SHOT TIGER BOMB! Muscle is pinned, but Scots just let him back up. They're just having fun with these men at this point! Rhodes is beating on Muscle, as The Flying Scotsman hauls Wrench up, and drags him into another locker room� which happens to be The Scotsman's! Scots drags him over to the showers, and tosses him in. He cranks on the cold water! Wrench is being soaked in ice cold water, and he is awake and trying to get out of the shower. The Flying Scotsman walks to his locker, reaches in, and pulls out� THE DILDO! IT'S THE DILDO! OH GOD, NO!
Wait, we're being told to cut back to Rhodes, so we're going to do this in split-screen. Rhodes is being attacked by the Rebels! THE REBELS ARE NAILING HIM WITH SINGAPORE CANES! THEY'RE TEARING HIM APART WITH THEM! Rhodes is down, and he looks almost dead! Mr. Muscle is crawling over� while The Flying Scotsman grabs Wrench, and holds up his head�. THE MANDIBLE DILDO! THE MANDIBLE DILDO IS APPLIED! Scots reaches around� A MANDIBLE DILDO, SCOTTISH BREAKER COMBO! THE SCOTTISH DILDO! THE SCOTTISH DILDO! Muscle is on top of Rhodes, with the pin!
Ref: 1�
2�
SW: WRENCH TAPPED OUT!
Ref: 3!!!
SW: Both refs are calling for the bell! WHO WON?! WHO WON!?!? The refs have met in the hallway, and are talking� and they're asking for a replay! They're asking for a replay on the monitor in the back� THE BLOOD BROTHERS WIN! WRENCH TAPPED OUT BEFORE MR. MUSCLE GOT THE THREE! Wait� NO! THE REBELS ARE CONTINUING TO ATTACK THE BLOOD BROTHERS! THEY'RE BEATING THEM SENSELESS! IT'S "THE TRUE LIVING LEGEND" AND "THE PRODIGY"! JOSH WALTERS AND BRIAN J. BLOTTIE ARE FIGHTING THE REBELS OFF WITH CHAIRS! The Rebels run, as Blottie and Walters help The Blood Brothers up to their feet.
*Suddenly, you hear a thud*
SW: And now, back at the broadcast booth, is Tony Davis.
TD: Go back and act professional� Pato can kiss my�
SW: We're long overdue for a commercial, so we'll be back after this!
NACW
Official Result: The Blood Brothers win (The Flying Scotsman forces Mr. Muscle to submit to the Scottish...uh...Dildo).
NACW
Tag Team Semifinals
Jason and Eddie Deegan v. Chris Widmayer and VooDoo
Writer: Brandon Williams
Steve White: We're back and happy Dan Mazin ain't here.
Tony Davis: Damn Right. That load of applesauce isn't here and that's a positive. Another [positive] is the great matches we got here tonight.
Steve White: That right. Right now we've got the second half of the Tag Team Tournament Semi's, where the winner fight the Rebels and as we just saw earlier, the Blood Brothers in a three way war for the Tag Team Titles. We're just waiting for Drew now.
Drew Fortesque: Ladies and Gentlemen, this tag team contest of the Tag Team Mini-Tournament Semi-Finals is scheduled for one fall.
<"Shoots and Ladders" by Korn begins to play as Jason and Eddie Deegan
make their way to the ring.>
Drew Fortesque: Introducing first, Jason and Eddie, the Deegans!
<"American Woman" by Guess Who plays and VooDoo makes his way to the ring without "Crazy" Chris Widmayer.>
Steve White: Well here's VooDoo, so he's gonna go at it alone, against the Deegans.
Tony Davis: What if he can pull it off... This match and the Triangle Match, what'd happen to the tag team titles?
Steve White: Chris Widmayer's out with an injury, that's why Chris can't wrestle this match. Chris is the Light Heavyweight Champion, and Paul Davidson a little later on will make an announcement regarding the NACW Light Heavyweight Championship.
Tony Davis: You can guess what that's gonna be.
Steve White: Alright. VooDoo after Jason... Kicks, Rights... And a clothesline, knocks the Deegan Brother down. Cover, but he kicks out immediately, signaling that he's not even ready to be counted down in this match.
Tony Davis: VooDoo goes for a quick elbowdrop, but misses, gets back up and walks right into the Iceburner.
Steve White: No cover, instead tags to Eddie who goes to the top rope... Flying Elbowdrop, missed... Slides right over the Jason, tags back.
Tony Davis: What a dumbass.
Steve White: Well that's one side of it, and mine too.
Tony Davis: Its the only view of what Eddie just did!
Steve White: Eddie Deegan, obviously not ready to do battle with VooDoo.
Tony Davis: Its a god damn handicapped match!
Steve White: He still wants Jason to do battle. Jason, though, is a bit too cocky... VooDoo slowly getting up. Jason is posing for the crowd... VooDoo up, and VooDoo gets him with a rolling reverse cradle, but Eddie makes the save right away.
Tony Davis: That's the advantage they got. If they want to win the tag team titles tonight, they've got to go through VooDoo... VooDoo's a fighter. He'll fight rather than give up the opportunity to wrestle the Rebels... The opportunity to wrestle the Blood Brothers... If he's gonna go down, I agree with what he thinks... I think.. He thinks that he should go down in glory.
Steve White: VooDoo's only chance! Eddie now, the illegal man, slams VooDoo to the mat. Both Deegans up to the top rope. VooDoo looks one way, then the other... Double Flying Dropkick crushes him.
Tony Davis: That was synced like nothing I've ever seen! Perfect!
Steve White: Sure was!
Tony Davis: Atleast now Jason's going back out.
Steve White: Tony, Jason's the illegal man!
Tony Davis: Well atleast its now one-on-one. You can't expect the Referee to be flawless, not in the NACW.
Steve White: True, true, but what you can expect is great action. The NACW could have bumped this match, but we're here to give you the whole show.
Tony Davis: That's a raise.
Steve White: A what?
Tony Davis: Uh, nevermind, Steve. Pato is truly the best Commissioner the sport has ever seen. Screw Piper or Michaels... We love Pato!
Steve White: That's gotta be a raise.
Tony Davis: You think I didn't hear you, do you?
Steve White: I don't care.
Tony Davis: Damn, I didn't hear you.
Steve White: Back to the match. Eddie in, wrestling VooDoo. The one man team, VooDoo. Eddie with a vertical suplex, and bounces over. Cover. 1, 2, kickout. VooDoo is not anywhere near finished. Applies the Resthold.
Tony Davis: What do you think would be a better match... The Rebels vs. Blood Brothers vs. VooDoo, or the Deegans?
Steve White: The Deegans, more competitive.
Tony Davis: Or it'd be a squash.
Steve White: Squash? VooDoo isn't allowing a squash this match, he's being dominated, but he'll fight back. He may even win!
Tony Davis: He can't. Only if Eddie or Jason was incapacitated, that's the only case he'll win.
Steve White: They deserve to be decapitated... VooDoo brings Eddie up, yet still in the sleeper, throws him to the ropes, releasing the hold, and speaking of decapitation, that almost did it! VooDoo nailed him. Jason in, VooDoo clotheslines him over the top. VooDoo with the second wind. I said this could happen!
Tony Davis: Eddie, low blow, but VooDoo was turning around as he did it, and caught his arm!
Steve White: And throws him across the ring. Jason drags him out of the ring. Throws him into the railing... Jason goes charging and misses a clothesline, in which should have sent him all the way over the railing, into the crowd! Jason gets nailed into the same place VooDoo was supposed to go, the crowd!
Tony Davis: He's got Eddie one-on-one, now.
Steve White: For now.
Tony Davis: Yeah.
Steve White: VooDoo slides back in, but Eddie stomps him down, and takes control. Throws him into the turnbuckle... VooDoo comes bouncing back, Eddie goes for a lariat, but VooDoo ducks and crucifix, he counters with a crucifix! One, two, fast count sees two.
Tony Davis: Well it was out of excitement, that cover.
Steve White: VooDoo up first, before Eddie, and unloads... Vertical Suplex by VooDoo, Eddie falls right over, behind him, and VooDoo nails two quick elbows, and Irish Whips him. Belly-to-Belly Suplex by VooDoo. Jason, back onto the apron. Back from the big clothesline that sent him into the crowd.
Tony Davis: He was out a while.
Steve White: Yeah, a while it was. VooDoo picks Eddie Deegan back up, Irish Whip by VooDoo, which in-turn is reversed by Deegan, and Jason Deegan hits VooDoo on his way by, which distracts VooDoo, and the referee didn't quite catch. Eddie, picks him up from behind, by the arms... Crucifix Powerbomb Whip, the Outsider's Edge.
Tony Davis: That's unfair! I guess its wrestling, but this match should have been one vs. one at a time, not one vs. two. Or maybe VooDoo vs. one of the Deegans!
Steve White: What if VooDoo won that one, would it have to be Revenger vs. Scotsman vs. VooDoo? Or Rhodes vs. Blood Boy vs. VooDoo? It's the only fair way. Widmayer obviously couldn't wrestle, he wasn't cleared to do so, if it was up to him, he'd be out here kicking Deegan ass! I bet he wanted to, too.
Tony Davis: I guess its the only way. Look!
Steve White: Double Team... Flight 800, there's no kick outs here, not for VooDoo. Eddie covers, One........ Two...... Three. The Deegans shall advance against the Blood Brothers, Rhodes and Scotsman and the Rebels, Revenger and Blood Boy, the NACW Tag Team Championship Match... Coming later.
<"Shoots and Ladders" by Korn plays.>
Drew Fortesque: Here are your winners, the Deegans!
Steve White: Well, Tony, we knew it'd be the Deegans from when the bell rang, or before.
Tony Davis: Yeah. Without a partner, the Deegans are just too much for a man, even a young rookie like VooDoo to handle, or maybe it's the inexperience that cost him. We'll never know.
NACW
Official Result: The Deegans win (Eddie pins VooDoo with the double-team Flight 800).
NACW
One-Fall Match
Bob Booreng v. Shock
Writer: Alan Soriano
S.W: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Slam Masters! Its been an entertaining card so far, and up next we have Bob Booreng in action against Shock! Speaking of Shocks, last week, Bob Booreng stunned the world!
(Scene cuts from White to a scene from last weeks Slam Masters..)
S.W: When he beat a man bigger and more able in the ring than him, Rob Trainor. WIll The Bob win again?
(Scene changes back to announce table, where a man, mid fories with a cane, wearing a jean jacket and black shirt, sits down next to White.)
I am joined by a special guest commentator right now, Nick Bollea..Welcome Nick..
N.B: Good to be here, Steve..
S.W: The hardcore legend himself, retired due to a leg amputation, thats right folks, this guy is truly hardcore! Hired by NACW a couple of weeks ago, he now sits next to me. Its an honor...
N.B: Well its an honor to be here next to Steve White, and not that Mazin freak...
(Suddenly, "Playing with Lightning" By The Expansion Union plays..)
S.W: Lets go down to Drew Fortesque!
Ann: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL! INTRODUCING FIRST, WEIGHING IN AT 235 LBS..SHOCK!!
(Shock comes out to a mixed reaction from the fans, and not too loud of one. The words of the song can still be heard..SHock walks down slowly to the ring, then runs in and slides underneath the bottom rope and quickly stands...Then suddenly his music cuts, and "Real American" starts to play...)
S.W: What the hell?
N.B: Oh God, not Pat Pattersons stomach again!
(A record scratching is heard, and then "Hard Days Night" by The Beatles starts to play and the arena goes mad...)
Ann: AND HIS OPPONENT..ACCOMPANIED TO THE RING BY TONY DAVIS..WEIGHING IN AT 225 LBS..BOB BOOOORENG!!!!!
(Booreng walks out with Tony Davis, bathing in the support of the crowd..But not paying atention to where hes standing..Fortunately, Davis does and pushes Booreng out of the way of a single pyro blast...Booreng gets back up, with help from Tony, and waves to the crowd again...He walks down to the ring, climbs up the stairs, but is met by a hard right hand by SHock...The bell sounds as Booreng flies into the guardrail...)
*ding*
S.W: Okay fans, this should be..well, something...Shock now...On the apron..Booreng up..And SHock nails a flying cross body! And that sends Booreng right into the railing!
N.B: The back of his head hit the guardrail there, and he looks out!
S.W: Shock now, rolling Boorengs body into the ring...Booreng isint moving, Nick..
N.B; Well, Ive taken many shots to the head in my time, but none of them..Well..Knocked me straight out..
S.W: Shock, picks up Booreng..Firemans Carry..Samoan Drop! And down hard goes Booreng! Now he hooks a listless Booreng..Front Facelock..Hooks the arm..Textbook suplex! Had a little snap on it as well!
N.B: Booreng thus far showing no offense as SHock is setting him up on the top turnbuckle..This looks dangerous, Nick....
S.W: Im Steve, your Nick..
N.B: I like Stevie Nicks!
S.W: What was that about shots to the head? Shock setting him up..and..Oh man! He just nailed a Frankensteiner! And Booreng hit that mat with huge force! Shocks not through!
N.B: This just appears to be sadistic, Steve..Picks Booreng up..Face Buster! And Boorengs face bounced off the mat twice there! Quite an impact!
S.W: Tony Davis, my usual announce colleague, is slamming on the mat to get Booreng going, but Booreng is out like a light! And now Shock setting Booreng up..Leans him on the ropes..Shock off the opposite ropes...And..SPINNING HEEL KICK SENDS BOORENG OVER THE TOP AND SHOCK GOES WITH HIM! And SHocks knee, maybe inadvertantly, hit Booreng in between the eyes!
N.B: Shock slow to get up..Booreng...Still down..
S.W: This has been a travesty...Shock rolling Boorengs carcass into the ring again...Now Shock signaling for for something..Rolls into the ring..Picks Booreng up..Front Facelock...And Shock..DDT! Thats what he calls The ShockWave! Thats gotta be it!
N.B: Boorengs head..AGAIN..Bouncing off the mat...This is horrible...
S.W: And Shock looks angry..Hes talking to referee Jimmy B and pointing to Booreng..And he wants him to count for a knockout!
N.B: Not smart at all...SHould be going for the pin here...Jimmy B starting the count..And Tony Davis is running back up the entrance ramp! Whats this all about?
S.W: I dont know, but Jimmy B is on three now...And Shock just standing there, shaking his head...
N.B: Well, Jimmy is on 5 now..Wait..Tony Davis is running back down the entranceway..And is holding a cup of..RC Cola?
S.W: Why does he have a large Royal Crown Cola? Hes up on the apron now...And..asking Jimmy B if..He wants a sip?
N.B: What the..
S.W: And now he..He actually stopped the count to take a drink!
N.B: Boy, does that give Booreng some credit..
S.W: And now Shock over...And now he takes a sip! Lifting his mask just enough so he could take a sip of that Royal Crown refreshment!
N.B: Oh brother..
S.W: Now SHock just drank that whole thing! And now he has the cup..And..Oh man!
N.B: He didnt drink it all, he just splashed the rest on Boorengs head..
S.W: BOORENGS MOVING! Hes up! AT the count of nine! Shock is turned around..Booreng is on his feet! The crowd is going loco! Booreng..coming up behind Shock..HE SMACKED HIM! SMACKED HIM IN THE HEAD! Shock turns around..Clothesline attempt..Ducked by Booreng...Shock tries another..And Booreng backdrops him out of the ring!
N.B: This crowd is behind Booreng! Booreng now...HES ALL PSYCHED UP! Davis rolls Shock into the ring..Shock up..Booreng off the far side ropes...AND NAILS SHOCK WITH A FLYING SHOULDER BLOCK! Rollup...
1
2
3!!!
S.W: NO WAY! HE WINS AGAIN! HE WINS AGAIN! This place is going mad! Tony Davis is in the ring now and is raising Boorengs hand!
N.B: That was The Booreng Blast, Steve...That flying shoulder block knocked Shock down, and all Booreng had to do was roll him up..
S.W: SHock is on the outside, pissed with himself, and well he should be! he had Booreng from the beginning, but the resilient Booreng comes back and wins! Amazing!Well fans, we have to take a break now..Id like to thank Nick Bollea for joining us..Fans, We'll be back!
NACW
Official Result: Bob Booreng wins via pinfall following the Booreng Blast.
NACW
One-Fall Match
The Crushin' Russian v. "Hell's Angel" Jeremy Houston
Writer: Brandon Williams
Steve White: We're ready for our next match.
<"Intergalactic" by The Beastie Boyz plays. "Hell's Angel" Jeremy Houston makes his way down to the ring.>
Drew Fortesque: This contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring accompanied by "Heavenly" Helen Houstoen, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing 255 pounds, "Hell's Angel" Jeremy Houston!
Drew Fortesque: His opponent, from Moscow, Russia, weighing 283 pounds, The Crushin' Russian!
Steve White: Well Houston wants to fight! He's taking him back to the ring!
Tony Davis: What a wimp! Russian should be alot more professional than this! He shouldn't back down, the NACW doesn't need this kind of crap!
Steve White: We're off. Jeremy Houston, his debut here, against the Crushin' Russian... And certainly isn't a giveaway.
Tony Davis: No, it isn't. You're right. Crushin' Russian... Has he even lost yet?
Steve White: He is the top contender to fight The Lobo at World Tour II in Japan.
Tony Davis: For the United States Championship, right?
Steve White: Yeah. That's May 29th, if anyone needed reminding. Sapporo, Japan.
Tony Davis: I love that country.
Steve White: Japan?
Tony Davis: Great Wrestling. That's alot of four star stuff. The NACW, May 29th, will make it five star!
Steve White: We really think this too, we're not asking for a raise, are we?
Tony Davis: That's right. Well it is our job to promote stuff. Let's get to the wrestling.
Steve White: Russian and Houston... I like what I see on the outside, with his manager Helen Houstoen... That's his girlfriend... Similar last names, or maybe its just a typo. I don't know. Russian is just standing there, waiting for Jeremy to make his first move.
Tony Davis: Woah! Jeremy Houston, the rookie, dropkicks Russian, no effect! And he's 6'5", 255!
Steve White: Picks Russian, who has the the 30 pound weight advantage, mind you, up, and down with the front slam. Houston picks him up, Russian is on Houston's shoulders like a fireman's carry, and he falls right down, to the Samoan Drop. Great Power.
Tony Davis: That's for sure.
Steve White: Russian sits up, and Houston dropkicks him right in the face. Ugh.
Tony Davis: Great Target!
Steve White: On the money. Russian, slowly tries to get up. Jeremy stomps away, Russian feels little to none of it. Jeremy delivers a few knuckle pat punches, no effect.
Tony Davis: Is he even hitting him? It seems like it!
Steve White: Jeremy seemingly has given up trying to knock him straight down, he backs up and charges at him with a double-leg takedown, like a spear.
Tony Davis: He's unloading with punches, and Russian! OH MY GOD! He just pressed him off, and Houston flew like a bird into the turnbuckle, bounces back at Russian, Russian with a lazy lariat, like he wanted to get him down with ease! Put no power in it [the lariat], no direction.
Steve White: Yeah, Houston ducks it, and dropkicks Russian to the back of the head. Rolls him up from behind! One, two, no, no... Russian powers out.
Tony Davis: He really got out!
Steve White: Houston waits till Russian can manage to get himself back up...
Tony Davis: We're waiting!
Steve White: Houston helps him to his feet. Houston slams him back down. To the top is Houston, that's where he's going, he'll use his speed against the man from Russia, the Crushin' Russian.
Tony Davis: Hear about Boris Yeltsin?
Steve White: The Impeachment? Of course!
Tony Davis: Maybe Russian had something to do with it.
Steve White: Well he IS on the road with the NACW.
Tony Davis: Steve, we're in Alaska. Russia used to own Alaska. It used to be apart of Russia. Its pretty close to Russia. The world IS round.
Steve White: True, true...
Tony Davis: Exactly.
Steve White: Anyway, Russian, slow to get up, and he's not even looking --- Flying Bulldog by Houston! Looking the right way.
Tony Davis: Hear about Shane Douglas and the WWF?
Steve White: We shouldn't be talking about that kind of stuff on here. This is the NACW, not some dirt sheet.
Tony Davis: Well maybe if Russian would try, we could talk about something better!
Steve White: Cover after the Bulldog, awesome bulldog by Houston. One, two, thr.. thre... no!
Tony Davis: Biased Referee.
Steve White: Why'd you throw the pop can into the ring?
Tony Davis: Because it was a bad call! Russian isn't trying. They should make him lose!
Steve White: And Houston is giving it his all. Houston goes off the ropes. Russian ducks, and Houston flies over, sunset flip... One, two, kickout. Houston slams his hands against the mat in anger. He's getting impatient against this Russian.
Tony Davis: Uh oh.
Steve White: Russian's going to the top, what the hell is this? Russian off... into a powerslam by Houston! One, two, three! He got him! No, no, the referee counted three... But that was all! He lifted two fingers and threw that three out. Only two.
Tony Davis: That's it!
Steve White: No, you're not going down there!
Tony Davis: Jeremy Houston deserved the three!
Steve White: Jeremy slams Russian's head to the mat as he's trying to get up, Cover... One, two, kickout.
Tony Davis: THAT was almost it!
Steve White: Russian back up easily, throws Houston to the ropes, and Houston with some flying headscissors. One, two, thr... kickout.
Tony Davis: Three, three, three!
Steve White: Well yeah, but you're not the NACW trained official! You're the retired wrestler, turned into commentator.
Tony Davis: I know that THAT was a three. I've been in the ring enough to know it!
Steve White: Maybe it was.
Steve White: Jeremy is really upset. Houston is extremely pissed off at the referee. He didn't like that call. Russian is still down. Houston goes to the top. Frog Splash, yes! He got a great frog splash... Five ... Six Stars! Cover, no, he gets up. Goes back up... And another one, another frog splash on the Russian. No cover again. He's going for another... Looks like a moonsault... Russian's back up in time. He spins Houston around on the turnbuckle and Drop of Vodka!
Tony Davis: That'd be his... first move of the match that he hit?
Steve White: Yeah. One, two, three.
Drew Fortesque: Here is your winner, the Crushin' Russian!
Tony Davis: Houston was ripped off! That's gotta go back to the office!
Steve White: In any event, referee's decision is final, and well, The Russian continues his winning ways here in the NACW.
NACW
Official Result: The Crushin' Russian wins via pinfall following the Drop of Vodka.
Paul Davidson: I hope everyone is doing good tonight!
Davidson: How is everyone enjoying the first major wrestling card here in Alaska since God-know-when?
Davidson: Okay, we've got some serious executive stuff going on here, and it involves Chris Widmayer. Recently, Chris Widmayer was admitted to a New Orleans hospital after getting into a fight with an independent wrestler in one of his interviews. He was diagnosed with a severe concussion, which means that he will not be able to get medical clearance to wrestle for at least...at least the next month. This is why VooDoo wrestled a valiant effort in a handicap match against Jason and Eddie Deegan.
Davidson: Now, since Widmayer cannot get medical clearence to compete for the next month because of his condition, we have a little problem. You see, at World Tour II, Mr. Widmayer was scheduled to fight a man whom I'm sure you all know and love, Bob Booreng.
Davidson: The NACW Rulebook clearly states that if a champion has a match scheduled and cannot compete for any reason, be it injury or otherwise, then the champion will then be forced to forfeit his title to the challenger. In this case, Chris Widmayer, the NACW Light Heavyweight Champion, cannot defend his belt against Bob Booreng, his scheduled challenger, so, at World Tour II, Bob Booreng will officially become the new NACW Light Heavyweight Champion, and not a minute sooner.
Davidson: Hold on, hold on. Mr. Booreng will have to defend his title against an opponent at World Tour II, and as I scanned the roster for someone not involved on the card, it didn't take long before I found someone. That someone is former NACW Television Champion Big O!
Davidson: So, at World Tour II, Chris Widmayer forfeits his title to Bob Booreng, and Booreng will then defend the title against Big O! Thank you!
Davis: YES! YES! BOORENG IS DA MAN!
White: What a big announcement from the owner of the NACW! Bob Booreng will become the NACW Light Heavyweight Champion, and then defend it in the same night against Big O!
Davis: I LOVE IT!
White: Let's go to the ring, where we have a World Tour II preview!
NACW
WORLD TOUR II PREVIEW!
Josh Walters and Bryan Storm v. Rob Trainor and Shaun McWhirter
Writer: Brian J. Blottie
Steve White: Ladies and gentlemen, we just got word from the back that Shaun McWhirter and Rob Trainor's plane had problems, and they are not here tonight. Instead of trying to put on a match that would not compare to that match, here is the new music video from Geri Halliwell!
*The video begins to play, and you can hear commentary from Steve White and Tony Davis*
SW: Man, now THIS is a real artist.
TD: Isn't that the red head from the Spice Girls?
SW: Yep!
TD: Man, I'd like to put a little spice in that girl!
SW: Heh� I'd like to put a little ginger in her Halliwell! What� the mics are� still� on? Ahem! We'll be back after this!
[Editor's Note: If you weren't able to tell, I think Mr. Blottie is making fun of the fact I like the Spice Girls and Geri Halliwell. Well, he likes...um...oh, hell. Who cares? Nobody was really looking forward to this match anyway, right? No knock on Josh, but it kinda would've sucked. - Justin]
NACW
Official Result: No match.
NACW
Tag Team Finals
Three-Way Dance
The Blood Brothers v. The Deegans v. The Rebels
Writer: Alan Soriano
S.W: Welcome back to Slam Masters..Steve WHite, Tony Davis, here in Alaska!
T.D: Its been a pretty big crowd for an Alaskan event, and its all because of..
S.W: The main event?
T.D: No..
S.W: The finals of the tag team tournament coming up next?
T.D: No..
S.W: Than what?
T.D: BOORENG! The streak continues, and he's going to win the Light Heavyweight Title!
S.W: Oh brother...Your still on that Booreng high?
T.D: You see that guy tonight? I tell you, hes going places, higher than the Light Heavyweight title, I'm willing to bet!
S.W: Okay, Tony..Moving right along here..We have a three team, six man tag team final bout here between The Rebels, The Deegans, and The Blood Brothers..No holds barred, all legal! Lets go down to Drew Fortesque...Wait a minute..We..And look at that! The Deegans have just been attacked from behind by the Rebels! And here comes Scotsman to join the fray..Dragging Rhodes out..God, he looks horrible..
T.D: Well, Rhodes did need sticthes after his earlier bout..Wrench and The Rebels did a huge number on Rhodes, and he lost a lot of blood!
S.W: All three teams are brawling now, so much for intros! Jason Deegan has Scotsman now..And has just thrown him into the guard rail! Rhodes is exchanging right hands with Revenger! And Eddie Deegan just DDT'ed Blood Boy onto the metal entrance ramp!
T.D: AND THERE GOES DEEGAN INTO THE CROWD! Scotsman..Climbs the guardrail..Corkscrew Plancha onto Deegan in the crowd! Not only did Deegan go down..But so did about 4 fans!
S.W: Revenger now, joining Blood Boy teaming on Eddie Deegan, as Rhodes is groggy at the top of the entranceway! Revenger..Standing scissor lock on Eddie Deegan..Picks him up..Piledriver position...And Blood Boy spikes him! Oh man!
T.D: Meanwhile, the other Deegan not faring so well, either...As Scotsman just taking it to him in the crowd! Now Scots and Deegan are headed for the snack area!
S.W: Look at that! Rhodes came out of nowhere and hit Revenger and Blood Boy with a folding table! But, that looks like it took all of the starch out of Rhodes, hes collapsed on the metal entrance ramp again..And Now Eddie Deegan is stomping on Rhodes head!
T.D: The ref started a count, but has terminated it..Falls count in the ring only, but tell that to Scotsman!
S.W: Who just ran Jason Deegan over the snack counter! Scotsman on the counter now..Leaps at Deegan..AND DEEGAN CATCHES HIM AND THROWS HIM ONTO THE BURNING STOVE! Scotsman is writhing in pain! That stove had to be at least 350..
T.D: Look out! Near the ring,Eddie Deegan just threw Rhodes into the steel steps! And Rhodes appears to be hurt badly..And..From behind! Blood Boy catches Eddie Deegan with a dropkick to the back of the head, sending him face first into the ring apron!
S.W: That will knock out teeth for sure! Revenger though, now has Rhodes..FACE FIRST INTO THE Ringpost! Those stitches look pretty ragged..
T.D: Meanwhile, In B-F-E, Scotsman has just been thrown back into civilization, namely in front of the ring on the outside, by Jason Deegan! Deegan over the railing, walks over to the timekeepers table..And..has..The ring bell!
S.W: Revenger and Blood Boy now, fighting off Eddie Deegan and a barely conscious Rhodes! But Rhodes and Deegan..Fighting up a storm! Taking on both! And Rhodes and Deegan do a double dropkick! Sending Revenger and Blood Boy into the guardrails!
T.D: No! Scotsman just dropkicked Jason Deegan and the ring bell hit Deegan in the head! Deegan went down hard! And now Eddie Deegan is totally whaling on Rhodes! Rhodes is busted open again! Those stictches appear to be ripped out! Rhodes is bleeding horribly! Gushing! Scotsman flattens Deegan with a lariat! And Revenger and Blood Boy..Attack Eddie Deegan and Scotsman! DOuble Springboard dropkicks over the safety railing! Rhodes is rolling into the ring...And trying to stand!
S.W: On the outside, Jason Deegan has just recovered..And is climbing into the ring as well...On the outside, Scotsman has a chair..OH! HE JUST SLAMMED BLOOD BOY IN THE HEAD! And Eddie Deegan just performed a perfect flying head scissors! That sent Revenger into the stairs!
T.D: Rhodes in the ring..Hes..headed towards Deegan..HE FLIPPED OFF DEEGAN..AND FELL FORWARD! The bloody blood brother just fainted from blood loss! Deegan falls over him..Rolls him over..
1
2
3!!
S.W: NEW CHAMPS! WE HAVE NEW CHAMPS!
T.D: Whatta Bloodbath!
S.W: Jason Deegan and Eddie Deegan are the new Tag Team Champions!And the fight is still going on! Jason and Eddie have skipped out with the belts, But Revenger and Blood Boy are doubling up on Scotsman! Revenger and Blood Boy really stomping..wait! From the back! Josh Walters! And Blottie! With equalizers! And Leah SIngleton has headed straight for Rhodes in the ring, who still hasent moved! Now Scotsman in the ring with Rhodes, and Singleton and Scotsman..Lifting Rhodes up and carrying him out..The fans cheering for Rhodes! But, the Deegans escape as Tag Team Champions! We'll be right back!
NACW
Official Result: *NEW CHAMPIONS*. The Deegans win (Jason Deegan p. Jeremy Rhodes following fainting from blood loss).
NACW
Handicap Match
"Big Dog" Justin Russell v. Guapo and Pablo Miguel
Writer: PATRICK GOTTSEGEN~!
Steve White: "Well, fans, while we were yapping, good old Guapo Miguel walked out with his partner Pablo. Whoopie!"
Tony Davis: "And we ALL know who their opponent is!"
["Gone Shootin'" by AC/DC begins to play over the loud speaker.]
[The place absolutely explodes. Not a sound can be heard, and the announcers begin to yell just to hear themselves.]
White: "NOTHING THIS GUY DOES CAN GARNER HIM BOOS FROM ANY FANS WHATSOEVER!"
Davis: "What does that mean?"
White: "I'm just saying."
[Through the curtain steps Justin Russell, former NACW world, Chris Crow memorial, whatever you want champion. In his Richmond Renegades jersey, long dreads, and dangerous gleam in his eye, he stalks to the ring carrying a duffel bag as Drew Fortesque grabs a mic.]
Fortesque: "Standing at 6'11" and weighing in at 289 lbs, ladies and gentlemen, from Hampton, Virginia, this JUSTIN RUSSELL!"
{Russell places the bag on the desk, and tells the announcers that if it is touched, they're dead.]
White: "Russell steps over the top, and, he's in the ring. Pablo is in the corner, he looks too bloated to wrestle tonight."
Davis: "Guapo also looks stoned. But that's a whole different story."
White: "And he's all Lit Up again."
Davis: "What?"
White: "Nothing."
Davis: "Anyhow, in the ring, Pablo attacks... kind of... "
White: "Is he part of the People of the Sun?"
Davis: "What?"
White: "Pablo gets a forearm in head from Russell. He quickly hits the mat, and, um, I think he's unconscience."
Davis: "Highly unlikely."
White: "Why not?"
Davis: "Will you stop that?!"
White: "Justin now walks toward Miguel, who in fear stumbles, and falls over the top rope!"
Davis: "So Russell lifts Pablo back up, tosses him to the ropes, DROPKICK from the big man!"
White: "Quite impressive, quite impressive."
Davis: "It's pandemonium in there!"
White: "Hardly. Russell lifts Pablo to his feet, and double underhooks him, knees him the gut for insurance, and double underhook suplexes him right over the top rope!"
Davis: "That was the greatest suplex in the history of great sport!"
White: "Isn't this copyright infringment or something?"
Davis: "I'll let you talk while I take a nice, cool, refreshing sip of SURGE~!"
White: "Now I _KNOW_ that's not legal. After all, we plug Royal Crown Cola here, dammit. Anyhow, Pablo is up, somehow, and he's leaning against the guard rail, and Miguel is over with them... Russell checks the rope, leaps, SPRINGBOARD CROSS BODY ONTO BOTH MEN!"
Davis: "Quite agile for the big man!"
White: "You better believe that."
Davis: "Russell now takes the two, clonks their heads together, and watches them crumble!"
White: "Russell slides Miguel into the ring, lifts Pablo, and slides him in as well. He now climbs back in himself."
Davis: "Russell lifts them again, and drags them both into the far corner. He stands them up in the corner, heads to the other side, runs back, DOUBLE AVALANCHE!"
White: "Pablo comes out first, Russell drop toe holds him, Pablo down, and Miguel now spills out... HEAD TO THE ASS END OF PABLO WHEN HE FELL!"
Davis: "Hehehe, you just said ass."
White; "So did you."
Davis: "I know, but I'm allowed."
White: "And I'm not?"
Davis: "No. You enjoy sucking your wife's toes, see."
White: "That has to do with ass how?"
Davis: "DAMMIT, GO WITH IT!"
White: "Right."
Davis: "Match!"
White: "What's there to call? Russell's making these two make asses out of themselves."
Davis: "They did that by stepping throughthe curtain."
White: "Oh yeah."
Davis: "Justin lifts Guapo, what the hell is he... DOG BITE PILEDRIVER! WOW!"
White: "He now steps down to Pablo, lifts him, press, DROPS HIM IN THE SUICIDE SOLUTION!"
Davis: "Relinquishes, and steps over to Guapo, and drops an obligatory elbow drop."
White: "Then walks over to Pablo..."
Davis: "And covers with one foot on the chest!
1...
2...
THREE!"
White: "Damn, that was quick."
Fortesque: "The winner of the match, JUSTIN RUSSELL!"
[At this point, Guapo's former tag team partner, Revolution, comes running through the curtain.]
White: What the hell?"
[From behind, someone else runs out. He's about 6'2", if that much. He's in a torn up green shirt, black sweat pants with holes in the knees.]
Davis: "I know Revolution... but.. what the fuck is THAT?!"
[When he makes it through the curtain, he kind of waddle runs, running sideways with a limp. His mouth is all crumbled, and he's feeding his pot belly with a jelly donut on the way out.]
White: "Russell is confused, and he's leaving."
Davis: "This odd looking man tackles Revolution in the aisle! And, uh, Revolution seems unconscience."
White: "Um... that guy's in the ring, bother Fortesque."
Davis: "He stole the mic!"
Man: "VAGGY SHOWED YOU WHY I VAGGY AND HE SUCK!"
[The fans seems totally confused]
Vaggy: "I VAGGY!"
[At this point, the man pulls bits of cabbage from the pocket on his shirt.]
Vaggy: "This cabbage is from Brian Blottie. Blottie a good guy, he give me cabbage. I ask Jason Deegan for cabbage, you know what he tell me?"
[The fans kind of look at each other.]
Vaggy: "Well, Vaggy don't either. Then I ask Jeremy Rhodes for cabbage , and you know what Scotsman, Rhodes, and Jimmy do?"
{The fans kind of ask what.]
Vaggy: "They weren't there. But biggest ass of all is Russell. I ask for cabbage, and he give me... give me... TOMATO! What ass. VAGGY CHALLENGE YOU!"
[At that, Vaggy turns to leave, but Russell stops on the ramp, turns, walks out to the ring, lifts Vaggy up by the neck, and proceeds to choke the life out him. He tosses him down, the bell rings, and Russell climbs to the top. He moonsaults Vaggy, and covers.]
White: "Um, one, two, three."
Davis: "Wow."
[Russell walks out, taking his bag, as Vaggy lies motionless. Soon enough, Vaggy revives, picks up his cabbage, and walks sideways out of the building.]
NACW
Official Result: "Big Dog" Justin Russell wins (Russell p. Pablo Miguel).
NACW
MAIN EVENT
"Matter of Respect" Tag Team Match
Brian J. Blottie and Alan Soriano v. The Cali Connection
Writer: PATRICK GOTTSEGEN~!
Steve White: "What a show it's been. The Deegans have been crowned champions once again, Justin Russell decimated the entire population of Guapoville, including the Village Idiot, and Booering's streak continues!"
Tony Davis: "Fans, right now, it's main event time! Brian J Blottie forces Alan Soriano to team with him under horrible circumstances, meaning if Alan at all touches Mr. Blottie, Blottie wins the title! They'll be battling a team who *may* be the uncrowned tag team champions, The Cali Connection!"
["Southern California" by Wax begins to blare over the loud speakers.]
[Two men in long, baggy pants, wifebeaters, and Vans sneakers come through the curtain, both throwing their hands in the air. The crowd begins to attempt to boo them out of the arena, but they just laugh. As they march down the aisle, they stop to berate every fan who sticks a hand in their face.]
White: "Not the most popular folks."
Davis: "Nope."
[Once they enter the ring, "Head like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails begins to play over the sound systems.]
[The vast majority of fans boo, except for a few fans who seem to be way into Brian J. Blottie. However, to make an entrance, Blottie allows to song to play.]
#Head like a Hole
#Black as your sole
#I'd rather die
#Than give you control
[Still nothing.]
#Bow down before the one you serve
[Brian J. Blottie steps through the curtains, hands on his hips smiling to the fans.]
#You're gonna get what you deserve...
[Brian finally begins walking down the aisle, in a KoRn Follow The Leader T-shirt, a pair of black jeans, and Vans Sneakers. He continues to walk down the aisle, a big smile in his face, and a white piece of paper in his right hand.]
White: "Could that be the contract?"
Davis: "I'd assume so."
[Once he arrives into the ring, rolling under the bottom rope and springing to his feet, "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Metallica blares over the loudspeakers.]
White: "Here comes the champ!"
[The place explodes as Alan Soriano makes it through the curtain, belt raised high in the air, Alexa-less. Alan, in his long black wrestling pants and sunglasses going shirtless, slaps hands with the fans before he's able to make it down to the ring.]
Davis: "He'll be lucky if he leaves with that title tonight..."
[Once they all assemble in the ring, Drew Fortesque grabs a microphone]
[Before he can speak, "Ava Adore" by The Smashing Pumpkins begins to play over the loud speakers. Through the curtain steps Patrick Gottsegen, dressed in full suit and tie, walking with his head down. He makes to the ring, and takes the microphone from Mr. Fortesque]
Gottsegen: "I have a few announcments that must be made at the moment. First off, I will be sitting at ringside, at the request of Mr. J. Blottie, number one contender, I will be sitting at ringside to enforce the contract signed by myself, World champion Alan Soriano, and number one contender Mr. Brian J. Blottie."
[The fans boo in support of Alan.]
Gottsegen: "I also have to announce the guest commentator for the match up. At his request, and the OK from the board of the NACW, he is "BIG DOG" Justin Russell!"
["Gone Shootin'" by AC/DC begins to play, as Russell makes it back out, with the same duffel bag he had earlier.]
[Russell makes his way to the announcers booth, sits, and grabs a head set.]
Gottsegen: "Mr. Fortesque, thank you for the microphone time. However, these fans are getting restless, and I think we should just start the match!"
[Gottsegen rolls to the outside, as the Cali Connection plans in their corner while Soriano and Blottie remain in there. Soriano begins requesting to go in first, but Brian just stares at him.]
White: "First off, congratulations Mr. Russell, on..."
Russell: "Right. Shut up."
[Alan holds open the ropes for Blottie to step onto the apron, but Blottie slaps him, causing Alan to turn red with rage.]
Davis: "Alan, do *NOT* touch him! You'll lose the world title totally undignified!"
Russell: "What does he know about dignity? If it wasn't for me, the man wouldn't even be a champion."
White: "Alan takes the apron, and allows Blottie in first, just so he doesn't go absolutely nuts."
Davis: "Blottie and Coast first, they lock up, and Coast turns it into an arm ringer. Blottie turns, throws a clothesline, Coast ducks, and dropkicks Blottie into the corner!"
Russell: "Like that'll last long."
White: "Coast hops into the corner after Blottie, and monkey flips him out!"
Davis: "And Blottie wisely slides outside the ring."
Russell: "Now he's sliding over to the corner with the chump... champ... there. He climbs up onto the apron, and he's rubbing his hand all over Alan's head! Ha! Messing up his hair to get inside his skull!"
White: "Blottie now slides back in, offers to tag Alan..."
Davis: "And pulls away his hand!"
Russell: "TO SLAP ALAN IN THE JAW!"
White: "I guess that constitutes as a tag..."
Davis: "Alan dives in, and takes out all his frustration on Coast with a clothesline! He now sits atop Coast, and pummels him with fists!"
Russell: "Wowie. Talk about wrestling skill there."
White: "Alan quickly lifts Coast, pushes him to the ropes, drops his head... COAST DDT'S HIM!"
Davis: "Alan's head went splat into the mat, and Coast quickly tags out to Blaze. This is why this team works so well- Coast gains the advantage with his lightning quick moves, and Blaze comes in with the power while a foe is helpless."
Russell: "Much like Classon and myself, when we destroy the new tag champs at World Tour II."
White: "Blaze pushes Blottie to the ropes, Blottie coming back, Blaze shoves him into the air, and drops him on his face! Alan is hurting, now."
Davis: "Blaze quickly to the ropes, and drops a thigh across the throat of Soriano!"
Russell: "Champ's looking weak now."
White: "Blaze lifts him up, drags him into a military press, and dumps him on his back!"
Davis: "Tag out to Coast, who scales the ropes, and flies through the air... NAILS A SENTON SPLASH ON SORIANO!"
Russell: "Cover!
1....
2....
Damn. Soriano out."
White: "Coast quickly lifts Soriano, sends him into his corner, runs in, and dropkicks the knee! Soriano falls face first in the corner, Coast tags, both Calis now on the apron... Blaze uses the ropes to catapult himself across Alan's knee!"
Davis: "Classic wrestling plan. If a man has no legs, he can't win the match!"
Russell: "Blaze sets up Soriano for a vertical suplex, but Soriano blocks! Small package!
1...
2...
BLAZE IS OUT!"
White: "Blaze quickly to his feet, but Alan trips him up! Blaze up again, Alan up, Blaze runs at him, Alan catches him, SPINEBUSTER!"
Davis: "Soriano is crawling to his corner, he's almost there, Blaze sits up, shaking the cobwebs, Soriano crawls, he's there! He's there! But Blottie is laughing at him!"
Russell: "Soriano is extending the hand, but Blottie won't take the tag! Blaze tags in Coast, Coast runs in, and dropkicks Alan in the side!"
White: "Blottie is just laughing! Simply _LAUGHING_!"
Davis: "Coast lifts up Soriano, hits the ropes, comes back, flying forearm, SORIANO DUCKS! Coast crashes onto the mat, and falls under the bottom rope!"
Russell: "Soriano lucks out again!"
White: "Soriano reaches the ropes, pulls himself up, walks to his corner... offers the tag..."
Davis: "Why doesn't he just tag Blottie?"
Russell: "He'll lose the gold. Blottie has to offer to get into the ring."
Davis: "Blottie thinks about it, and takes the tag! Coast slides back in, Blottie grabs him, DOUBLE ARM DDT!"
White: "Blottie now lifts Coast, standing head scissors position... lifts... PILEDRIVER! PILEDRVIER!"
Russell: "And look at Blottie, facing Soriano, holding his neck!"
Davis: "What a dick!"
White: "Blottie now rolls onto the mat, holding his neck, imitating Alexa!"
Davis: "What a dick!"
Russell: "Blottie lifts Coast again, points to Alan, and yells something... talking trash, I bet."
White: "Front face lock, lifts for the vertical suplex... BRAINBUSTER!"
Davis: "Blottie now faces his corner, bows, and grabs his neck!"
Russell: "ALAN CHARGES INTO THE RING!"
White: "He's face to face with Blottie, and Blottie is offering his cheek to be slapped!"
Davis: "But Alan won't do it! Coast from behind, roll up,
1...
2...
Soriano makes a save?!"
Russell: "As much as Alan hates Blottie, he hates losing. Honestly, I think he's nuts."
White: "Easy for you to say."
Davis: "Alan just yelled 'YOU OWE ME ONE' to Blottie!"
Russell: "Yeah. Right. Guys, I'll be back later."
[Russell leaves the booth, carrying his bag, and makes his way to ringside, taking a seat.]
Davis: "Blottie has Coast in the far corner now, beating him with boots to the stomach, and he turns to Alan... grabbing his neck again! Alan has had it!"
White: "He hops into the ring, Blaze comes in as well, Alan kicks him in the gut, lifts, ANNIHIDRIVER IV!"
Davis: "He grabs Coast, ANNIHIDRIVER IV!"
White: "The Cali Connection are out, Soriano and Blottie are face to face, and HERE COMES RUSSELL INTO THE RING, BEHIND ALAN!"
Davis: "Gottsegen leaps out of his seat, yelling at Russell, but it's no use! Russell from behind, BOOT THE SKULL OF SORIANO! SORIANO IS SENT RIGHT ONTO BLOTTIE, KNOCKING BOTH MEN OVER!"
White: "This match is going to be awarded to Blottie and Soriano by DQ... what a match..."
Davis: "I don't think we're done yet! Blottie is pestering Gottsegen about something!"
White: "Alan is standing in the middle of the ring, confused, Russell in the corner, laughing, and Blottie is dragging Gottsegen into the ring!"
Davis: "Gottsegen has a mic, and Blottie is flaunting this contract in his face... NO! NO! HE CAN'T MEAN THAT THAT WAS WORTHY OF A TITLE CHANGE!"
White: "Shh, shh..."
Gottsegen: "Mister Soriano... as much as I don't think I like this..."
[Blottie grabs the mic]
Blottie: "_I_, the TRUE LIVING LEGEND, Brian J. Blottie, am your World champion!"
[Blottie hops onto the 2nd rope, opposite Russell, and puts his arms in the air. Soriano picks the mic up off of ground.]
Soriano: "I don't know what dream world you're living in, but I lived up to my end of the bargain. I never touched you!"
[Blottie hops down, and steals the mic from Soriano.]
Blottie: "Pato, if you will..."
[Blottie hands the mic to Gottsegen, who promptly puts on his reading glasses and lifts the contract to his face.]
Gottsegen: "Alan... unfortunately, the contract states right here, and I quote, 'Any contact not prompted by Brian J. Blottie himself, accidental or otherwise, from the world champion to the number one contender, will result in the world title changing hands.' I'm sorry, Mr. Soriano, but Brian J. Blottie is the new world champion."
[The place erupts. Beer flies, and Alan Soriano stands shocked. The time keeper enters the ring, and hands Blottie the title, who steps up into Alan's face. He promptly folds up the title, and slams Soriano in the forehead with it, busting him open and knocking him out.]
White: "It's bad enough he screwed Soriano! But now he knocks him out?!"
[At this point, to add insult to injure, with a big smirk on his face, Justin Russell brings Soriano to his feet.]
Davis: "No.. No.. he lifts Soriano in a military press... SUICIDE SOLUTION! NO! THE MAN IS UNCONSCIENCE!"
[Brian J. Blottie slides up onto the top rope]
White: "Oh, God, no... SIMPLY LEGENDARY... Jesus H. Christ, this is slaughter. Can we get something done about this?!"
[At this point, Russell grabs the microphone.]
Davis: "What NOW?!"
Russell: "Ladies and gentlemen, another surprise. I introduce to you... the FORMER manager and so much more of Alan Soriano... ALEXA!"
[The fans erupt, as "Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails plays over the sound system. However, they quickly quiet as she comes out in a T-shirt reading "Brian J. Blottie" and "SIMPLY LEGENDARY" under that.]
White: "WHAT?!"
[Alexa climbs into the ring, as Justin opens up that duffel bag of his. He pulls out a polaroid camera, and Alexa and Blottie embrace and kiss right in the middle of the ring. Justin snaps a photo.]
[Russell takes out the picture, and places it on Alan's chest.]
[Russell steps over to Blottie, shoves him, and pulls the mic back up to his face.]
Russell: "Now, you owe me a title shot."
[Blottie nods. At that, Russell leaves, with Blottie and Alexa close behind. A medical team comes out try and awaken Soriano.]
White: "Of all the lowdown, despicable..."
Davis: "Wait... Alan just got water dumped on his head, he's reviving..."
[Alan sees the pictures, stares at it for a second, springs to his feet, and promptly goes insane.]
White: "FANS, SORIANO IS IN A RAGE. WE HAVE TO GO!"
Davis: "NO! WAIT! WAIT! I WANT TO SEE THIS! WAIT! WAIT!"
White: "SORIANO IS STORMING DOWN THE AISLE, BUT WE'RE OUT OF TIME! WE USED ALL OUR RUNOVER! GOODBYE!"
[Signal cuts.]
NACW
Official Result: Brian J. Blottie and Alan Soriano win by DQ (Justin Russell interference).
*NEW