~N.A.C.W.~

Owen Hart Memorial Slam Masters

Airing from Sydney, Australia

Date: June 7, 1999

<OUT OF CHARACTER>

CHRIS KITCHING

Owen Hart. The youngest of the Hart family which has been involved in wrestling for quite some time and has evolved into wrestling's greatest dynasty. I can still remember going to various WWF events at the Winnipeg Arena and seeing Owen. Being nine years old and seeing someone with such graceful aerial moves was a rush, as I really was never too familiar with that style of wrestling at that time.

But to me, the most memorable thoughts I have of Owen are his feud with his brother, Bret, in the early-mid 90's. This, I believe, is in the ranks as one of the greatest feuds of all time, not only in the WWF but in the history of wrestling. It had everything; memorable matches and one hell of a storyline. I remember back when I was a "mark" and didn't know wrestling was staged. I couldn't believe that Owen and Bret weren't on good terms. Then, when Owen turned on his whole family, it made me a bigger Bret Hart fan. But I will never forget when Owen reunited with Bret and The British Bulldog, who then went on to form The Hart Foundation, which is my favorite stable and tag team (Bret and Jim Neidhart) of all time.

We never heard of Owen in the news. It was never Owen who was holding out on a contract, or wanted more money; it was never Owen who was having problems with some of the company's top stars backstage. As reported in the Winnipeg Sun, Owen was full of good spirits and was a practical joker and he never ever drank or smoked or did any sort of drugs.

It was terrible things had to end this way. Some people are saying, it shouldn't of happened to Owen, well, it shouldn't have happened to anyone. Imagine what Owen's family and close friends had to go through Sunday night. Imagine the shock all of his fans had to go through, and all wrestling fans had to go through. It still hasn't hit me yet. And I don't think it will for a while. I know, that my thoughts and prayers are with Owen's family, because Canada just lost a great hero, and the WWF just lost one of its most promising stars. As Tony Givens said, "Heaven needed a superhero, so they called for the Blazer."

I really don't know how this sounds. I am not too good with these things, basically because I don't enjoy the though of writing about someone who has just passed away. But Owen, you were one of Canada's greatest and forever will be. God bless you, Owen.

~NACW~ Opening Match: Debut

S.W: HELLO FANS AND WELCOME TO NACW SUNDAY NIGHT SLAM MASTERS LIVE FROM BEAUTIFUL AND SCENIC SYDNEY, AUSTRAILIA! THIS CAPACITY CROWD IS AS ROWDY AS AN AUSSIE RULES FOOTBALL CROWD!

G.K: Well, considering we are in Austrailia, that would be quite appropriate!

D.M: Wise ass!

S.W: And with those flattering comments, I would like to first off welcome back Dan Mazin to the announce table..

D.M: Well, as much as I hate to admit it, its good to be back, Whitey..

S.W: And I would like to welcome Gary Kulash to the announce table..

G.K:(Sarcastically) Pleasure to be here with such fine professional announcers..

S.W: Well, tonight, as you all know, is a memorial card to the late, great Owen Hart...We hope that we have a card that does his memory justice by providing some great wrestling action!

G.K: But first, a match that may make him turn in his grave, a kind of battle of the Dark Arts as Brimstone battles VooDoo!

D.M: SHould be a real showcase of talent....That VooDoo is REAL talented and Brimstone, well, Ive never seen any of his work..

S.W: Brimstone was a World Champion in other promotions, lets see if his talent has carried over here to the NACW!

Ann: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL! INTRODUCING FIRST, WEIGHING IN AT 244 LBS..VOODOO!!!

(No music plays as VooDoo steps out from the back, and walks to the ring to a chorus of boos....He slides in the ring..)

S.W: Maybe Im a bit mistaken, but VooDoo doesent look the same as he did when he first arrived..

G.K: Being a member of the NACW version of the Job Squad will do that to ya.

(Suddenly, a bell tolls and Gregorian Chants are heard..The arena goes dark...)

Ann; AND HIS OPPONENT, WEIGHING IN AT 275 LBS...BRIMMMSTONE!!!

(A very tall man in a dark cloak strides towards the ring, slowly..The camera shows VooDoo, looking like hes just seen a ghost..Brimstone climbs up the stairs, then steps over the top rope..He removes his cloak, then raises his hands and brings down his hands and the lights go up..)

*DING*

S.W: The bell has rung, and we are underway!

G.K: And Brimstone eyeing VooDoo like a helpless virgin..

D.M: Hes not that type of guy, I dont think..Dont know him personally..

G.K: I meant like a sacrifice you moron!

S.W:Well, Im sorry to interrupt the penut gallery here, but we do have a match to call..Collar elbow tie up here..And Brimstone..What a show of power! Just threw VooDoo like a doll!

G.K: A voodoo doll?

D.M: WIll someone stick a pin in this joker?

S.W: Anyway, Brimstone now workiing VooDoo in the corner with knees to the gut...Now he lifts that big boot and runs it into the throat of VooDoo..

Ref: 1-2-3-4..Get offa him!

S.W: Brimstone threatening the ref..

G.K: (In a dark voice)Ill sacrifice your daughter, Mikey...To the darkside..

D.M: Watch it, Kulash..You dont know this guy..

S.W: Brimstone holds VooDoo up..WAYYY UP..Gorilla Press...And drops him to the outside..RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

G.K: VooDoo? Gary Kulash here..Hows it feel to be beaten like a bitch?

D.M:(Imitating VooDoo) Ask your mother...

G.K: Id rather ask Mazins about being a bitch..

S.W: Will you both stop it! Acting like 12 year olds!

Kulash and Mazin: YES MOMMY!

S.W: Arrrggghh...I wish Davis wasent so damn involved with Booreng...Ah well..Brimstone just kicking the crap out of VooDoo out here..Oooh! VooDoo just said hello to the side stairs! Brimstone dominating thus far, But VooDoo does get a punch into the midsection...And another..From his knees, VooDoo fights back..

D.M: Not phasing the big dead guy...And VooDoo up..Laying right hands into Brimstones face..No effect...

G.K: Then again, VooDoos punches dont have much affect on anybody..

S.W: How did you get so mean?

G.K: God bestows upon us all certain gifts..This is mine..

D.M: You and a hunchback have comparably good gifts...

G.K: You and a hunchback have comparably good love lives...

S.W: Theres a match going on you two! Try calling it like you are paid to do!

D.M:Okay..VooDoo off the ropes..And decapitated with a clothesline! He dropped like..like..

G.K: A RAG DOLL?

S.W: Okay, thats enough! Brimstone is now stalking poor VooDoo...And now..Hes got him in a claw...But hes lifted him off the ground!

D.M: Now thats impressive!

S.W: Just holding him up there..And..PLANTS HIM FACE FIRST! VooDoo could easily have a broken nose after that!

G.K: Hell, try a broken face!

S.W: Brimstone rolls him over..Mikey Johnson in position..This is academic...

1

2

3!!!

S.W: And Brimstone wins his debut!

D.M: VooDoo in a heap in the middle of the ring..And Brimstone..Lifting him up again..And laughing! AND ANOTHER PENTAGRAM DROP! And VooDoo spasmed with that one!

S.W: Hes hurt bad!

GK: But here comes the calvary!

(Chris Widmayer, looking quite a bit better, runs down the aisle, but Brimstone meets him him before he gets to the ring...)

S.W: I see why they call him crazy! Brimstone has about 10 inches on this guy in height, and Widmayer is trying to stare him down!

D.M: And Brimstone..Just laughs..That demonic laugh...As he walks past Widmayer..Widmayer now running in to check on his friend..

S.W: An impressive opening for Brimstone, and an impressive opening match..Fans, more to come after this!

~NACW~ Official Result

<OUT OF CHARACTER>

ALAN SORIANO

I remember first seeing The Blue Blazer in the WWF about 1989. From then on, Owen Hart has been a part of the WWF folklore. Although I never knew Owen Hart personally, I do have to say that his death is a tragic accident and that I feel for his family and the wrestling business in general at this time, for we have all lost someone to admire.

And, a parting note: It is truly ironic that in this wrestling world of people committing adultry, drinking, cursing; Women whoring themselves, male porn star and pimp gimmicks, and so much more, the one character whos whole gimmick was to be good, died while trying to be the superhero in an otherwise corrupt business. In a symbolic way, it shows you what good means in this sport. Thank you for your time.

~NACW~ Contract Match

Steve White: We have Shock against Lost Metal for Lost Metal's NACW Contract Status. If he wins he'll be reinstated with the NACW, if he loses, he'll be gone for life.

Dan Mazin: Yeah, and we won't have to hear from him again!

Gary Kulash: He'll be stuck as a garbage man.

Dan Mazin: I've been a garbage man before.

Gary Kulash: Oh, then you're the one that I did that to.

Dan Mazin: What?

Gary Kulash: It's something you better not know.

Steve White: Shock and Metal, they lock up, Metal with a side headlock, pushed off by Shock, and Metal crashes Shock down with a shoulderblock, but he gets back up. Metal runs again, and Shock throws him to the outside. Metal is back in quickly and Shock doesn't know where he is. He thinks he's outside.

Dan Mazin: That's because he's stupid.

Gary Kulash: Mentally Retarded, Dan.

Steve White: Shock turns around and Metal greets him with a DDT. Then some elbowdrops, a fistdrop, another fistdrop and a legdrop right over the neck. Cover with the leg over the neck. One, two, kickout. Picks Shock up and blasts him with a right, Shock stumbles. Metal kicks him in the midsection, slams him down. Picks him back up. I don't think he knows what to do with him now! Metal throws Shock right into the turnbuckle. Shock bounces back and is hit... and I mean hit with a clothesline. Cover... One, two, no... Foot on the rope.

Dan Mazin: He's real lucky. He knows what he's doing.

Gary Kulash: Actually, I'd say he's just guessing. He doesn't know one thing he's doing.

Dan Mazin: Gary, you suck.

Gary Kulash: No, Dan, YOU suck.

Dan Mazin: That's overwhelming.

Steve White: We welcome Dan back, with open arms? This script is insane!

Gary Kulash: Tell my writers.

Steve White: I will. Number?

Gary Kulash: 1-800-LIVE-WWF.

Steve White: That's the WWF's number for something.

Gary Kulash: The WWF? They're my lackies.

Dan Mazin: Well I've got WCW as mine!

Gary Kulash: And?

Dan Mazin: Whatcha gonna do when the 12" shribbled arms come on their walker to YOU!

Gary Kulash: Oh, I'll run faster than you from a parade of horses.

Dan Mazin: You know about that?

Steve White: Back to the match. Shock being dominated by rights and a few lefts. A European Uppercut stumbles Shock, Shock comes back and Lost with a belly-to-belly suplex. Picks him up, now for a vertical suplex, no, vertical facebuster. Face-First Suplex. Cover... One, two, and... almost three. No, no three. Only two. Picks him up again, throws him into thr ropes. He goes to the middle turnbuckle. Fists.

Dan Mazin: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! I love counting that.

Steve White: Shock is all dazzed, he has no clue where he is! Even less clue now... He spinebustered him! What's this? He's going to the outside.. He's got a chair. Oh! Smashes the man while he's down! Shock is getting clobbered with a chair, again... and again... Picks Shock up. Again! The Referee should have called this one a disqualification long ago. He's not going to do it. This is an NACW match, not WCW... not WWF, and especially not NWA. Shock is up for once on his own. The chair has been put down. Shock going to the top rope. He's slightly cut from the rapid chairshots. He doesn't see Lost Metal's chair. He goes off the top with a flying axhandle... in mid-air, Metal had picked up the chair and blasted him with it. One, two, three.

Drew Fortesque: Here is your winner, and reinstated to the NACW, Lost Metal!

Dan Mazin: That was a huge chair shot!

Gary Kulash: Even bigger than if you don't shut your mouth, Stevie, that's what you'll get.

Steve White: In any event, your winner, and back on the NACW Roster, Lost Metal.

~NACW~ Official Result

<OUT OF CHARACTER>

RYAN A.K.A. "BANJAMIN XAVIER"

Either way, as I'm gonna do a small thing tribut to Owen in GAWA, here's two things I'd like to contribute. The first one is from my hometown newspaper, the Arizona Republic, which contains a front page story. The second part is my contribution of memories, and etc..

1.) PRO WRESTLER DIES WHEN STUNT GOES BAD (From the Arizona Republic)

- Cable glitch may have caused 50-foot fall

By Kia Shant'e Breaux

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - A World Wrestling Federation wrestler was fatally injured Sunday when he fell 50 feet into the ring as he was lowered from the ceiling of the arena - stunning the sold-out crowd that initially though the accident was a stunt.

Owen Hart, 33, fell and hit his head on a turnbuckle, a padded piece of metal that holds the ropes together in each corner of the ring. Hart, who wrestlers under the nickname "Blue Blazer," was given CPR in the ring in front of the audience at Kemper Arena and then taken to a nearby hospital.

It wasn't immediately clear how Hart fell, but witnesses said the cable he was connected to either broke or became disconnected. The WWF said it was investigating.

"We thought it was a doll at first," said 15-year-old Robert McCome. "We thought they were just playing with us. We were really shocked when we found out that it was no joke."

Briannen WIlbnaks, 20, said, "He came down on some type of cable or rope. He was supposed to swing down but somehow he fell."

Commentator Jim Ross repeated over and over to the 14,000 fans in the arena that Hart's fall was not scripted, as professional wrestling matches openly are.

"I didn't see it, but from what I can gather, somebody slipped up," said his father, Stu Hart, an old-time wrestler.

"You don't get up 60 or 7- feet in the air without being properly anchored down," he said, adding that his son had performed the stunt with the wire before.

The event was televised live on pay-per-view and seen around the country. However the fall was not shown. The TV audience was being shown a montage of Hart's clips when the accident occurred, and the camera panned through the crowd while paramedics worked on Hart.

The show stopped for 15 minutes then the remainder of the matches continued after he was taken away by paramedics.

Hart's fall happened in the second part of the event called "Over the Edge." The first part of the event, "Sunday Nite Heat," was televised live on the USA network.

"We are the WWF are saddened by the tragic accident that occurred here tonight," Vince McMahon Jr., chairman of WWF, said at a news conference. "We don't have any answer as to why this happened . . . There is an ongoing investigation."

He declined to comment further.

Shawn Gaitan, 24, who brought his 7-year-old nephew to the event said: "I think it's really messed up that they kept on with the show. They could have at least told us what was going on. We worry just like other people worry."

Gaitan said he saw Owen flying through the air; his head hit a turnbuckle and snapped back.

Hart, a native of Calgary, Alberta, is the younger brother of World Championship Wrestling wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart. He was the youngest of 12 children. Survivors include his wife, Martha, and two young children.

-----------------

2.) Well, what can I say..Pretty much all the actions that happened explained themself. I, personally, am very saddened by the death of Owen Hart. I remember the first time I ever saw Owen Hart, it was at WrestleMania XIV. Of course, he lost that match to Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Wether I knew it or not at that time, Owen WOULD have some sort of impact on myself.

From there on, I saw Owen Hart wrestle at Unforgiven, only to lose once again to Triple H. He then wrestled against Hunter Hearst Helmsley, "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn, and "Road Dogg" Jesse James and beat them, along with his tag partners at the time D'Lo Brown and Kama, at Over the Edge 1. The next time he wrestled he wrestled against Ken Shamrock at Fully Loaded in a Dungeon match, where he ended up winning after knocking out Ken Shamrock and making him *submit*. The next month at SummerSlam, Ken Shamrock defeated Owen Hart in a Lion's Den match, where Owen submitted, as Dan Severn walked away. The next month, at Breakdown, Owen Hart defeated Edge. I will admit that match wasn't the most spectacular, but it was decent. Owen Hart skipped a few PPV's, from October to February, as the next PPV he wrestled at was WrestleMania, teaming up with Jeff Jarrett, both men the Tag Team Champions, to defeat D'Lo Brown & Test. At Backlash, Owen Hart's last PPV wrestling match, he teamed up with Jeff Jarrett again to take on the New Age Outlaws, only to lose.

I hope you enjoyed that little PPV-history of Owen Hart. If anybody would like his entire PPV win-loss ratio & opponents, feel free to contact me at [email protected].

Owen Hart, also made a lasting impression on the World Wrestling Federation, as he was the WWF Intercontinental Champion 2 times, WWF European Champion 2 times, and a WWF Tag Team Champion at least 6 times, as well as winning the 1994 King of the Ring. He will be missed greatly by myself, and I hope his legacy lives on forever. My condolences go out to the friends, family, and fans of Owen Hart, as all he wanted to do was entertain, nothing more. From what I've heard, a great man, a great worker, and a great wrestler. He surely will be missed by many.

~NACW~ Television Title Match

Drew Fortesque: This contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the NACW Television Championship. Coming down to the ring, the NACW Television Champion, Obediah!

Gary Kulash: He's the NACW Amish Television Champion, like a TV. I'm sure Amish have TV.

Drew Fortesque: His opponent, the challenger, "Hell's Angel" Jeremy Houston!

Steve White: Well it doesn't matter, he's the champion and that reign may come to an end here again Houston, Hell's Angel.

Dan Mazin: What's Obediah doing in the corner?

Gary Kulash: Well duh, Dan... He's weeping. Something about a horse head or whatever.

Dan Mazin: A Horse Head? AHH! Where? Who? Who has one?! Get it away from here!

Steve White: No, no, Dan.

Gary Kulash: Ha, ha, ha...

Steve White: Dan, Obediah is upset. Obediah's horse head.

Dan Mazin: Okay. Ha, ha! Crybaby! La-hoo-sa-er.

Steve White: Houston from behind with a beautiful German Suplex. One, two, kickout. But not much of one. Obediah, the Television Champion gets knocked down by the challenger's clothesline. Cover... One, two, kickout. Back up, both of them, Obediah runs into a huge kick to the gut, the midsection by Jeremy Houston. He's going to the outside. He's going to leave.

Gary Kulash: Yeah? Well Houston just threw him back in, he wants this title. Bad.

Steve White: No doubt about that.

Dan Mazin: He's a crybaby trying to leave. Awww... Go see his mommy.

Gary Kulash: Just like Steve after the show!

Dan Mazin: Ha, ha!

Steve White: Hey, do your job. Obediah on the second rope. Not fighting. He's really upset. He's crying. Houston from behind picks him up, puts him on the top, and Crucifix Powerbombs him off it! That's got to be devestating. That's got to be all. Top-Rope Razor's Edge, is another name for it. One, two, three... Sorry! Two.

Gary Kulash: That was close! Good move, too.

Dan Mazin: As a good move for Mr. White, here, would be for him to leave and let us take over!

Gary Kulash: That would be a career making decision. We all know the one person who carries this team!

Steve White: Yeah... Me! If I leftyou two would just joke on and on about the superstars, do we want that?

Gary Kulash: Two out of three... You lose!

Dan Mazin: Ha, yeah.

Steve White: Back to the action. Obediah's being setup. Razor's Edge again, NO! Reverse Crucifix Powerbomb! Cover again. One, two, kickout. I can't believe he kicked out! He picked himup for the Razor's Edge and just fell backwards, with Obediah's face smashing into the mat.

Gary Kulash: That was amazing.

Dan Mazin: A-Mazin-g.

Steve White: Now he's setting him up on the turnbuckle... Hell's Angel with the Top-Rope Powerbomb! One..... Two..... Three. New Champion.

Drew Fortesque: Here is your winner and new NACW Television Champion, "Hell's Angel" Jeremy Houston!

Steve White: New Television Champion, Jeremy Houston.

Gary Kulash: That's damn right. I'm happy I'm here and Tony Davis is out managing that jobber of a champion, Bob Booreng!

Steve White: He's happy he's there too! And I'm not.

~NACW~ Official Result

<OUT OF CHARACTER>

ANDREW HAWKINS A.K.A. "JEREMY HOUSTON"

Hi guys, this is the man behind Holy Hellen, Andrew Hawkins. Now, I may not have been here long, btu I have been watching the WWF since I was six, back when Owen was still The Rocket. I followed his career from the days of Blue Blazer though, renting old tapes from the early 1980's. From what i ahve seen and heard, Owen truly was a man of greatness. He was loved by his fans and even the guys who loved to hate him, still rspected him. I feel extremely sad towards the Hart family as a whole, as they now need to go on without their youngest born son. It's kind of ironic that the last Hart left in the WWF ended up dying in a WWF ring. Owen, you will be missed by every fan of the WWF. I hope you ended up in a better place, because if anyone deserved it, it was him. From what I saw in the Bret Hart documentary, Owen was a caring man who did not deserve to go out this way. Well, that's about all I can say, because it is hard to put my feelings into words. Peace.

~NACW~ Light Heavyweight Title Match

S.W: Welcome back fans to a special Slam Masters live from Sydney!

G.K: Live on TAPE that is..

D.M: Well, its pretty live from where we sit!

S.W: This card has been great thus far, and we have another very entertaining

matchup!

G.K: Thats right, Bob Booreng..The most galvnizing man in sports internetment, all self proclaimed..Against a former Light HeavyWeight Champion, and thats not saying much, Johnny Coast...

S.W: Coast has taken on a serious attitude change, maybe it will help him in his first singles match since losing the title to Eddie Deegan!

D.M: Basically, hes turned into a MAJOR dick..

S.W: Well, we all know Bob Booreng is a true fan favorite..all over the world..

(Scene changes to the Sydney Zoo..)

S.W: Well, Bob Has his fans here in Austrailia too, like Dundee, this 4 year old Koala..

(Shows a Koala sitting on Boorengs head, and Booreng laughing..)

S.W: And here, he took time out to sign autographs...

(Scene shows Booreng autographing a boomerang...amongst a group of people in front of the zoo..)

G.K: But, since the zoo, nobody has seen Booreng, maybe a Wallabe bit him or something..

S.W: Well, the match is about to begin, so heres Drew Fortesque!

("Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy blasts through the arena..)

Ann; LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL AND IS FOR

THE NACW LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! INTRODUCING FIRST, ACCOMPANIED TO THE RING BY JOHNNY BLAZE AND A MEMBER OF CALIFORNICATION, THE CHALLENGER, WEIGHING IN AT 190 LBS, FORMER LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION..JOHNNY COAST!!!

(Coast comes out with Blaze, both wearing long black wrestling tights...Boos rain down onto the pair from the crowd, and Blaze and Coast do the raising the roof gesture...Coast and Blaze slide into the ring.....Suddenly, "A Hard Days Night" by The Beatles plays as Coasts music cuts..)

Ann: AND HIS OPPONENT, THE CHAMPION!

(A huge pop goes through the arena)

Ann: HE IS ACCOMPANIED BY TONY DAVIS, AND WEIGHS IN AT 225 LBS..BOB BOORENG!!!!

(Booreng steps out along with Davis and soaks in the admiration of the crowd..A pyro blast goes off behind him and comes so close that it knocks the belt off his shoulder...Booreng, frightened, picks up the belt, which is unharmed, and walks down to the ring..He wears a Crocidile Dundee t-shirt, and Davis wears a black NACW polo shirt with blue jeans and boots...Coast stares down Booreng with a look of disgust...Booreng reaches the outside, but is met by a spectacular suicide dive by Coast...)

S.W: LOOK AT THAT! An amazing attack sends Booreng down! And Coast downright pounding on the champion..Now Davis picks Coast off of Booreng, and is pointing him to the ring..Coast in Davis' face...

D.M: Davis wont do anything, hes a manager now...

G.K: Come on, Ive seen Jimmy Hart really kick some ass in his time, havent you?

S.W: The bell rings, as Coast rolls Booreng into the ring...Rolls in himself..Now Coast heads to the turnbuckles..Booreng still down...Coast..turns..and nails a spectacular somersault senton splash! Coast up quick...picks Booreng up...Booreng dead on his feet..And Coast...VICTORY ROLL! THE MOVE HE USED TO DEFEND HIS TITLE! Ref in position..

1

2

D.M: What?

S.W: Booreng kicked out!

G.K: Amazing...Unbelieveable..

S.W: And Coast looks angry that he didnt finish him...Now...Whats Blaze doing on the apron?

D.M: Distratcing that ref..great teamwork..

G.K: IN a one on one match?

S.W: And Coast choking the life out of Bob...And Davis now...Over to turn the refs attention to the chokehold...And now the ref starts to count on Blaze..Boorengs all blue! And now hes slumps to the canvas...And Coast is celebrating his chokehold!

G.K: Figures...

D.M: Everyone makes the same msitake with this moron Booreng..turning their back..

S.W: And speaking of which..Blaze now choking the life outta Booreng himself! Now Davis over..SHOVES BLAZE! Coast grabs Booreng now...Puts him in the corner..And..dropkicks Booreng into the corner!

G.K: Well, Booreng faring no better than usual...

S.W: Coast rolls Booreng into the cente rof the ring..Now Coast going up top! This could eb the Sunset Splash! Hes signaling for it! But wait! COAST FALLS OFF THE TURNBUCKLE! He slipped!

G.K: Here in the NACW, only the best athletes..

D.M: Tell me about it!

S.W: Coast crotched...AND BOORENG SITS UP! HES UP! Booreng now..Over to that turnbuckle..BITCHSLAP! AND ANOTHER! AND ANOTHER! AND ANOTHER SENDS COAST DOWN AND ONTO THE CANVAS!

D.M; The fans love this idiot! You hear this, Kulash!

G.K: I cant hear a damn thing!

S.W: Now Booreng on the second rope...Coast up...BOORENG BLAST! THAT SHOULDER BLOCK KNOCKS COAST BACK!

G.K; And has appeared to knock our ever tough champion out!

S.W: HES GOT THE COVER..BUT BLAZE..HAS GOT THE REF...REVERSE DDT! HE DDT'ED

THE REF! But wait..

D.M: DAVIS IS COMING INTO THE RING!

G.K: Uh oh...

D.M: Hes gonna get..

S.W: HE HIT BLAZE! NOW HES GOT HIM UP..TORTURE RACK...LIGHTS OUT NECKDRIVER! THAT REVERSE SPICOLI DRIVER! Davis to the ref..

D.M: BLAZE IS OUT! ILL BE DAMNED! TONY CAN DO SOMETHING!

G.K; Whats he gonna do to that ref?

S.W: Hes got the refs hand...Putting Booreng onto Coast...

1

2

3!!!

S.W: AND THATS A WIN! THANKS TO TONY DAVIS, BOORENG KEEPS HIS TITLE!

D.M: Boy, am I unimpressed..

S.W: Fans, while Tony Davis tries to revive our champ, we will take a commercial break!

~NACW~ Official Result

<Commercial>

~NACW~ Toughman Title Match

SW: Fans, even though our two top matches tonight were cancelled, we have so far had a great card, and the remaining two matches…

GK: Will probably either put you to sleep, or cause you to vomit. I know the booker…

DM: *Whispering* Kay-fabe, Gary…

GK: Shut up, Dan. I know what I'm doing.

*Dan looks rather satisfied as he, for the first time tonight, outsmarted Kulash*

SW: Let's get to the ring for the introductions for what could very well be the most hardcore match we've had to date!

DF: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is a special attraction Toughman Barbed Wire Ladder Match! First coming down the aisle…

*The Canadian national anthem plays, as Red Leaf comes walking out, along with Revenger. Suddenly, the music stops, and "Dancing Queen" starts playing. Drew Fortesque's mic is cut off as another voice is heard*

???: Here are the two biggest QUEENS in the NACW, Red Ass and Rumpranger! They are combined known as THE FLAMING REBELS! Oh… and in a few, they'll be known as FORMER living beings!

GK: YES! Now this is what I like to see. A nice does of character defamation. Which out own Dan Mazin would know a lot about, right Dan?

DM: *Whispering* Ixnay on that stuff. Didn't you get the memo?

GK: Heh, I don't care what Paul says, I'm going to say whatever I want. That's what they paid me for.

SW: Revenger and Red Leaf are incensed! They are now asking Drew to bring them a mic up from the ramp… wait a minute! FROM BEHIND! IT'S THE FLYING SCOTSMAN WITH A LADDER WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE! RIGHT INTO THE BACK OF THE HEAD OF REVENGER, AND THE UPPER BACK OF RED LEAF!

GK: Steve, did anyone ever tell you you get overexcited over a wrestling match? You DO know it's fake, right?

SW: Gary, I'm doing my job. It would be nice if you did yours!

GK: I am doing my job! I'm being the sarcastic genius to your relative idioicy!

SW: Let's just get back to the action. Scots is dragging Red Leaf down to the ring, and tosses him in. He now throws that ladder in there with him! This is not going to be a technical match, that's for sure…

DM: More like a bloody brawl! I LOVE these matches!

GK: I personally favor the more technically sound matches, but then again, I'm also a lot smarter than you, Dan, so…

DM: HEY!

SW: Scots in now in the ring, ladder above his head… and throws it javelin-style at Red Leaf's head! It just nailed Red Leaf in the back of the head, and Leaf goes down in a heap. Scots is now setting that ladder up, to climb towards that hanging Toughman title above the ring. He's making his way up…

GK: But here comes Revenger down the aisle, into the ring… and shoves it down!

SW: The Flying Scotsman gets crushed between the mat and a barbed wire-covered ladder! Scots in now writhing on the mat, as Red Leaf is being helped back to his feet by Revenger. Revenger slides black the the outside, grabs a chair, and tosses it to Red Leaf! Red Leaf has that chair… NO! SLAMS IT INTO THAT LADDER, DRIVING THE BARBED WIRE FURTHER INTO THE FLYING SCOTSMAN!

DM: Not to mention driving that ladder harder on top of The Flying Scotsman!

SW: Red Leaf is now pulling that ladder off of The Flying Scotsman, but it's sticking pretty good to Scots shirt, kilt, and flesh! Scots is writhing on that mat, as Red Leaf sets up the ladder. Red Leaf climbing up it, cringing as he goes up, the barbed wire cutting into his hands. He's almost to the top… SCOTS IS UP! But Revenger just rolled into the ring… TOO LATE! SCOTS

JUST SHOVED THAT LADDER… but Revenger quickly straightens it from falling… AND SHOVES IT THE OTHER WAY! THAT LADDER, WITH RED LEAF ON IT, JUST CRASHED DOWN ONTO THE HEAD OF THE FLYING SCOTSMAN! Scots is hurt severely, as Red Leaf just sailed over the top rope off the top of that ladder. Red Leaf is down on the ground, not moving, Scots in the ring doing the same!

GK: If these guys were smart, they'd forget the ladder this early in the match and just work each other over. But NO, they have to be HARDCORE. All they're doing is shortening their careers by doing this crap.

DM: BUT IT'S SO ENTERTAINING TO WATCH!

GK: Peon…

SW: Revenger is now setting that ladder up himself… and climbing it? He's slowly going up, cringing as the barbed wire melds with his flesh. He pulls each hand free, blood dripping, as he painfully makes his way to the top… and grabs the Toughman Title! It's down! But… Revenger can't win this match! He's gotta give that title to Red Leaf… AND SCOTS DELIVERS A LAST DITCH EFFORT TO FLY FORWARD! THE LADDER'S TIPPING!

GK: But Revenger is shifting his weight… and it's flying the other way! Revenger just went soaring into the crowd, as he dropped that title on top of Red Leaf! All Red Leaf needs to do is grab that title!

DM: He's too beaten up to do it! And Scots sees what's happening, and he's dragging himself to the outside!

SW: The Flying Scotsman almost out there… crawling… and he's under the ropes. He's reaching for that title on top of the unconscious Red Leaf! Almost there…

DM: BUT REVENGER JUST SOARED OUT OF THE CROWD, AND DROVE A CHAIR ACROSS THE FLYING SCOTSMAN'S BACK!

GK: Red Leaf is coming to… and he grabs the belt! This one's over! THANK GOD!

DF: Here is your winner of this match, and NEW NACW Toughman champion… REDDDD

LEAFFFF!

SW: Red Leaf wins the title, but it doesn't look like they're through with Scots! Revenger is demolishing The Flying Scotsman with that chair, as Red Leaf drags that ladder outside with him… and slams it TOP STEP FIRST into The Flying Scotsman's chest! We need help out here, now!

DM: But Jeremy Rhodes is too injured to show up at the arena, and Blottie is too busy being a Fairy!

GK: A Binky Fairy, that is.

SW: WAIT! HERE COMES BLOOD BOY! HE SAILS THROUGH THE RING, AND CATAPULTS HIMSELF OVER THE TOP ONTO REVENGER AND RED LEAF! REVENGER AND RED LEAF ARE GETTING OUT OF THERE!

DM: Damn. I'd love to see that dildo-toting moron get carted off on a stretcher permanently. Oh well, it'll have to wait another day…

SW: The Flying Scotsman loses his Toughman title, but was luckily saved from further injury by Blood Boy. Our main event's next, so stay tuned!

~NACW~ Official Result

<Commercial>

~NACW~ MAIN EVENT! World Tag Team Title Match

SW: Though our two headlining matches have been cancelled, we've had an incredible show thusfar, and it's only going to get better, as our main event is up next!

GK: Steve, what drugs are you taking? This has to be the worst night the NACW has EVER put on, and I personally feel that this match is going to be a joke. I mean, one of the participants thinks he's a FRIGGIN' FAIRY! The Deegan's are going to pull apart these two morons.

DM: Um… Gary, I'd hate to say it, but that "fairy" happens to be a former NACW World Champion. Many people have been waiting for the first showdown between Blottie and one of the Deegans, and now we're going to get to see him take on BOTH of them. And with Big Daddy Brooks going in there, I'm sure we're going to see a great match.

SW: For once, Dan, we agree on something. Let's get to the ring, as Drew Fortesque is ready for the opening introductions.

DF: This next tag team match is set for one fall, and is our main event of the night, for the NACW Tag Team Championships of the World! First, coming down the aisle, two men teaming together for the first time, but are no strangers to each other, BIG DADDY BROOKS AND "THE TRUE LIVING LEGEND" BRIAN J. BLOTTIE!

*"Head Like A Hole" by Nine Inch Nails starts playing, as Brooks makes his way to the ring alone. He looks confused, looks back a few times while making his way to the ring, and then shakes his head. He climbs into the ring, and gets his gameface on*

GK: Wow, how about that former World Champion. Doesn't even show up for the match. Maybe he's sprinkling some fairy dust on Gottsegen in the back. They are both fairies, you know…

SW: Blottie IS missing, but I'm sure there's a reason for his absense.

DF: And their opponents, they are the current NACW Tag Team Champions of the World, and two of the toughest men not just in the NACW, not just in the United States, but in the world… Eddie and Jason… THE DEEGAN BROTHERS!

*"Shoots and Ladders" by KoRn starts blaring over the loudspeakers as the crowd pops huge for the NACW Tag Team Champions. Eddie and Jason come down to the ringside, tag titles on their shoulders, and climb into the ring. They snicker to each other as they see Big Daddy Brooks standing alone. They drop their tag titles out over the top rope and then bum rush Brooks, who just tries to cover up*

SW: The Deegans taking advantage of the situation by attacking Brooks before the bell, and there's the bell now. The ref trying to get control of things, but it's not working very well. The Deegans are just stomping a mudhole into Brooks!

DM: A mudhole? Seriously, Steve, I think you need to stop watching the competition's programming…

GK: Then again, he might be able to learn a little from Ross…

SW: Guys, let's not talk about that right now… let's talk about the action in the ring. Eddie Deegan has climbed to the top, and Jason lifts up Brooks in a side slam position… and Eddie down with the legdrop onto Brooks' throat, driving Jason and Brooks down. Jason lifts Big Daddy up in the air, vertical suplex position… AND BROOKS REVERSES INTO A NECKBREAKER! Jason down, as Brooks is back up, and down goes Eddie with a big clothesline! Brooks hauls Jason up off the mat, lifts him up… and down with a Michinoku Driver! Eddie back up with a dropkick into Brooks' face while he's sitting, taking the wind out of his sails, but Jason looks hurt on the mat. Eddie might be doing the smart thing here, keeping on Brooks, as he is laying the boots into him.

DM: Nice attempt at a comeback by Brooks, but no go. The Deegans are just too good.

GK: I'll agree with that. The Deegans are one of the few tandems that actually matter in the NACW.

SW: Eddie thinks he has Brooks down for good, but Brooks is actually getting up! Eddie is checking on Jason, who is clutching at his neck. Brooks taps Eddie on the shoulder, and Eddie shrugs it off. Brooks again with the tap, and again Eddie shrugs it off. Finally, Eddie spins around, visibly agitated… into a chop to the throat! Brooks grabs Eddie… ACE CRUSHER! That might be able to finish him…

Ref: 1…

2…

SW: Kickout by Eddie.

DM: You won't beat a Deegan like that. One move does not a pin make.

GK: Did I just hear something INTELLIGENT come out of your mouth, Dan? Wow, I must be rubbing off on you.

DM: Shut up, Gary.

SW: Big Daddy is playing smart here, not letting Eddie get back to his feet, but instead HAULING Eddie above his head! He walks over to the ropes… AND THROWS EDDIE INTO THE CROWD! The crowd is acting like this is a concert, as Eddie is being crowd surfed to the back of the arena!

GK: Ok, I'll admit it. THAT'S entertaining!

SW: And now Big Daddy is looming over Jason, who is down on the mat, telling the ref that his neck is hurt… and Brooks pushes the ref out of the way! Brooks looks like he's almost enjoying this! Brooks picking Jason up… AND JASON WITH A BOOT INTO THE STOMACH… AND A SPINNING BRAINBUSTER!

GK: Beautiful Corkscrew Brainbuster there by Jason Deegan, as playing possum worked to his advantage.

DM: Man! He almost sent Brooks head THROUGH the mat!

SW: And he's following it up here, lifting up Jason… wait a minute. What the hell?!

GK: HAHAHAHAHAHAH! What do you think of your former World Champion now?! He's flitting down to the ring in a pink too-too, wearing a pair of pink fairy wings!

DM: Um…

GK: Don't worry, Dan. We know what YOU think of him.

DM: Shhh… I told you you're not supposed to talk about that! Paul said…

GK: I don't care WHAT Paul said. Now shut up.

SW: Jason Deegan is smiling at Blottie, and has dropped Brooks to the mat, limp. Blottie rolls into the ring, seemingly as "The Binky Fairy", to confront Jason.

GK: And Jason can't stop laughing!

SW: Blottie has a… MAGIC WAND IN HIS HAND?

DM: Better than a dildo!

SW: And he dances up to Jason, who can't stop laughing… and touches Jason in the center of his forehead with that magic wand! He just said "BINK"! OH MY GOD! BROOKS ROLLS HIM UP FROM BEHIND!!!

Ref: 1…

2…

3!!!

GK: NOOOOOOOOO!

SW: BLOTTIE AND BROOKS HAVE DONE IT! WE HAVE NEW NACW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! JASON IS BESIDE HIMSELF!

DM: And Blottie is just smiling, the NACW Tag Team Title on his shoulder, and embraces Brooks, his back leg popping up! BIG DADDY AND THE BINKY FAIRY ARE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

GK: This can't be happening! This just shows you what a JOKE the NACW Tag Titles have become!

SW: Ladies and gentlemen, we have got to go, so thank you for tuning in to yet another…

GK: Mediocre…

SW: …ahem! GREAT edition of Sunday Night Slam Masters! I'm Steve White for Gary Kulash and Dan Mazin, saying until next week… good night!

~NACW~ Official Result

<FTB>