N.A.C.W.

Pay-Per-View!

Ultimate Jeopardy II!

From the Kingdome in Seattle, Washington!

LIVE! March 13, 1999!

 

<"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath (the Ozzy Osbourne Black Sabbath) begins to play. We see several clips of NACW action, and then, Ross Howard begins the voiceover>

 

Ross Howard: Tonight is a night of champions. Tonight, four titles are on the line. Tonight, 13 rookies will enter the ring, and one will walk out right the bragging rights...the right to say that he is indeed the best rookie in the NACW. Tonight, established veterans will try to remain in the picture...or they will be in Ultimate Jeopardy...

 

This is Ultimate Jeopardy II.

 

<Pictures of various rookies taken from interviews come onto the screen>

 

Howard: When 13 men step into the ring at the same time, chaos can be expected, and that is what you're going to get in our opening bout. 13 men, newcomers to the NACW, will step into the ring and fight in a Rookie Rumble.

 

<Split screen of Jeremy Rhodes, dancing in the aisle while adjusting his skirt, and Darkfire, sitting in darkness>

 

Howard: Darkfire demanded to be on the Ultimate Jeopardy II card, and he got what he wanted, but not exactly in the form he expected. He is scheduled to take on "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes, but how that will happen is unknown...Darkfire was involved in a serious car accident just three days prior to the card.

 

<Split screen of Johnny Coast and Johnny Martling>

 

Howard: The Light Heavyweight title match poses an interesting question: can a rookie, just two weeks after debuting, defeat a 15-year veteran in only his third professional match? Johnny Coast will try in defense of his Light Heavyweight title against Johnny Martling.

 

<Split screen of Insane Wayne and Shaun McWhirter>

 

Howard: One man is completely insane. The other, a madman from Scotland, and we're not talking about the Flying Scotsman. The United States title is up for grabs in what is expected to be a brutal match.

 

<Publicity photo of Ozzy Osbourne>

 

Howard: Not exactly a man you'll invite over for dinner with Mom, huh? Well, that's one of the reasons Ozzy Osbourne is playing a concert before tonight's main event. The other? Well, he's a kick-ass musician!

 

<Finally, a split screen of Justin Russell and Billy Classon>

 

Howard: And in the main event, a friendship shattered over one man's greed for gold and the thirst to get out of the so-called "spotlight" he was in. Billy Classon is that man. Justin Russell will attempt to get revenge, along with the title he covets dearly, the NACW World Heavyweight title.

 

<Fade into a packed Kingdome in Seattle, Washington. It's not sold out, but it's close to it. Howard begins speaking again>

 

Howard: LIVE! From the Kingdome in Seattle, Washington...it's Ultimate Jeopardy II, presented to you by the Kilt Report!

 

<The crowd is rowdy tonight, as many fans are yelling, screaming, and throwing stuff around. We pan down to the broadcast booth, where Steve White, dressed in a suit, Dan Mazin, wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and Tony Davis, also wearing a t-shirt and jeans, are seated. The music cuts, and White begins speaking>

 

Steve White: This is going to be one hell of a night, folks! We've got seven action packed matches, six live in the arena, and one brought to you as a bonus match! Joining me as usual is Dan Mazin, and a man who doesn't need crutches anymore, Tony Davis!

 

Tony Davis: That's right, Steve, my doctors told me I didn't knee them anymore to walk, so I threw those sons of bitches away! Now, I'm walking again, and damn, it feels good! You don't know how much you miss something until you can't do it anymore, so I'm glad to be free from my crutches.

 

Dan Mazin: I'm glad too, Tony.

 

Davis: Oh, really?

 

Mazin: Yeah, now you don't have anything to jab me with during commentary!

 

Davis: I still have my elbow...

 

<Davis rams his elbow into Mazin's ribs>

 

Mazin: OW! Son of a bitch!

 

White: We've also got three interviews for you, an announcement by Shawn Coats about a new division here in the NACW, a concert by Ozzy Osbourne, and so much mroe! However, we have some information to pass along to you. Since we've been having satellite problems, you people at home have missed four of our scheduled bouts!

 

Davis: So, being the nice people we are, we're going to tell you about them! First out, the Cult defeated Pope Sixtus the Sixth and Cardinal Syn. Nothing really major about that bout, aside from the fact that afterwards, the Cult officially resigned from the NACW.

 

Mazin: Also, Ken Coffin and Michael Cabster went to a no-contest. The Flying Scotsman showed up halfway through, proclaimed he was bored, and attacked both men!

 

White: Before we give you the result of our next match that was accidentally cut off due to satellite problems, here is an interview from the Flying Scotsman taped a couple of hours before the card.

==

==

[The Flying Scotsman is shown backstage, entering the arena. Backstage reporter Ross Howard goes to talk to him]

 

Howard: "Excuse me Scotsman, could we have a few short words?"

 

Scotsman: "Sure. Fire away."

 

Howard: "Antonio Castillo's been talking about you....hes been threatening you....says you're nothing but a jobber. Thoughts on that?"

 

Scotsman: "Well, why don't you ask him after our match how it feels to get beat by a jobber like me?"

 

Howard: "I could do that..."

 

Scotsman: "You better."

 

"Now Castillo, I can be Irish if you want. I can be French if you want. Hell, I'll even be Australian if you want. But whatever nationality I am, it doesn't matter. My fists will always speak the same language. BANG! BANG!"

 

[Scotsman does the motions of him punching Castillo]

 

Howard: "Now Scots..."

 

Scotsman: "BE QUIET! I AM BOXING!"

 

[Scotsman continues to box for a bit, before stopping.]

 

Howard: "Shaun McWhirter wants to fight you...possibly a 3 way with you, him and Blottie."

 

Scotsman: "Man...that'll be classic. Two Scots in the ring, beating the hell out of each other...thats a PPV Main Event! But lets do it on the next available card. I'll look forward to that one Shaun."

 

"And Blottie, you fancy being in it? You're my friend, and I like my friends. So c'mon, be a dude!"

 

Howard: "Thanks Scotsman..I'll let you get back to training or whatever now."

 

Scotsman: "Training for what?"

 

Howard: "Your match with Antonio Castillo."

 

Scotsman: "That's tonight? Holy shit!"

 

[Scotsman runs off to the locker room]

==

==

Davis: That Flying Scotsman...what a nut.

 

White: A nut with a win under his belt. He defeated Antonio Castillo tonight with his finisher, the Scottish Breaker! Castillo had control for the first three minutes, but after that, it was all Scotsman. Scotsman nailed Castillo with a forearm shot that knocked him into the referee, and that prompted Joe Vaccaro to run down to ringside. Vaccaro tried to clock Scotsman, but Jeremy Rhodes emerged from underneath the ring and clotheslined Vaccaro! Scotsman applies the Scottish Breaker, and that was that!

 

Davis: And in our World Tag Team title match, Sex and Violence retained their gold by defeating Alan Soriano and Chameleon, but it was far from a clean win. Damon Harris and Chameleon tumbled out of the ring following a cross body press from Harris. Dave Bean ran to ringside while Yaz Rocker and Alan Soriano brawled in the ring. As the referee tried to get Soriano and Rocker out of the ring, Bean smacked Chameleon over the head with a football helmet! Harris rolled back in, and as much as Soriano tried to revive his partner, Chameleon was counted out of the ring. When he awoke, he challenged Bean to a Television title match, and Bean accepted. Sex and Violence also helped Chameleon to the back, as, after all, the three of them are still brothers.

 

White: And, up next, we have the Rookie Rumble! Let's get started!

N.A.C.W.

Rookie Rumble

The Rookie Rumble

Written by...Justin Russell

Rookie Rumble

N.A.C.W.

 

White: All right, this one coming up is going to be big, as 13 members of the NACW's biggest rookie crop ever are going to do battle in a Rookie Rumble. The only way to be eliminated in this match is to be thrown over the top rope and have both feet touch the floor. It was rumored that this match would be under GWC rules, meaning that pinfalls and submissions would count, but that was wrong.

 

Davis: There are a lot of guys in there who have some potential. As we all know, one of the biggest rookie crops in the NACW also yielded some of the NACW's biggest superstars, like Justin Russell, Billy Classon, Eddie Deegan, Alan Soriano, and Insane Wayne. I think that if you look hard enough, the next Justin Russell could be wrestling in that very ring.

 

Mazin: Well, I think you have two future NACW World Champions in that ring, and those men at Brian J. Blottie and Ban X. Granted, I don't like the cowboy, but I think he's got a ton of potential, and Blottie is so talented. Of course, the NACW World title is the only title in professional e-wrestling that matters, so that's what everyone is gunning for.

 

White: Let's go to Drew Fortesque to bring these men in.

 

<"We Will Rock You" by Queen begins playing>

 

Drew Fortesque: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is a Rookie Rumble! 13 men will enter, and 12 men will walk home with their heads hung low! And now...introducing the participants!

 

From the Symphony of Destruction...Lost Metal!

 

Also from the Symphony of Destruction...Dream!

 

"Biggie" Doug Divine!

 

"The True Living Legend" Brian J. Blottie!

 

From the Symphony of Destruction..."Intensity" Josh Walters!

 

From the New Italian Connection..."The Loose Cannon" Joe Vaccaro!

 

Sir Smoke-A-Lot!

 

"The Shoot Fighter" Rob Trainor!

 

"The Stylist" Luke Bolean!

 

Ban X!

 

Dave "Too Extreme" Bean!

 

Big O!

 

And, last, but not least...Shock!

 

<All 13 men have now entered the ring, and the music cuts. There is a lot of trash talking going on, and Blottie is yelling mainly at Watlers. Suddenly, the bell rings, and Blottie bee-lines for Walters, tackling him>

 

White: The action is going to be hard to call in this one, so bear with us! Blottie and Walters are brawling in the corner, Lost Metal and Dream are double-teaming Shock, Vaccaro is tangling with Smoke-A-Lot, Ban X and Dave Bean are going at each other, and it looks like Big O is biting the forehead of Rob Trainor!

 

Mazin: Big O is a bit furious that Runs-With-The-Pack wasn't allowed at ringside, so he's going to bite a chunk out of Rob Trainor's head.

 

White: Doug Divine is coming over to help out Big O, stomping on Trainor while Big O has started to choke him with his foot.

 

Davis: Ban X seems to have the advantage in the corner on Dave Bean, punching him with hard, fast fists to the stomach, trying to wear Bean down before he attempts an elimination, which is smart. Sir Smoke-A-Lot's making a mistake that Ban X is making sure not to make, because he's trying to dump out Luke Bolean early, and that doesn't work.

 

Mazin: It looks like Trainor has been worn down enough, because Divine just threw him over the top rope. Trainor is trying to hang on, but Divine is kicking the arm that is holding onto the middle rope, and Trainor lets go, falls to the floor, and he's out.

 

Fortesque: Rob Trainor has been eliminated!

 

Davis: Well, shootfighters don't last long in battle royals, usually. They aren't used to getting ganged up on, along with sharing the ring with 12 other guys.

 

White: Bolean has taken Smoke-A-Lot and kicked him in the forehead, knocking him to the mat, and that's not really a safe place in a battle royal, because all of those arms and legs going everywhere, you can really get hurt like that.

 

Mazin: Ban X has beaten up on Bean enough, I guess, because he just leaped over a couple of guys and tackled Lost Metal! A war started in the GAWA is being rekindled here in the NACW!

 

Davis: Uh, guys, an Amish guy on a horse is coming to the ring.

 

White: That's Obediah! What does he want?

 

Mazin: Who knows, or for that matter, who cares?

 

Davis: Well, whatever he is doing, he has gotten off of his horse, come into the ring...and he throws out Sir Smoke-A-Lot? Huh?

 

Fortesque: Sir Smoke-A-Lot has been eliminated!

 

White: Obediah steps out of the ring, and now...he's applying a sleeper of Smoke-A-Lot! That's the Hand of God!

 

Davis: Kinda brings back memories of the HWA and Steve's Mike Check sleeper, huh, Dan?

 

White: Yeah, I remember that!

 

Mazin: Quiet, ladies. The only reason I lost that match was because of that loser, Snow Storm. Whatever happened to that punk, anyways?

 

Davis: Okay, security has come down to ringside and has removed Obediah from Smoke-A-Lot...wait a second...are they handcuffing Obediah? They are handcuffing Obediah! What the hell is this?

 

Mazin: The Amish guy is under arrest! He wasn't supposed to be here! I love it! Impound his horse!

 

White: Things aren't looking good for Doug Divine now, as Ban X has moved onto him after Big O started fighting Lost Metal. Divine is stunned...Ban X is cinching up...X Marks the Spot, and up and over goes Divine!

 

Fortesque: "Biggie" Doug Divine has been eliminated!

 

Mazin: We're down to ten men in the battle royal, and let's give you pairings. Steve?

 

White: Blottie has not let up on his assault of Walters, and he's beating him into a pulp in the corner. Joe Vaccaro and Dave Bean have teamed up, and they are double-teaming Dream. Big O and Ban X are cutting Lost Metal off from saving Dream, as *they* are double-teaming him. Finally, Bolean and Shock are trading punches in the center of the ring.

 

Davis: That is smart work by Big O and Ban X. Divide the S.O.D., so they can't work as a team. Then, you've got a prime chance to double-up on someone. Of course, Blottie is flat-out destroying the third member of the S.O.D., Josh Walters, and I don't think he cares about Big O, Ban X, Joe Vaccaro, or Dave Bean.

 

Mazin: Vaccaro and Bean are setting up...double clothesline! Dream is staggered back, and Vaccaro and Bean smack him with another double clothesline! There goes the assumed leader of the S.O.D.!

 

Fortesque: Dream has been eliminated!

 

White: Shock is attacking Blottie, trying to get the advantage on him. Blottie is leaning on the ropes...and he lifts one arm and throws Shock over the top rope, and goes back to fighting Walters, who has somehow gotten to his feet!

 

Fortesque: Shock has been eliminated! Joe Vaccaro has been eliminated!

 

Mazin: Wait a second...how did Vaccaro get dumped?

 

White: Lost Metal got a forearm in on him and Vaccaro fell over the top rope.

 

Davis: We're down to Blottie, Walters, Metal, Bolean, Ban X, Big O, and Bean. Seven men are left, and we're not sure just how this is going to work out, as Big O has come over and laid out Blottie, which is going to give Walters some much-needed rest after getting completely destroyed for the last six minutes.

 

White: Blottie and Big O are going at it, Bolean and Ban X are fighting, and Metal is tangling with Bean, as Walters rests in the corner.

 

Davis: Ban X has Bolean teetering on the ropes, and Bolean looks like he could go. Meanwhile, Big O has taken something of an advantage on Blottie, as he has Blottie in a wear-down move, a bearhug. Blottie trying to get out of the hold by punching Big O, but that's taking no effect on this beast.

 

Mazin: Ban X drive an elbow to Bolean's jaw, and that gives him just a big more leverage. Bean walks over to Ban X, and starts lifting him up to throwing him out! Bolean went over, as did Ban X, but Bolean fell to the floor, while Ban X has slid right back in and is punching at Bean!

 

Fortesque: Luke Bolean has been eliminated!

 

White: Blottie's biting Big O! Blottie has bitten Big O! It made Big O drop Blottie, but that's quite the unorthodox move!

 

Mazin: Metal jumped Bean from behind, and Walters is coming to join him! Walters has recovered slightly, and the S.O.D. is attacking Ban X, gang-style! Bean is going to fight Big O...the S.O.D. has just gang-attacked and eliminated Ban X!

 

Fortesque: Ban X has been eliminated!

 

Davis: Wait! While the S.O.D. is taunting Ban X, Blottie just came over and pushed on both of their heads, dumping them over the top rope and eliminating them!

 

Fortesque: Josh Walters and Lost Metal have been eliminated!

 

White: This has to be the quickest battle royal I have ever seen! We are only eight minutes in, and ten men have bitten the dust! We're down to three: Dave Bean, Big O, and Brian J. Blottie!

 

Davis: Steve, that just shows you just how much ferciousity these rookies have in them! A quick elimination of another guy means you stand a better chance of remaining in the ring, while getting yourself over with the fans!

 

Mazin: Blottie is getting some rest, while watching Big O and Dave Bean fighting at each other. Blottie has earned the rest, as he has dumped out three people himself while completely crushing Josh Walters. He's earned the respect of a lot of people.

 

Davis: Hey, give Ban X some credit. He did great, considering that the S.O.D., Big O, Dave Bean, and Brian Blottie were all gunning to get him out. He was a marked man, and I think he survived the pressure longer than any of us expected. He even took out two guys, Doug Divine and Luke Bolean.

 

White: Big O is pounding on Bean, and I think Big O may be too much for Bean in this battle royal...Big O has Bean up on the ropes...wait a second, Blottie runs over to the corner, and dumps out both Big O and Dave Bean! Blottie sneaks up from behind and wins the Rookie Rumble!

 

<The bell rings>

 

Fortesque: Big O and Dave Bean have been eliminated! Your winner of the Rookie Rumble, at 9:12, "The True Living Legend" Brian J. Blottie!

 

White: Big O will get credit on the elimination of Dave Bean, but Brian J. Blottie scores the crucial elimination of Big O! Blottie eliminates four people, and he is your winner of the Ultimate Jeopardy II Rookie Rumble!

 

N.A.C.W.

Official Result...

Winner: Brian J. Blottie, last eliminating Big O.

Time of Victory: 9:12.

Official Result...

N.A.C.W.

White: That's a huge win for Brian J. Blottie, who is backstage with Ross Howard!

 

<Fade backstage, where Howard is with a tired Blottie>

 

Howard: Thanks Steve, and like Steve said, I'm here with Brian J. Blottie, who scored an incredible win in the Rookie Rumble. Congratulations, Mr. Blottie.

 

Brian J. Blottie: You'd better get used to saying that a lot, Howard, because this sure as hell isn't my first win here in the NACW. I'm not stopping until I reach the top, and that's you, Billy Classon. I've got my sites set on you, and...what the hell do you want?!

 

<The Flying Scotsman comes into view, with a champagne bottle>

 

The Flying Scotsman: Hey, how about that? My friend wins the Rookie Rumble! Good job, Brian!

 

<Scotsman extends a hand to Blottie, who then slaps it away>

 

Blottie: First off, that's *Mr.* Blottie to you. What makes you think I'm your friend, Scotsman? In case you forgot, I don't befriend retards! <turns to Howard> And this interview is over!

 

<Blottie turns around, and Scotsman charges at him, smacking him with the bottle. After hitting him with it a few times, he grabs the microphone from Howard>

 

Scotsman: Goodbye, friend!

 

Howard: That's a scene of chaos for you here backstage. Back to you at ringside.

 

<Back to ringside>

 

White: Well, I can't say Blottie didn't deserve it. Scotsman only wanted a friend, not to be called a retard.

 

Mazin: Yeah, but Scotsman didn't need to hit the guy over the head with a bottle. That was uncalled for.

 

White: Well, if your thirst for violence hasn't been quenched yet, just hang on, because it's falls-count-anywhere up next!

N.A.C.W.

Falls Count Anywhere

"The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes vs. Darkfire

Written by...Shawn Coats

Falls Count Anywhere

N.A.C.W.

 

White: Well, we're not sure about this next one. Darkfire was recently involved in an extremely serious car accident, and it's not even know if he's dead or alive! We haven't really heard anything on his condition!

 

Davis: If he was here, we would have heard from someone by now.

 

Mazin: This whole thing has me puzzled. I can understand why Darkfire would miss this match, but Jeremy Rhodes has to fight someone or he's going to flip out.

 

(("Enter: Sandman" by Motorhead begins to play))

 

White: Looks like we're going to find out. Drew Fortesque, it's all yours.

 

Drew Fortesque: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is a falls count anywhere match scheduled for one fall, and it has no time limit. Introducing first...

 

((Ash Fyredrake walks out from the curtain with a microphone in his hand))

 

Ash Fyredrake: Hey, Drew, please stop. And cut the music, please.

 

((The music stops, and Fyredrake walks into the ring))

 

Fyredrake: As all of you know, Darkfire, Demona, and myself were injured in a car accident recently. Demona has several broken ribs and a concussion, and I got out lucky. However, Darkfire was pinned in the car for over four hours, and lost so much blood that he has to undergo emergency surgery at the hospital. Fortunately, he survived the surgery, but unfortunately, he lost his life at 3:45 this morning. Now, I know that he wanted to see Jeremy Rhodes destroyed, so I'm going to step in and take his place tonight, but before that happens, I'd like for us to all bow our heads and have a moment of silence for Darkfire.

 

((Before the moment of silence can truly start, "Thunder Kiss '65" by White Zombie begins to play and the crowd explodes into cheers. "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes is now walking down the aisle. He is dressed in a t-shirt with the MHPW (Maniac Hardcore Puroresu/Wrestling) logo on the front, along with a red, black, and white bold striped skirt. He has added pantyhose to the outfit, and he also is wearing two different colored kneepads over the pantyhose; a black kneepad on one and a blue kneepad on the other. He is also wearing white high-top canvas Converse sneakers. He has a fire extinguisher in his right hand, He leaps into the ring, and tells Fortesque to hold the microphone up for him. The music cuts))

 

"The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes: You know, I'm sorry about what happened to Darkfire and all, but you saying that you're going to destroy me? That's kind tarnishing the memory of that mid-carder, isn't it? You're an asshole!

 

((Rhodes sprays Fyredrake right in the eye with a fire extinguisher, causing him to fall backwards...))

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

White: Jeremy Rhodes has just sprayed Ash in the eye with that fire extinguisher! Ash can't see! Rhodes walks over to him and sprays him in the face with that fire extinguisher! He's holding it up for the crowd to see...and he slams it onto the back of Ash! Ash is hurting early!

 

Mazin: Rhodes slides out of the ring after throwing that fire extinguisher to the side, and he's going to return with a chair! Ash is trying to regain sight, and Rhodes setting him up like he's playing a game of golf...FORE!

 

Davis: Rhodes just swung that chair right into the face of Ash, and if Ash isn't out cold be now, I'd be surprised! Look at the dent that Rhodes put in that chair with Ash's face!

 

White: Rhodes is getting up onto the middle rope, signalling for something...he drives the point of his elbow into the back of Ash's head! Rhodes isn't letting up!

 

Davis: Rhodes trying to get Ash to stand up, and Rhodes whips him in. Rhodes picks up the chair, but Ash boots the chair right into Rhodes' face before he can get that chair into the stomach of Ash, or something like that. Ash picks up Rhodes has has him in a gorilla press...drops him horizontally across the top rope!

 

Mazin: Rhodes is hurting, as he's holding his nuts, and Ash slams that dented chair into the back of Rhodes' head! Rhodes falls to the outside, and Ash steps over the top rope. Ash is a beast at 7'3", 490-plus, and Rhodes is a meager 6'6", 211 pounds. He's dwarfed by Ash.

 

White: Ash attempts a double-ax handle, but Rhodes slams a fist into his stomach. Ash is bent over, and Rhodes quickly springs to the apron and the middle rope. Rhodes positioning himself...moonsault press, but Ash caught him across his shoulder! Ash heaves Russell up and drops him face-first onto the apron! Rhodes' jaw is broken, at least!

 

Davis: Rhodes is thrown back into the ring, and Ash is positioning him...diving elbowsmash right into the throat, and he makes the cover...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Davis: And Rhodes kicks out, with quite a bit more left in him.

 

((The lights start flickering))

 

Mazin: Wait a second...who forgot to pay the power bill?

 

White: We're experiencing some problems with the lights...wait. Am I really seeing a coffin being pushed to the ring?

 

Davis: I have no idea what this is all about.

 

((The lights go out, except for a spotlight on the ring))

 

Mazin: Ash is keeping Rhodes somewhat grounded, and the coffin is now touching the ring apron...

 

Voice (over the loudspeakers): JEREMY RHODES...BE CONSUMED BY THE DARKNESS!

 

((The lights immediately come up, and the coffin lid flies off...and Darkfire jumps out!))

 

Mazin: What the hell?! Are we doing a Ministry of Darkness angle here?

 

White: Folks, we were told that Darkfire was dead, and here he is! Darkfire and Ash are double-teaming Jeremy Rhodes! This was a set up! It was a God damned set up!

 

Davis: Darkfire has a robe, and he is choking Rhodes with it, while Ash is kicking Rhodes in the stomach! I don't like Rhodes, but what did he do to deserve this?

 

Mazin: Rhodes is nearly out cold, as he's getting choked with that robe. Ash sets him up...power bomb, perhaps? Ash lifts him up, walks over to the ropes ner the coffin...AND POWER BOMBS HIM STRAIGHT THROUGH THE LID!

 

White: I agree with Tony! What the hell did Jeremy Rhodes do to deserve getting beaten up like this?

 

Davis: Darkfire and Ash are out of the ring, and they are going to wheel that coffin to the back. I don't like this, not one bit.

 

White: Wait...out of the broken wood, a shoe has popped out! Jeremy Rhodes isn't done yet! Rhodes is kicking at anything, and if connects, he's going to kick harder! Rhodes is slamming his foot into Darkfire...and he's getting up! Is Rhodes going to fight this as a handicap match?!

 

Mazin: Rhodes dives onto Darkfire from the coffin, and he's about to punch at Darkfire's head, but Ash slams the side of the coffin into the back of Rhodes' head. Rhodes falls for a second, but spins around, and now, he's going to attack Ash!

 

Davis: Rhodes has a grip on Ash, and he throws him into the guard rail! Rhodes reachs into the coffin and pulls out a broken board...and he's going to use that as a weapon! Seattle won't have to wait to opening day for a home run, because Rhodes is swinging for the fences!

 

White: Rhodes swipes at Ash, and connects with the board to the side of the head, and that sends Ash crumbling to the floor! Darkfire is back up, and Rhodes dives right at him, with the board leading in! Rhodes has knocked Darkfire down!

 

Mazin: Rhodes can't keep this up, man. Rhodes and Darkfire are brawling near the entrance, and Ash comes from behind and smacks Rhodes that sends him into the backstage area! Get a camera to follow them!

 

Davis: Ash and Darkfire are now pummeling Rhodes back in the backstage area, with Darkfire using the board that Rhodes dropped, and Ash is using what looks like a pipe. Each time they hit Rhodes, Rhodes staggers back, but fights back just a little bit.

 

White: Rhodes fights back and smacks Ash in the nose! Rhodes smacks Darkfire on the bridge of the nose, and that will stun him for sure! They are near a window now, with a work area about twenty-five feet below. Rhodes grabs Ash by the neck...he's going to run up the window and nail the Lobo Snap!

 

Davis: Rhodes starts his run...BUT ASH SHOVED HIM OFF AND RHODES CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW! HOLY SHIT!

 

White: Jeremy Rhodes went through the window! Rhodes fell about twenty-five feet to the work area, where they run cables and prepare with pyrotechnics! Rhodes crashed right onto the table about three feet from the wall, and that table is made of particle board! Rhodes bounced off of that, and then smacked the concrete floor!

 

Mazin: That killed him! Jeremy Rhodes is broken in half! Ash Fyredrake just killed Jeremy Rhodes!

 

Davis: Jesus...

 

White: Let's take a look at the replay, sponsored by the Kilt Report...

 

((We see Rhodes, who has a hold of Ash's neck to attempt the Lobo Snap, but as Rhodes starts running, Ash pushes Rhodes and Rhodes' body smashes into the window, shattering the glass))

 

White: We've been told we have another angle of that. Let's take a look.

 

((We now see, at an angle, Rhodes flying through the shattered window and landing on the table made of particle board, and then bouncing off and smacking onto the concrete))

 

Davis: Is he moving?

 

Mazin: Look at Ash and Darkfire. They don't believe what just happened.

 

Davis: That has to be the scariest move I've seen since Mick Foley's dive off of the cage at Hell in a Cell, or Buff Bagwell's neck injury on April 22, 1998. Just that Rhodes crashed through a sheet of glass is bad enough, but falling twenty-five feet and landing on that thick, hard particle board table and then smacking onto the concrete is horrible.

 

White: EMT's are now back there, as they are trying to revive Jeremy Rhodes. Folks, there has been a debate about whether or not wrestling is real, but there's no doubt about what we just saw. That was real. Far too real. Jeremy Rhodes is seriously hurt...wait a second...Ash and Darkfire are coming down! They are going to attempt a pin on Rhodes!

 

Mazin: It's elementary, dear White. Rhodes is nearly dead, so win the match. Ash makes the cover, and the referee is in position...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE...KICKOUT!

 

White: HE KICKED OUT!

 

Davis: HOW THE FUCK DID HE DO THAT?

 

Mazin: Rhodes is superhuman!

 

White: Jeremy Rhodes, who has to at least be suffering some internal injuries after that incredible fall, kicked out!

 

Davis: Rhodes is getting up...that's incredible. Rhodes, who is now bleeding heavily from about six different places from where he was cut by that glass, is up...and he's got a wooden dowel! He's telling Darkfire and Ash to bring it on!

 

White: Rhodes is an expert in using a quarterstaff, and a dowel is similar to that!

 

Mazin: Ash swoops in, but Rhodes smacks him with the dowel in the forehead! Rhodes is using that dowel just like a staff, so I suggest we call it that!

 

Davis: Rhodes takes the butt of the staff and smacks Darkfire right in the jaw. Rhodes is now extiing through the work door, and Darkfire and Ash are following behind! Rhodes is limping, and he's hurt, but he's still going back!

 

White: Rhodes breaks the staff in half over his knee, turns around, and tosses both halves to Ash and Darkfire! Rhodes is telling them to bring it...Ash swings, Rhodes ducks, kicks Ash in the head, and stuns the big man. Rhodes grabs Darkfire by the neck, runs up Ash, turns in mid-air...LOBO SNAP! Rhodes covers Darkfire!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Davis: Jeremy Rhodes, just three minutes after falling 25-feet, has beaten Darkfire and Ash Fyredrake in a handicap match! Play his music, tell him to get to the ring, and let him take in the praise! He deserves it!

 

(("Thunder Kiss '65" by White Zombie begins to play again, and Rhodes walks the halls until Ross Howard shows him to the curtain. Rhodes walks through the entrance, and the crowd explodes with cheers out of respect for him. Rhodes limps down to the ring, where he then painfully slides underneath the bottom rope and Fortesque begins to make his announcement))

 

Fortesque: Your winner of this handicap match...the one...the only..."THE LOBO" JEREMY RHODES!

 

((You can hear clapping from all three announcers))

 

White: Hard-earned win, and the fact that he's still alive after that fall he took is just plain amazing.

 

Mazin: Rhodes slides out of the ring...and he deserves all the credit in the world for surviving that one!

 

N.A.C.W.

Official Result...

Winner: "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes via pinfall following the Lobo Snap.

Time of Fall: 9:47.

Official Result...

N.A.C.W.

White: Jeremy Rhodes somehow defeated two men! That's incredible!

 

Mazin: I think we have to give him major credit for surviving a 25-foot fall. I'll certainly give him all the respect in the world after he took that major fall.

 

Davis: Hey, we've got a good match up next, right?

 

Mazin: I can't say that we do. Ian Bradley is taking on Kevin Hall. Doesn't seem like a good match to me.

 

White: Despite your opinions, Dan, it's still up next.

N.A.C.W.

One-Fall Match

Kevin Hall vs. Ian Bradley

Written by...Alan Soriano

One-Fall Match

N.A.C.W.

 

S.W: And the hits just keep on coming! Once again, I am Steve White, joined by Tony Davis, and the irrepresible Dan Mazin...

 

D.M: Oh, a BIG word, huh? Wow, expanding the old vocabulary, eh White?

 

T.D: Well, if there were a word to describe your manhood, well, the english language hasent created a word for a thing that tiny..

 

D.M: WHY YOU..

 

S.W: (Trying to ignore the two) Well fans, we got a great match coming up..Two NACW veterans step into the squared circle as Ian Bradley faces Kevin Hall! Tony, how do you feel about this match?

 

T.D: Well, I..

 

D.M: You dont even BOTHER to ask me, huh?

 

T.D: Oh, dont get your damned panties in a ruffle.

 

S.W: Will you both just...ARRGGH...

 

("Kashmir" by Led Zepplin plays and the arena goes black as strobe lights go off...An announcer in the ring starts making the announcement...)

 

Ann: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL...INTRODUCING FIRST..WEIGHING IN AT 335 LBS....KEVIN HALLLL!!!

 

(Kevin Hall comes strutting out of the back in his singlet...He walks his 6'11 frame confidently to the ring..He goes up to the ring, and steps over the top rope, raises his arms to a fairly mixed pop..The lights come on as "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana plays.)

 

Ann: AND HIS OPPONENT...WEIGHING IN AT 307 LBS....THE BOMB..IAN BRADLEY!!!!

 

(Ian comes out by himself, slapping some hands, but looks all business as he reaches the ring...Hall attacks Bradley before he can take off his Yankee jacket....)

 

*ding*

 

S.W: And there is the bell, but Hall couldent wait! Hall whips Bradley into the corner..AND A VICOUS RUNNING LARIAT! Hall backs up..Kneelift!..And another! And now..A EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! And that sends Bradley down in the corner..And now Hall..stomping..stomping...and stomping away..Now digging the foot into Bradleys throat!!!! The ref counting..And now Hall lets up..But Bradley choked in the corner!

 

T.D: Bradley really given the business by Hall...The Bomb looks slightly defused in the corner.

 

D.M: How witty...

 

S.W: Bradley up now...But gets kicked in the gut...Scooped up...SIDE SLAM! And Bradley is throttled! Now Hall...Bounces off the far side ropes....BIG LEGDROP!...Cover by Hall...

 

1

 

2

 

S.W: NO! Bradley slips out...And Hall retaliiates by nailing an elbow drop...Bradley really taking a beating...

 

D.M: Hall, a former @lliance member, proving that he can still wrestle, contrary to popular belief...

 

S.W: He has a slight height and weight advantage, but these are two big heavyweights! And Hall continues to stomp down on Bradley, who is crawling for the ropes...

 

T.D: Hes trying to get amnesty from those ropes, but is yanked up by the hair by Hall...SPINE BUSTER! OH MAN! Cover by Hall...

 

1

 

 

2

 

T.D: Thr..NO! Bradley barely slips out!

 

S.W: And Hall feeling a bit frustrated here...Now stomping on Ian some more...And now he rolls Ian out of the ring with his foot....Hall stepping over those ropes and standing on the apron..Just looking over Bradley..Bradley now...Stumbling to his feet...LOOK OUT! HALL LEAPS!

 

T.D: WOAH! Great recovery by Bradley caught Hall off guard!

 

S.W: He grabbed a chair and just nailed Kevin Hall with it..Feigning injury, Bradley stumbled over to the rail and grabbed a timekeepers chair and smacked an airborne Kevin Hall! Hall stumbling to his feet...And Bradley slams him with the chair again! This time, over the head!

 

D.M: MAN, THIS REFEREE SUCKS! DISQUALIFY HIM!

 

S.W: Dan, usually, your arguement would have some merit, but this is Ultimate Jeopardy! The fans want to see a winner and the referee is letting them fight..

 

T.D: OOh! But Hall with a big boot to the face of Bradley that sends that chair into the head of Bradley! And Hall showing some smarts there...

 

S.W: Now Hall shovels Bradley into the ring, and enters himself before the count...Now Hall continues to stomp down on Bradley. And Hall now...off the ropes..Knee drop..MISSED! Bradley rolls out of the way! And Bradley, with the support of the crowd, getting to his feet! Both men on their feet...And Bradley....Clothesline..Ducked...And Hall GETS HIM IN A SLEEPER! HES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING, TONY..

 

T.D: Thats not good for Bradley...

 

D.M: AH HA...Putting him to sleep..NIGHT NIGHT, BOMB BOY!

 

S.W: Ian is slowly going...But still on his feet..The ref now..Checking Ians arm...Lift...Thats one!...Again...2!!! Halls got him! Ref checks...3..NO! Bradleys ARM IS UP! The crowd responds! Bradley..Groping behind him...Grabs Halls head...

 

D.M: NO!!!!

 

T.D: YES! JAWJACKER! HALL IS DOWN! BRADLEY WITH THE ROLLUP...

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

3!!!

 

D.M: NO! HE KICKED OUT!

 

T.D: NO WAY MAZIN! ITS OFFICIAL! BRADLEY WINS!

 

Ann: HERE IS YOUR WINNER....THE BOMB..IAN BRADLEYYY!!!!

 

("Smells Like Teen Spirit" plays as Ian celebrates in the ring to cheers..Hall rolls underneath the bottom rope and slams his hand on the apron as he leaves...)

 

S.W: What a match! But, theres still more to come..NACW..ULTIMATE JEOPARDY II! STAY TUNED FANS!

 

N.A.C.W.

Official Result...

Winner: Ian Bradley via pinfall following a jawjacker.

Time of Fall: 9:16.

Official Result...

N.A.C.W.

[You see a white church with a stained glass window on the front. The camera goes in throught the huge open arch way on the side of the building. The camera enters and there is a long runway which leads to the podeum at the head of the church. Behind the podeum is a 10' crucifix hanging. The camera man zooms in on the man who is standing at the podeum and as he gets closer and closer you see a white figure. As it gets ten feet awy the camera focus' and standing there is a well built, blonde haired man in a traditional preacher outfit. His large and strong hands are gripping the corners of the podeum and then he begins to speak.]

" As God looked on to Moses he looks onto me. He chose a man who was strong enough to care out his plan. As the prophecies said, a priest in his 10th year of filling out his job, would be chosen by God to take care of the wicked. He, the Almighty, appeared before me and spoke to me his plan. His plan was to destroy the un-holy ones at the root of the problem. It has come to my attention that this "e-fed" is full of profanity stricken, vulger and violent men and they compete this way for a prize, an award, a belt. So I have entered this NACW to destroy the ones that forsake God. He has given me the ability to become profane, violent and vulger so that I can compete with these sinners. I vanquish my priest collar(he throws the white collar on the ground and steps on it with his white boots)! In particular, of all these men, Obediah has not followed the way of God by living as some fucking quaker! Or amish! Whatever! He is the first man I am looking to hurt. He will end up being an example of how the wrath of God flows inside of me. I'll rip his limbs off one by one, while the NACW fans in the crowd watch in horror of the site of a grown man using the incredible strength inside of himself to send this amish fuck's soul back to the hell that spawned him. I am ready to fight and even though I am new at this e-fed crap I'll find a way to win the matches I set forth for myself.(He takes the podeum lifts it over his head and throws it over the cameraman's head) When I enter my first match the millions that will watch will be in awe after they see what has happened to the opponent after he has been hit by the Holy Driver and have felt my Holyness from above!(He turns and gets down on his knee's and with his arms open wide looks up at the crucifix)Lord give me the strength to disembow the opponents that will face me.( He spins around on his knee and he is on one knee staring at the lens of the camera) For all of the men in NACW repentence is coming and I will judge all and it will be an unholy day when I set forth in the ring. Remember my name because it will be the one in your obituary that says killed you!

I AM MR. FAITH!!!"

 

Camera man:" I guess thats a rap? See ya later Mr. Faith. Hope this destroy the sinners thing works out for you."

==

==

White: How about that guy? That's Mr. Faith! He's going to be debuting at Sunday Night Slam Masters coming up on March 21, which, of course, is headlined by Jeremy Rhodes vs. Insane Wayne in a Crimson Rain match!

 

Davis: I can't wait for that one. I've been in a Crimson Rain match, and I'll tell you, that as damned brutal. I'd rather sit ringside and just watch, thank you.

 

Mazin: So, this "bonus" match, that's up next, huh?

 

White: That's right, Dan. And don't worry, it's taped, so you don't have to do commentary. This following match is from Ultimate Jeopardy I, and it was voted the best match of 1998...it's the Myakka Bar Room Brawl!

 

Davis: You're kidding!

 

White: I kid you not, Tony! Ross Howard and I put commentary on this match back in November of 1998, and then, Shawn Coats decided that due to the satellite problems, we'll put this match in it's place!

 

Davis: That's cool!

 

White: And for those of you who haven't heard about the Myakka Bar Room Brawl, we've even added a little history before and after the match! Enjoy!

N.A.C.W.

Myakka Bar Room Brawl

Alan Soriano vs. "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes vs. Jack "Shot Glass" Daniels

(Retransmitted from Ultimate Jeopardy I, March 1, 1998)

Written by...Justin Russell

Myakka Bar Room Brawl

N.A.C.W.

 

NOTE: The following is a rewritten version of the Myakka Bar Room Brawl three-way match from NACW Ultimate Jeopardy 1998 (originally written on March 1, by Shawn Coats and James Stevens [a.k.a. James Storm]). James Stevens originally wrote this triangle match, between "The Annihilator" Alan Soriano, Jack "Shot Glass" Daniels, and "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes (who will be referred to as Jeremy Rhodes in this match), yet didn't put commentary on the match as a result of his card-writing sucking. Now, commentary will finally be added to this match. This match is written completely from the memory of myself, so if some parts are missing, don't be surprised. I remember the elimination order, how they were eliminated, and that's about it. Now, enjoy the Myakka Bar Room Brawl...

==

==

Ross Howard: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. This is a reproduction of the Myakka Bar Room Brawl. "The Annihilator" Alan Soriano was originally scheduled to fight Jack "Shot Glass" Daniels. However, Daniels make a ludicrous challenge from the International Wrestling Association.

 

Steve White: Danels feuded with then-NACW President Shawn Coats in the IWA, as Coats filled in for Jason Deegan in Deegan's feud with Daniels. Coats ended up retiring from the sport as a result of a neck injury, and he then signed Daniels to an NACW contract, saying that past feuds would be put aside.

 

Howard: However, Daniels disappeared after defeating Soriano for the NACW U.S. title, appearently on a drinking binge. Coats was unable to contact Daniels, and Daniels "lost" the U.S. title to Ray Garcia as an imposter Daniels lost the title. The real Daniels returned and was furious at the loss.

 

White: As Daniels blamed Coats for the loss of the U.S. title, Soriano went on an anti-South campaign, which didn't just piss off Daniels (it also infuriated "Big Dog" Justin Russell, who had a brief alliance with Daniels until Russell won the World title, and Daniels promptly attacked Russell). Soriano then made the challenge: a Myakka Bar Room Brawl.

 

Howard: Soriano challenged Daniels in his backyard, in Daniels' natural environment, knowing the problems that could have happened. Daniels refused, claiming that he wanted the U.S. title back and was entitled to a match with Garcia. Coats, however, put Garcia in the main event, teaming him with Russell against Steam Roller and the Crusader in the match that gave the PPV it's name, the Ultimate Jeopardy match.

 

White: Once again, Daniels went after Coats with a furious vengance, claiming that Coats was trying to screw him out of a title. Then, Daniels went one step too far; he challenged Coats to join in on the Myakka Bar Room Brawl.

 

Howard: There was no way Coats was going to be able to compete with his injured neck, so then, "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes stood up for his boss and best friend, saying that he was willing to sacrifice his own body to protect his friend. Coats objected, saying that he could handle his own business, but his wife eventually convinced him to let Rhodes fight on his behalf. Coats signed the match on February 21, 1998, but there was a condition; if Rhodes didn't eliminate Daniels, then Coats would fight Daniels himself at NACW Rage In The Cage in April 1, 1998.

 

White: Soriano and Rhodes had the utmost respect for each other, and didn't try to hide it. Daniels then accused Coats of making the match a two-on-one, saying that Soriano and Rhodes would team up on him in a heartbeat. Rhodes claimed that in that bar, Soriano was just another opponent that was going to get his ass kicked. Soriano took offense to that, and claimed that Coats was too afraid to fight his own battles, so he sent Rhodes after both of them.

 

Howard: The tension was thick on the night of the card. Johnny Martling (then "Devon Jericho") made his NACW debut and defeated Erick Madrigal to lead off the card. The Myakka Bar Room Brawl was next. After that, the Iceman defeated Michael Cabster, Billy Classon defeated Johnny Blaze in a martial arts match, and Russell and Garcia defeated Roller and Crusader. The other result is unknown, but the match was highly forgettable. Anyone who witnessed the card said that the first two matches of the night were the best, but the Myakka Barroom Brawl was the end-all, be-all of hardcore matches.

 

White: Now, without further ado, the Myakka Barroom Brawl.

==

==

<The scene is simple; a small, dirty bar in Myakka, Florida. The walls are made of rotting wood, and there are several holes in it. There is an old pinball machine in the corner, and a few tables are scattered across the room.. Jack "Shot Glass" Daniels is at the bar, in his dirty flannel shirt and jeans, with a wife-beater underneath. He looks at if he hasn't showed in months. The bartender, Louie, hands Daniels another bottle of cheap beer. Bryan Storm, the special referee for the fight, walks through the front door, with a cellular phone in his pocket to alert the police and EMT's if a wrestler is knocked unconscious and therefore, is eliminated>

 

Howard: A dull scene so far, but things are about to get good soon. The bar was cleared out, but Daniels insisted on having Louie there.

 

<A Ford S-10 pickup truck crashes through the wall and rambs right into the bar, forming a small 5' by 5' "pit." The door opens up on the passenger side, and "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes, clad in a white Dallas Stars t-shirt and blue jeans, slides out, flying through the air and tackling Daniels>

 

White: Here we go! "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes crashes through the wall, and he's blindsided Jack "Shot Glass" Daniels with a football tackle and a flurry of punches!

 

Howard: Wait a second...Alan Soriano has entered through the front door, choosing to make a quiet interest, and he's got a sledgehammer with him! Soriano sneaking up on Rhodes, and I think it's going to be hammer time for Jeremy Rhodes! Soriano wants to end Jeremy Rhodes early with that sledge!

 

White: Soriano raises up, but Rhodes looks back for a brief second and kicks Soriano in the shin! Soriano drops the sledgehammer over his shoulder, and Rhodes is leaving Daniels to go after Soriano! Rhodes with a kick to Soriano's gut, and then Rhodes levels him with a clothesline.

 

Howard: Rhodes lifts up Soriano and throws him against that truck, bitchslapping him several times. Louie is just watching this in amazement, but now he hands Daniels some hard liquor. Daniels takes a swig from his bottle, and smashes it over the back of Rhodes' head! Rhodes is down on the barroom floor, and now Daniels is going after Soriano!

 

White: There is broken glass all over the floor, and it looks like Daniels is getting the better of Soriano, as he just shoved him onto that pit caused by the truck. Daniels now climbing over that truck, having a hard time negotiating the truck, and that gives time for Soriano to get back up! Daniels it standing on that truck, and Soriano grabs Daniels by the jeans and flings him into that wall!

 

Howard: Soriano has Daniels propped up on the wall, assaulting him with rabbit punches to the head and ribs, basically tenderizing Daniels. Rhodes is getting back up, and he is bleeding from the back of his head as a result of that liquor bottle being broken over his head.

 

White: Rhodes puts his hand to the back of his head, and then retracts it, seeing the crimson on his hand. Rhodes picks up a nearby barstool, and slides over the hood of the truck into the pit, and smashes that stool, seat-first, into the back of Soriano's head.

 

Howard: It looks congested in that pit, Steve.

 

White: Rhodes throws Soriano out of the pit, and that leaves Soriano time to rest as Rhodes works over Daniels in the pit. Rhodes breaks the side of that stool over Daniels' back, and now he throws Daniels onto the truck hood, leaving him on that hood.

 

Howard: Rhodes climbs onto the hood himself, and he has his back to the bartender's area. Daniels trying to get to his feet, and Rhodes looks to be setting him up for a piledriver onto that hood! Rhodes sets him up, but seems to be struggling in getting Daniels up, which leads to a Daniels backdrop! Rhodes' feet crash right through the windshield of that truck!

 

White: Soriano on his knees now, still resting, but Daniels sees him, turns, and flies through the air, smashing Soriano's head onto that dirt floor! Soriano now has a face full of dirt, and that leads to Daniels slamming Soriano's head onto the hard dirt ground. Daniels goes to ram Soriano's head on the ground again, but Soriano drives a field goal kick right onto the crotch of Daniels, which sends Daniels hopping around.

 

Howard: Rhodes looks as if he's taken another cut here, this time on one of his legs. If you get sent through a windshield, you're going to get hurt, so I'm not surprised at this. Rhodes is fishing around in the cab of the truck for something, and it looks like Soriano is going to go after Rhodes.

 

White: Soriano grabs Rhodes by the belt, but Rhodes turns around and smashes Soriano across the face with a hockey stick! What the hell was this all about? Rhodes has a hockey stick in the front of the truck!

 

Howard: You are allowed to bring you own weapons, so it looks like Rhodes has taken full advantage of that.

 

White: Daniels is back to normal (for him, at least), and Soriano staggers back, and Rhodes is fighting like an action movie star, smacking both of them with that hockey stick! Soriano staggers into a shot that knocks him back, and Rhodes turns around to smack Daniels. Soriano comes back from behind, and Rhodes jams the butt of the stick right onto Soriano's chin.

 

Howard: Rhodes doesn't hold the advantage for long, though, and Daniels ducks a shot, kicks Rhodes in the thigh, and takes the stick from him. Daniels is now assaulting Rhodes with that stick. Soriano grabs the sledgehammer, and Soriano runs wildly at Daniels, just missing the shot to Daniels' gut, but he takes out part of that back wall! Soriano leaves the hammer...IN THE WALL...and double-axes Daniels from behind.

 

White: Rhodes stumbles over the bar, which leads to Louie trying to shove him back into the action. Louie picks Rhodes up, but Rhodes bitchslaps Louie, leading to Louie getting the hell out of here! Louie is running out the front door for his life!

 

Howard: Daniels and Soriano are brawling near that pinball machine, and Rhodes rips the minifridge's plug out of the wall. Rhodes puts the minifridge on the bar, and then shoves it down onto that dirt floor, sending a few bottles of beer to the ground, but luckily, nothing is broken.

 

White: Rhodes looks for something again, and he's got it; it's a fire extinguisher! Rhodes has a fire extinguisher! Rhodes leaps over the bar and starts to spray Daniels and Soriano with that cold spray! Both Daniels and Soriano are pinned up against that pinbnall machine, looking like they are about to freeze.

 

Howard: Rhodes throws the extinguisher to the side and begins to chuck glass beer bottles at the both of them! His aim isn't that good, but Rhodes lands a few hits on both men. Daniels is busted open on his arm and forehead, but Soriano is bleeding from his shoulder and hand.

 

White: Look at the back of Rhodes' shirt...it's soaked in blood. We knew this wasn't going to be a wrestling match, but we didn't expect this bloodbath.

 

Howard: Rhodes grabs Daniels by the hair, but wait...Daniels pulled a penknife out of his pocket! Daniels pushes Rhodes' right arm out of the way and stabs Rhodes in the shoulder! Rhodes is yelling out in pain, Daniels turns the knife clockwise and then pulls it out! Daniels slashes Rhodes over the right eye, and then goes after Soriano, but Soriano leaps off the pinball machine with a clothesline!

 

White: Soriano sets Daniels against the bar, and takes the sledgehammer out of that back wall...he's pounding on the wall! I think he wants to take this outside...literally!

 

Howard: Soriano opens up a big hole in the wall. The bar is on top of a hill, with a few trees on the hill, and at the bottom, there is a little stream.

 

White: Soriano picks Daniels up and throws him out of the bar via the hole, and Daniels is sent rolling down the hill, crashing into several trees along the way, until he lands in the stream. However, there seemed to be urine coming out of his pants during the roll down! DId he piss on himself?

 

Howard: Yes, indeed he did! Soriano is now going down to the stream and he's going to drag Daniels back to the bar!

 

White: Soriano pulling Daniels up the hill by the collar, and whenever Daniels starts to put up a fight, Soriano just slams Daniels into a tree! Now Soriano is back in the bar, and Rhodes has an actual axhandle from behind the bar! His entire shirt is soaked in blood now, as a result of those stab wounds, and it looks like Rhodes was shoved into the blood vat at a slaughter house! He's drenched with blood!

 

Howard: Rhodes pushes Soriano into the bar, possibly breaking a rib, and as Daniels gets up, Rhodes swings for the fences and takes out Daniels with a wild shot! Blood is coming out of Daniels' mouth, as it looks like Daniels has some broken ribs or something like that, and Daniels isn't moving!

 

White: Bryan Storm is checking on Daniels, looking to see if Daniels will respond, and now Storm is laying a ten-count on him. Rhodes is stumbling around, trying to stay conscious himself, and Daniels doesn't answer the ten-count! Storm calls in someone on the cell, and here comes the EMT's. They are carefully putting Daniels on the gurney, and they are taking him out of the bar.

 

Howard: Soriano is just watching this in stunned silence, but Rhodes is sitting down, quaffing some of the beer that he DIDN'T break...

 

White: Rhodes is back up, and it looks like Soriano is trying to put an end to this. Rhodes took out Daniels, so now Shawn Coats doesn't have to fight Daniels, but it looks like Rhodes doesn't want the fight to end.

 

Howard: Soriano offers his hand, Rhodes grabs the hand and pulls Soriano into a kneelift. Rhodes drives that beer bottle into the back of Soriano's neck, and as Soriano hits the ground, clutching at the back of his neck, Rhodes is going for the cab of the truck again. He's fishing around in his glove compartment now...and he's got a pair of Fiskars shearing scissors. He's going to do something with those scissors!

 

White: Rhodes places the scissors on the bar and picks Soriano up by the hair, nearly yanking clumps of hair out of Soriano's head. Rhodes places Soriano onto the bar, picks up the scissors...AND DRIVE THE SCISSORS RIGHT INTO SORIANO'S THIGH! Rhodes just stabbed Soriano in the thigh with scissors!

 

Howard: Rhodes turns the scissors around clockwise a couple of times, and then throws the scissors aside. Rhodes then gazes at Soriano, and passes out! Soriano is grabbing his thigh, which is soaking his leg with crimson blood, and Jeremy Rhodes just passed out and struck his head on the floor! That's the end of the match! Alan Soriano wins! He's gushing blood, but he still won!

==

==

THE AFTERMATH: Jack Daniels lost a pint of blood, ended up with a concussion and four broken ribs, as well as 44 stitches. The next day, he broke out of the hospital, and then claimed that he was going to kill Shawn Coats, claiming that Bryan Storm was a biased referee. That remark got him fired as well as arrested and placed in jail. His jail term is undisclosed, but he was released, and has since then suffered many embarassing losses in the NACW. Jeremy Rhodes lost around four pints of blood, which resulted in him passing out. He also suffered a severe concussion, a broken jaw, and a fractured skull, as well as having 211 stitches placed to close his wounds. Alan Soriano lost three and a half pints of blood, mostly from the stab wound, as well as scrapes on his femur, which resulted in him having to undergo surgery to remove bone chips in his leg, but other than that, he escaped nearly unscathed, with the exception of the 192 stitches needed to close his wounds.

 

Soriano would later quit the NACW just a week after this match to go to Jay Ryan's UIW, which he now admits was a mistake, and did not return until February 14, 1999, when he was given a World title match with Billy Classon. Rhodes would wrestle one more match for the pre-GWC NACW, a veterans vs. rookies match at the highly-forgettable NACW Rage In The Cage, where the one good move was Jermaine Hester's Superstar Bomb off the top of the cage on Ian Bradley.

 

N.A.C.W.

Official Result...

Winner: Alan Soriano due to Jeremy Rhodes passing out from blood loss.

Time of Fall: 15:43.

Official Result...

N.A.C.W.

<"Suicide Solution" by The Experience begins to play>

 

White: Looks like our beloved commissioner has something he wants to say!

 

<Shawn Coats walks out the entrance. He's slightly dressed up for Ultimate Jeopardy II; he's actually wearing a shirt with a collar. He is also wearing jeans and army boots. Slung over his left shoulder is a title belt, which is a silver buckle with crimson red leather backing. Coats walks into the ring, and shows the belt to the camera man. It has the NACW logo wrapped in barbed-wire on it, and underneath, it says "NACW Hardcore Wrestling Champion" in words that look they were written by a demented madman. Coats calls for the music to be cut>

 

Coats: All righty, kids...it's announcement time! After two of the most insanely hardcore bouts you're gonna find in the world, it is my decision, as commisioner of the NACW, and we will have a Hardcore title! A tournament is being announced, with the finals being at NACW Clash of the Titans, which is not a pay-per-view card, but a supercard, on April 14, so those last-minute fuckers filing their taxes can have some entertainment! Now, the eight men involved? Here you go...

 

"THE LOBO" JEREMY RHODES!

 

THE FLYING SCOTSMAN!

 

INSANE WAYNE!

 

BIG O!

 

LOST METAL!

 

BAN X!

 

DAVE "TOO EXTREME" BEAN!

 

And finally...

 

"THE SUPERSTAR" SHAWN COATS!

 

Coats: Yeah, that's right, I'm coming out of retirement for one tournament only...just to get it mixed up and prove to you wrestlers in the back that I'm not a commissioner that's going to get jerked around! Brackets announced March 21, with the tournament in full force on March 28. Get ready, people...a true king of hardcore is going to be here, in the NACW...AND IT'S GONNA BE ME!

 

<Coats leaves>

 

White: Wow! That's amazing! Shawn Coats, who has been retired for over a year now, is going to be returning to action for one tournament only, and he's going to be the eighth man in the Hardcore title tournament!

 

Davis: Those other seven aren't just slouches, either! Jeremy Rhodes, the Flying Scotsman, Big O, Lost Metal, Dave Bean, and Ban X, all seven of those men are more than capable of taking the title! Shawn Coats is out of his mind if he thinks he can wrestle in a tournament filled with such talent!

 

Mazin: I'm loving it! Finally, we'll get to see Shawn Coats get his brains kicked in!

 

White: Let's go to our next match!

N.A.C.W.

Light Heavyweight Title Match

Johnny "Sun" Coast (c) vs. "Polar Bear" Johnny Martling

Written by...Justin Russell

Light Heavyweight Title Match

N.A.C.W.

 

White: I honestly don't know how Johnny Coast pinned Stefanie Stevens in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, but he did so. He got thrashed in the first two minutes, but Stevens, a suplex master, went to use a move that he rarely uses, a vertical suplex, and Coast scored a pinfall.

 

Davis: I have no idea how he did that, and I have no idea how he thinks he can walk in and get in the ring with an established 15-year-veteran like Johnny Martling, and then think he's going to keep the belt.

 

<"Why Don't You Get A Job" by the Offspring begins to play>

 

White: Drew Fortesque, let's get things rolling!

 

Fortesque: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is set for one fall with a 20 minute time limit, and it is for the NACW Light Heavyweight title! Introducing first, he is coming to the ring at this time, he weighs in at 225 pounds, he hails from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and he is the challenger...please welcome..."Polar Bear" Johnny Martling!

 

<The curtain opens, and out walks Martling. Martling has short blond hair and a scruffy brown beard. He is wearing his old trunks from when he teamed with Tony Davis and Chris Crow as the Dream Killers in Mexico. The trunks are black, and "Dream Killer" is down the sides in white. He doesn't stop to slap the fan's hands or anything. He just slides underneath the bottom rope, and his music cuts. Suddenly, "Evenflow" by Pearl Jam begins to play, and the crowd explodes with cheers>

 

Fortesque: And his opponent, he weighs in at 190 pounds and hails from Laguna Niguel, California. He is, with respect to Mikey Whipwreck, the NACW's favorite underdog, and he is the NACW Light Heavyweight Champion...please welcome...Johnny "Sun" Coast!

 

<The curtain opens again, and it's almost deafening in the Kingdome. Coast walks out, the Light Heavyweight title around his waist. He is wearing long, red trunks with yellow stripes down each side and white boots. He has long, blond hair, and he looks to be only the age of 19. He gets into the ring, and gets promptly attacked by Martling, which causes the bell to ring and the music to cut>

 

White: And Martling gets the jump on the kid! For those of you getting your first look at Johnny Coast, he was walking down the streets of Laguna Niguel, California, when I accidentally bumped into Alexa Soriano, Alan Soriano's wife. Coast was quick to apologize, but Soriano wasn't too pleased. Coast yelled that he was sorry, and that he was a big fan, and since Soriano kinda felt sorry for the kid, he told him to go to the Chris Coats Memorial House of Hell. Coast did, and now, he's here.

 

Mazin: Martling sends the kid in, catches him with a backdrop, and Coast is holding his back in pain. Martling applies a cobra twist on the mat, but Coast isn't going to tap out. He's too deep into this for him to tap out.

 

Davis: Martling lets the kid back up, and uses a Midnight Drop faceplant, and Martling covers!

 

Referee: One! Two! Thre...!

 

Davis: Martling pulled Coast up! What's up with that? If you've got a guy beaten, you beat him! Martling's not the type of guy to do something like that!

 

White: Martling uses a scoop slam, and he's climbing to the second rope...wait, up to the third rope! Martling leaps off...guillotine legdrop!

 

Mazin: Martling's saying he's going to make the kid tap out...he's going to go for the Death of a Dream! That's a modified Torture Crab!

 

White: Martling's setting him up...wait! Coast twisted in mid-move and turned it into a tight Victory Roll! Martling's kicking like crazy, but Coast has it in too tight!

 

Referee: One! Two! Three!

 

<The bell rings>

 

White: That's gotta be a record! That match didn't even last 30 seconds!

 

Mazin: Holy crap, the kid's got a winning streak!

 

Davis: Martling should have pinned him after that faceplant, but instead, he had to inflict more punishment, and it hurt him in the end!

 

White: Drew Fortesque, is that a record?

 

Fortesque: Your winner of this match, and *still* Light Heavyweight Champion, in a record 21 seconds...Johnny "Sun" Coast!

 

Davis: That's incredible! Coast beat a veteran like Martling in a simple 21 seconds! That's incredible!

 

White: Martling's in shock, and Coast has rolled out of the ring with the belt in his hand! This crowd has gone nuts with cheers, because I don't think they expected that match to end so quickly, but I think they're glad Coast won it!

 

N.A.C.W.

Still Champion...

Winner: Johnny "Sun" Coast via pinfall following a Victory Roll.

Time of Fall: (record time) 21 seconds

Still Champion...

N.A.C.W.

<Scene opens with the Revenger, Blood Boy and Red Leaf. They are channel surfing at Blood Boy's apartment.>

 

The Revenger: Man, what's on at the time? Nothing?

 

Blood Boy: Almost worse than Sunday's.

 

Red Leaf: Red Leaf want to know if the rats are still here.

 

The Revenger: Whatever happened to them?

 

Blood Boy: Yeah, they're down in the basement. I think there are mice too. Go play if you like.

 

<Red Leaf goes off.>

 

The Revenger: I hope he can find his way.

 

Blood Boy: Yeah. I've only been living here three months.

 

The Revenger: Oh well, I guess its for the better.

 

Blood Boy: Oh yeah.

 

The Revenger: Don't you just hate when you hear a song when somebody else is listening to it, and you get it in your head, and you fear when you open your mouth you will pop out the words to it?

 

Blood Boy: Hit Me Ba--- Woah. No, that's never happened to me.

 

The Revenger: Sure? What'd you just say?

 

Blood Boy: Damn I guess it just did.

 

The Revenger: What's with that guy, the Flying Scotsman... he has problems, doesn't he?

 

Blood Boy: Yeah, for sure. He's got major problems.

 

The Revenger: I mean, anyone who actually talks to referee's, well there's a problem right there.

 

Blood Boy: No doubt.

 

The Revenger: Yeah.

 

<Red Leaf walks in with a rat in hand.>

 

The Revenger: What the?!

 

Blood Boy: Hey, get that out of your hands before you come in!

 

<Red Leaf shuts the door.>

 

The Revenger: Ha. He's one weirdo, eh?

 

Blood Boy: Yeah, but he can really kick people's asses.

 

<Red Leaf comes in, with a rat in his mouth.>

 

The Revenger: Haha!

 

Blood Boy: Hey, just get that out of your feel immediately!

 

<He leaves.>

 

The Revenger: Red Leaf, man, he's big time weird.

 

Blood Boy: We've always knew that, but this is just too much.

 

<Red Leaf comes back in, then a mouse runs in, and a rat follows.>

 

The Revenger: Ummmm.... get those out of here.

 

<Red Leaf picks it up.>

 

Blood Boy: What are you doing?

 

Red Leaf: Red Leaf take care of them.

 

The Revenger: For pets?

 

Blood Boy: Get them OUT!

 

Red Leaf: Red Leaf don't have room for them at home, Red Leaf hope you let stay for a bit till he get cage.

 

The Revenger: That's insane.

 

Blood Boy: Alright. You go buy a cage.

 

<Red Leaf drops the rat, as the mouse is still running around. Blood Boy hands him the money and he leaves.>

 

The Revenger: What the hell?

 

Blood Boy: Watch this.

 

<Blood Boy leaves, gets gloves and picks up a bat, hits the rat with it and picks the rat up. He opens the window and drops the rat to the ground. The camera shows the rat on the sidewalk, dead.>

 

The Revenger: Hahaha.

 

Blood Boy: Come here little mouse.

 

The Revenger: Corner it. You can corner mice, unlike rats.

 

<Blood Boy quickly corners the rodent, picks it up and throws it out of the window, hitting the window of a driving car. He shuts the window.>

 

Blood Boy: Poor Bastard.

 

<Camera goes to the car.>

 

Red Leaf: Red Leaf have a mouse just like that!

 

<Camera goes back to the apartment.>

 

The Revenger: What point does this have, you know, to the NACW?

 

Blood Boy: None, we're just playing around.

 

The Revenger: Revenge is so bitterly sweet.

 

<Scene closes...>

==

==

White: You've gotta feel sorry for a guy like Red Leaf. He doesn't know any better, but he just tries to get along.

 

Mazin: What? He's just like The Flying Scotsman, Jeremy Rhodes, and Insane Wayne! They are all retards, and they all deserved to be locked in a mental hospital!

 

White: Speaking of Insane Wayne, he's up next!

N.A.C.W.

United States Title Match

Insane Wayne (c) vs. "The Scottish Monster" Shaun McWhirter

Written by...Alan Soriano

United States Title Match

N.A.C.W.

 

(The scene opens onto the announce table...From left, Dan Mazin, Steve White, and Tony Davis sit...They all look straight into the camera as Steve talks..)

 

S.W: And welcome back, fans! I must say, tonight has been the mother of all NACW pay per views...

 

D.M: I can say something..But Im not gonna..

 

T.D: There you go again, Mazin...You are such a fucking pervert!

 

D.M: WHAT?

 

S.W: Fans, our next match is for the coveted United States Heavyweight title! The one that many greats have held in the past, and that Alan Soriano held three times!

 

T.D: Quite a feat to hold any title three times..

 

D.M: Especially if you suck! Sorianos nothing but a mid carder, and thats all he will ever be!

 

S.W: Well, at this time, we would like to welcome a man who will be doing color commentary for this United States heavyweight title matchup...Alan Soriano!

 

(Without any music, Alan comes out in street clothes, his hair wet from a shower. He stands over Mazin...)

 

A.S: Hey Dan, you say something man?

 

D.M: Yeah...Um..take my chair..I need to change my PANTS!

 

(Mazin runs off as Alan shakes his head, and then the hands of Tony Davis and Steve White...)

 

S.W: Great of you to be here to watch this match!

 

A.S: Besides the World Title match, this match interested me the most. Two great competitors fighting for a great title.

 

S.W: Without further adue..

 

("Iron Man" by Black Sabbath plays as the scene changes to the ring, where the ring announcer holds a card and a mic...)

 

Ann: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS MATCH IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL..AND IS FOR THE NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING UNITED STATES TITLE! INTRODUCING FIRST, THE CHALLENGER....HE COMES TO THE RING AT A WEIGHT OF 267 LBS..THE SCOTTISH MONSTER...SHAUN MCWHIRTER!

 

(McWhirter comes out to a mixed reaction as he takes long strides to the ring, and a mean look at Soriano over at the announce table...He steps into the ring..."12: by ICP then begins to play...)

 

Ann: AND HIS OPPONENT...THE CHAMPION..HE WEIGHS IN AT 285 LBS....ACCOMPANIED BY LITTLE DOLL..INSANE WAYNE!!!

 

(Huge pop for this guy as he comes out in his customary Straight Jacket with the US Belt on his shoulder....He stares down McWhirter and crawls into the ring..He listens to "advice" from Little Doll, but McWhirter attacks him before the bell...)

 

*ding*

 

S.W: And here we go fans! This is for the US strap..And McWhirter making an aggressive stand! Wayne still in the jacket, and the title has been snatched up by the ring girl for safe keeping! McWhirter..off the ropes..LOU THESZ PRESS!! And now hammering on Wayne, whos still in that jacket! McWHirter lifts Wayne up...OOOH! Belly to Belly suplex! Cover...And not even a count! Wayne kicks out! And Wayne...THROWS OFF THAT CANVAS JACKET! And now he starts hammering on a stunned McWhirter!

 

T.D: Wayne has turned the tables..But McWhirter hits him with a right cross....NO EFFECT! Another...WAYNE LAUGHING!

 

A.S: Wayne has a high pain threshold, which can help him out with long matches....

 

S.W: And Wayne...CLOTHESLINES MCWHIRTER OUT OF THE RING! McWhirter dazed on the floor....Wayne off the opposite ropes...Baseball slide! And he kicks McWhirter right in the head! Wayne..Behind McWhirter....Pushing him...and..Throws him into those steel stairs! And Wayne now laying the boots to his head!

 

T.D: Wayne a very aggressive character, and showing it tonight!

 

A.S: When the strap is on the line, you cant be anything but...

 

S.W: LOOK AT THAT!

 

T.D: Wayne nailing the running knee! Now rolling McWHirter back into the ring...Wayne climbing the turnbuckle...Whats he up to?

 

A.S: Wayne not known as an aerialist, and McWhirter is recovering!

 

S.W: BUT NO MATTER BECAUSE WAYNE JUST NAILED A FLYING LARIAT! Cover by Wayne...

 

1

 

2

 

S.W: Not quite! McWhirter slips out...Amzing show of agility shown by Wayne, a big man. And Wayne crawling over to a corner now, where it appears he is um...Conversing with Little Doll...McWhirter recovering...Now storming over to Wayne..His back is turned...

 

T.D: WOAH! WAYNE WITH A LOW BLOW..And now thanking Little Doll for warning him....Wayne up now...Laughing as he hooks McWhirter...DDT! Cover...

 

1

 

2

 

S.W: And a kickout by the Scottish Monster! And Wayne...That scream was in frustration..

 

T.D: You sure, man?

 

S.W: Smart ass...

 

A.S: Wayne has really impressed me tonight...

 

S.W:Wayne picks up a groggy McWhirter..Whip to the corner...Wayne charges...AVALANCHE..MISSED! McWhirter Moves! Wayne stunned, and McWhirter getting his second wind..NAILS A BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX! Wayne quickly up, but SO IS MCWHIRTER..AND WAYNE RUNS RIGHT INTO A BELLY TO BELLY!

 

T.D: Woah! The ring moved on that one!

 

S.W: He has Wayne by the hair...Hooks him...FISHERMANS SUPLEX! BRIDGE!

 

1

 

2

 

S.W: NEW CHAMP..NO!!! Wayne kicks out! And McWHirter up....DRAGGING THE THUMB ACROSS THE THROAT! HES SIGNALING FOR THE SCOTTISH HANGOVER! Wayne stumbling to his feet...McWhirter....HE NAILED IT! THE HANGOVER! THE HANGOVER! Cover by McWhirter! Thats gotta be it!

 

T.D: WE HAVE A NEW CHAMP...

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

A.S: HIS FOOT..

3

 

S.W: NO! Referee Mikey Johnson sees Waynes foot on the ropes! SOOO CLOSE!

 

T.D: We almost had a new champion..

 

A.S: But a great job by the current one of breaking the count!

 

S.W: Wayne, exhausted, flops out of the ring now...Whats McWhirter doing...

 

T.D: This doesent look wise...

 

S.W: MCWHIRTER TAKING TO THE AIR..HE NAI...

 

(THWACK)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

(The scene returns to the match after the static clears...McWhirter and Wayne are on the floor...A piece of a table cracked under Insane Waynes head..The announce table, that is...McWhirter rolls into the ring...And Mikey Johnson is heard counting...)

 

Ref: 7.........8

 

S.W: Fans, we apoligize..part of our table has been busted by..Insane Waynes head after an amzing Tope Suicida landed by McWhirter, who has just rolled into the ring!

 

T.D&A.S: Oh no...Should get him back in the ring...If he wants the title...

 

Ref: 9......10....(Waving Arms) THATS IT!

 

*dingdingding*

 

S.W: And the ref has called for the bell..And McWhirter barely coming to his senses...Wayne is out here..

 

Wayne: Ugggghhh...Arrggghh...

 

S.W: Trying to stand..Heres the official word...

 

Ann: THE WINNER OF THIS BOUT AS A RESULT OF A COUNTOUT....THE SCOTTISH MONSTER..SHAUN MCWHIRTER! HOWEVER, A TITLE CAN *NOT* CHANGE HANDS ON A COUNTOUT, SO, STILL UNITED STATES CHAMPION..INSANE WAYNE!

 

T.D: And, now it appears Shaun realizes what he has just done...

 

(McWhirter, who is up now, pounds down on the ropes, and leaves the ring in disgust..but the camera catches another thing of interest...)

 

S.W: And McWHirter leav...Wait a minute..coming down the opposite isle...ITS JEREMY RHODES! And, he is carrying a bucket of something...Limping and bleeding..

 

T.D: This looks like trouble...

 

("12" by ICP plays as Wayne stumbles into the ring and holds up his title in one arm, and Little Doll in the other as he recovers his straight jacket and starts to leave the ring...He doesent notice Rhodes coming up behind him...)

 

T.D: LOOK OUT WAYNE!

 

S.W: Rhodes sneaking up...CLoser...Wayne all of a sudden looking quite paranoid..Turns around...OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! RHODES JUST DRENCHED WAYNE IN WHAT APPEARS TO BE....

 

A.S: Blood...that's gotta be his own blood from that falls-count-anywhere match earlier tonight! Only Rhodes is psychotic enough to fill a bucket with his own blood!

 

T.D: OH MY LORD...And now Rhodes has a mic...

 

(Wayne stands in the ring, fuming as Rhodes leaves..But, as Rhodes stumbles out of the Kingdome, he utters some words to Wayne with a mic..)

 

Rhodes: Crimson Rain, Wayne! That's your future, Wayne! That's your fucking future! That belt is mine...CRIMSON RAIN!

 

(Rhodes hobbles to the back as Wayne sits fetal position in the ring, clutching Little Doll, obviously traumatized...Then, he starts to laugh....He continues laughing as he leaves the ring....)

 

S.W: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be back shortly..I would like to thank Alan Soriano for being here with us...And see if you can find Mazin, will ya?

 

A.S: Ill try...

 

(Alan leaves..)

 

S.W: Fans, more on the way! Stay tuned!

 

N.A.C.W.

Official Result...

Winner: Shaun McWhirter via countout (Insane Wayne retains the title).

Time of Fall: 14:23.

Official Result...

N.A.C.W.

((A man appears on the stage next to the video wall to the left. Everything is already set up, and Ozzy Osbourne's backup band, which includes, for one night, NACW Commissioner Shawn Coats on the drums, is ready. The man takes the microphone...))

 

Man: Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome our musical guest for the evening...the one, the only, the legend...OZZY FUCKIN' OSBOURNE!

 

((Ozzy Osbourne then walks out of the entrance, grinning at the positive reaction he's getting. He walks up to the microphone))

 

Ozzy Osbourne: Okay, all right, by request of my guest drummer and quite a few guys in the back, we're going to be doing songs completely off of the Ozzman Cometh CD...well, except for this one!

 

(("Suicide Solution" starts off the concert, which is from the Blizzard of Ozz CD. Ozzy follows that one up with an awesome redition of "War Pigs," and then "Black Sabbath." Following that, it's "Goodbye to Romance," and then "Over the Mountain." "Mr. Crowley" is up next, and then, possibly one of the best versions of "Paranoid" you're ever going to here. After that, he starts going in reverse order off the CD; "Back On Earth," "I Just Want You," a break from the Ozzman Cometh CD for "Perry Mason," then back to Ozzman Cometh with "I Don't Want To Change The World," and then "Mama, I'm Coming Home"))

 

Osbourne: Look's like we've got a fuckin' rowdy crowd here. You people are great!

 

((Back to the music. "Bark At The Moon" is next, followed by "No More Tears," "Shot In The Dark," and "Crazy Babies." Suddenly, Ozzy stops, asks for quiet, and since he's the damn man, he's got it))

 

Osbourne: Now, when we start up this next song, a big guy, about 6'11", 278 pounds, he's going to walk out of that entrance, all of you are going to cheer your damn heads off, and then, that ring announcer guy is going to talk during the song, so just expect that, okay?

 

N.A.C.W.

Main Event

World Title Match

"Superbeast" Billy Classon (c) vs. "Big Dog" Justin Russell

Written by...Shawn Coats

World Title Match

Main Event

N.A.C.W.

 

((The crowd cheers quite a big louder, and Ozzy yells "ALL ABOARD!" into the microphone. That's it..."Crazy Train" has started, and the fans are going absolutely nuts))

 

Drew Fortesque ((yelling into his microphone)): Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is set for one fall, with a 60 minute time limit, and it is for the NACW Heavyweight Championship of the World! Garrett Kulash is your referee! Introducing first, he weighs in at 278 pounds and hails from Hampton, Virginia! He's a former two-time champion now in the role of challenge, and he doesn't like it one bit...he is..."BIG DOG" JUSTIN RUSSELL!

 

((The curtain opens up, and Russell walks out. Ozzy points to Russell, as Russell points to Ozzy. Russell is dressed in an Ozzy shirt and a plain black singlet. His right knee is heavily padded, and his left knee has one simple kneepad on it. Russell climbs up onto the stage, high-fives Ozzy, and then gets off the stage and walks down to the ring. He steps over the top rope, and raises his hands to the loudest fucking pop you can imagine...like Steve Austin and Mick Foley added together times 47. Russell makes a "belt" motion around his waist, saying that the belt's going to be around there soon enough. Russell waits in the corner for Ozzy to finish the song, becoming just another Ozzy fan for the rest of the song. Meanwhile, a split screen has Russell on one side, and "Superbeast" Billy Classon warming up in the back on the other. Jimmy Maxim is by his side. You can see Lost Metal thrashing around backstage, totally enjoying Ozzy's concert. Russell does a little stretching, jumping to get his blood moving, and then rubbing his shoulder. Ozzy finishes up "Crazy Train," and then, "The Ballad of Resurrection Joe and Rosa Whore" by Rob Zombie begins to play))

 

Fortesque: And his opponent, he is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Jimmy Maxim. He hails from Dansville, New York, and he weighs in at 169 pounds, making him the smallest man to ever hold a World title. He is the NACW World Champion..."SUPERBEAST" BILLY CLASSON!

 

((The curtain opens up, and out walks Classon))

 

Osbourne: What a fucking wanker...

 

((Classon ignores the remark, as he's getting himself psyched up. Jimmy Maxim is carrying the belt behind Classon. Classon is dressed in the bottom portion of a red gi, with shootfighting gloves and ankle guards in place. After about 80 seconds of the song, the chorus comes up, but this time, the reaction isn't as positive as it is elsewhere...

 

SHE WANTS SOME MORE, SWEET ROSA WHORE...

 

SHE WANTS SOME MORE, SWEET ROSA...

 

I SAY HELL IS LOVE...YOU SAY I MUST SUFFER...

 

SHE'S A MOTH-ER-FUCK-ER...

 

RE-SURR-ECT ME!

 

Classon then slides underneath the bottom rope. His music stops, and Classon looks into Russell's eyes for the first time in a month and a half))

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

White: Holy Mother of God, this one is going to be incredible. "Big Dog" Justin Russell was screwed out of the World title at Bad and Nationwide, he's done everything to make sure that Classon walks into this night as World Champion, and now, it all comes to the climax. Prepare for 15 minutes of hell.

 

Davis: This has been one hell of a night so far. We saw Brian J. Blottie win the rookie Rumble, we saw Jeremy Rhodes crash through a window, fall 25 feet, and still defeat both Ash Fyredrake and Darkfire, we saw Johnny Coast set an NACW record by pinning Johnny Martling in 21 seconds, we saw Dave Bean cost Alan Soriano and Chameleon the tag team titles, we saw a replay of last year's awesome Myakka Bar Room Brawl, and we saw Shaun Mcwhirter defeat Insane Wayne, but not win the U.S. title, and we then saw Jeremy Rhodes dump a bucket of his own blood over Wayne's head. It's been a big night, and this will only make it bigger.

 

Mazin: Russell and Classon has yet to lock up, as Russell is staring a hole through Classon. Kulash is telling them to lock up, and Classon runs directly at Russell, but Russell stops him, lifts him up, and slams him down with a military press! Russell didn't even need to worry about that one!

 

White: Classon is up, tries another charge, but Russell plants a big boot in his face! Classon is on the canvas, and he's begging off! What a coward!

 

Davis: Russell isn't going to show him any mercy though! Russell picks up Classon, and bodyslams him! Russell goes down and picks him up again! Russell pushes him against the ropes, and sends him off with a hammer whip! Classon comes back around, and Russell decks him with a clothesline! Classon was turned inside out!

 

White: Russell picks him up...back suplex! Classon rolls out of the ring, and he's regrouping with Jimmy Maxim! Classon and Maxim are having a little conversation, but Russell is off the ropes...baseball slide! Russell just hit a baseball slide that sent Classon into our table!

 

Mazin: Russell slams Classon's head into our table, and throws him back into the ring! Russell follows, and Classon scrambles to his feet, running off the ropes, but Russell grabs him by the chest on the rebound and lands a bubba slam! Russell goes for the cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

White: Classon kicks out, but just barely. Russell gets him up, and cinches...vertical suplex! Russell is holding him in the air, and Classon is riding an invisible bicycle! Look at those legs kicking! Russell then decides that what goes up should go down, and he drops him with a thunderous crash!

 

Davis: Russell's grinning now...he's having fun! Russell lifts Classon up again, and attempts a short power bomb, but Classon plants both feet directly into Russell's chest and staggers Russell back! Classon lands on his back, but he rolls back up, and superkicks Russell, which sends him over the top rope! Russell gets to his feet, but Classon is ready, and nails a slingshot plancha!

 

Mazin: No he doesn't! Russell caught him, and drops him throat-first across the guardrail! Classon's holding his throat, and Russell sends him back into the ring, and upon getting back in, makes a cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH...KICKOUT!

 

White: Classon gets out, and Russell gets Classon back up. Russell making sure everything is just fine...and he gives Classon a superkick of his own! Russell is now just flat out mocking Classon, as he has dominated the first three minutes of this match!

 

Davis: Russell leaps up to the second rope, sitting on the top turnbuckle, and Classon rolls over on his back, which is what Russell was hoping for! Russell drives an elbow right onto Classon's temple, and he makes a cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR...SHOULDER OUT!

 

White: That one was so close to being a three-count. Just a quarter of an inch away from scoring a three-count.

 

Mazin: Russell setting Classon up...double underhook...oh no...

 

Davis: DOG BITE PILEDRIVER! That's the double underhook piledriver that rose him to fame! Russell covers!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

FOOT ON THE ROPES, BUT KULASH DOESN'T SEE IT!

 

THREE!

 

NOW HE SEES IT!

 

White: Did Justin Russell win it?

 

Davis: Classon got his foot on the rope, and that was Russell's mistake. He didn't hook a leg, and if he did, then he would have won this match!

 

White: But the question is, is Kulash going to let the count stand?

 

Mazin: NO! He's waving it off!

 

White: Russell's arguing with Kulash, but he doesn't have a valid argument! Classon had his foot on the ropes, so the decision stands! Meanwhile, Classon rolls up Russell!

 

ONE!

 

TW...KICKOUT!

 

Davis: Not even a two count, as Russell gets out, and kicks Classon square in the head after he gets up.

 

White: Russell doesn't look pleased with the turn of events...he lifts up Classon...URANAGI! Russell has hit two old finishers, but he's not going for a cover?!

 

Mazin: He slides out of the ring, and he's coming towards us! Russell drags out table over so it's diagonal to the corner, and he's does a throat-slit gesture! Russell rolls back into the ring...what's he up to?

 

Davis: Russell lifts him up and hits another Uranagi, but still no cover!

 

White: Russell points at Classon, points at the turnbuckle, and then the table...oh my God...

 

Davis: He's going to superplex him off the turnbuckle to the outside, and through the table!

 

Mazin: Russell sets him up, and he's on the apron...Russell climbing up slowly, as Classon is nearly unconscious. He could have pinned him a long time ago...

 

White: He wants to inflict punishment on Classon, but this is taking it too far.

 

Davis: Russell has it set, lifts, falls back...FUCK! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

 

((CRASH!))

 

White: RUSSELL'S FOOT GOT CAUGHT ON THE TURNBUCKLE HOOK! RUSSELL'S FOOT GOT CAUGHT ON THE TURNBUCKLE HOOK!

 

Mazin: Russell's foot got caught on the turnbuckle hook, and he fell backwards, smacked the back of his head on the ringpost...and he falls off of the turnbuckle hook...he's hurt. He's gotta be hurt.

 

Davis: Russell is holding his right groin muscle...I think he tore his right groin muscle!

 

White: Russell is in excruciating pain, holding his right groin muscle and yelling his head off. I don't think he even notices that he's bleeding from the back of the head.

 

Davis: Classon crashed through the table, but what happened to Russell may have been far more damaging...that has to be the first time I've ever seen someone's foot get caught on the turnbuckle hook.

 

Mazin: Classon turning over, and he sees Russell in pain. I don't think he realizes what happened! In the ring, Kulash has not started a count! We don't know how serious Russell's injury is, and but it's major. If it wasn't a major injury, he would have been up by now.

 

White: Let's take a look at the replay.

 

((The replay appears on the screen. Russell's right foot gets caught as he attempts the superplex due to Russell's feet being extremely big. As Russell falls, his right foot stays in the same place, but the rest of Russell's body moves with Classon. Russell's left leg goes one way, and his right leg stays in place. Russell then strikes the back of his head on the ringpost, just as he reaches up to put his hand on the groin muscle. Russell's foot then becomes unhooked, and Russell falls to the floor, where he starts holding his groin))

 

Mazin: Russell is in severe pain, and Classon is trying to get Russell up.

 

Davis: That has to be a groin tear. That abso-fucking-lutely has to be a groin tear.

 

White: Classon rolls Russell into the ring, and does a variation of a Victory Roll, but, wait, no...!

 

ONE!TWO!THREE!

 

White: What the hell was that?! Kulash adminisitered a fast count!

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

DING!

 

White: No! Don't have him lose the match this way!

 

Fortesque: Your winner of the match as a result of a pinfall, and *STILL* NACW World Champion..."SUPERBEAST" BILLY CLASSON!

 

((The "BULLSHIT" chants promptly start up, as several fans, who obviously don't want to remain at the card anymore, start throwing trash into the ring and get ejected by security))

 

White: That was incredibly cheap! Russell tore his damn groin muscle, and yet, they feel it's necessary to lay the fast count on him!

 

Davis: And what's amazing was that Russell was kicking out too, at the point where it would have been a two-count normally.

 

Mazin: And Kulash raises the hand of Classon! Russell is in incredible pain, as he is holding his groin muscle. Kulash has exited the ring and returned with a chair...Classon has a leg grapevine on Russell's right leg, right on that groin area! Kulash, meanwhile is slamming that chair into Russell's left leg after moving the kneepad down!

 

White: I can't believe this! Garrett Kulash is in Billy Classon's back pocket!

 

Davis: And Classon is in Jimmy Maxim's back pocket! Those two are absolutely devastating Russell! Hasn't he suffered enough? You tore his fucking groin, you took away his damn pride, and now, you've got to hurt him more! Those two are some sadistic sons of bitches, and I ain't gonna stand for it anymore!

 

((Davis throws down his headset as he is now able to walk to the ring, just being taken off of his crutches yesterday, just as Chameleon, Alan Soriano, and Ban X rush the ring. Sensing trouble, Kulash and Classon slide out of the ring. Davis, Chameleon, and Ban X attend to Russell, while Soriano takes a microphone))

 

Alan Soriano: Classon, you little midget, you're gonna pay for what you did to this man, at Dodger Stadium on the 21st, when I get my title shot at you!

 

((Classon gets a microphone))

 

Billy Classon: Wait a second, what do you mean, title shot? I never promised you a title shot. In fact, the only guy who promised you a title shot is the man half-dead in the ring from what I did to him!

 

Soriano: Bullshit! It only took a turnbuckle hook and a paid-off referee!

 

Classon: Trust me, Alan, I did it. So, like I was saying, Russell offered a title shot, not me. Now, the way I see it, you've got about 25 or 30 more contenders to sit through before you get a shot, because I have already beaten you! Therefore, Soriano, you get no title shot!

 

Soriano: I signed a damn contract!

 

((Shawn Coats appears on the video walls. Meanwhile, EMT's have appeared, and are now in the ring))

 

Shawn Coats: Sorry, Alan, but Classon is right. You signed a contract to fight Russell if he won the title here, which he did not do. I can not reverse the decision, because a referee's decision is final. However, I can fire a referee. Kulash, pick up your last paycheck, becauseyou are no longer a referee with the NACW! Alan, you'll get your shot, but it just won't be on March 21. I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do.

 

Classon: You heard it from the boss's mouth, Sorry-ano. You're SOL...straight outta luck!

 

((Classon, Kulash, and Maxim, disappear through the curtain))

 

White: Tony Davis, Chameleon, Ban X, and Alan Soriano are all in the ring, as EMT's are now helping out Justin Russell, trying to get him on the stretcher...and here comes Indiyah, who is Russell's wife. She's five months pregnant, and that's why she hasn't been at ringside lately. She's checking on the welfare of her husband.

 

Mazin: As much as I'm pushed as a heel commentator, I'm gonna shoot with everyone...this is a damn shame, to see Justin Russell laying in the ring, vulnerable. The man is one of the best wrestlers in the sport, and he's one of the nicest, too. He didn't deserve this. He certainly didn't deserve this. People might say that this was part of a "script," or a "storyline," but it wasn't. In fact, before it breaks on the internet, I'll tell you straight up: Russell was scripted to win the title tonight. He was going to get the title back. But that injury...that must have torn his groin completely, and he had no choice but to do the job to Classon.

 

White: A genuine show of emotion from Dan Mazin, and they've got Russell on the stretcher now. They've rolled him out of the ring, and they are going to take him to the waiting ambulance. It's quite fortunate that we have those back there in case we need them. Russell, as you can see, is being wheeled through the backstage area, and all of the wrestlers, managers, crew, and referees, except for Classon, Kulash, and Maxim, of course, are all back there to watch the most respected man in the locker room by led to the ambulance.

 

Mazin: Suddenly, they've broken into a standing ovation, and I think he deserves it.

 

White: Russell is now being loaded into the ambulance, and Tony Davis, who has been like a father-figure to Russell over the years, is going to sit up front in the ambulance. Russell's wife, Courtney, will ride in the back with him. We're out of time, and we hope you had a great time tonight watching Ultimate Jeopardy II. We'll be back on March 21 with Sunday Night Slam Masters and a Crimson Rain match between Insane Wayne and Jeremy Rhodes.

 

((The doors on the ambulance close, and the last thing you see is the ambulance driving away, sirens sounding. The NACW logo appears at the lower left corner of the screen, and we fade to black))

 

N.A.C.W.

Official Result...

Winner: Billy Classon via pinfall following a Victory Roll and a fast count.

Time of Fall: 9:47.

Official Result...

N.A.C.W.

 

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