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Wire Index...
#1: The Crushin' Russian
#2: Alan Soriano
#3: Insane Wayne
#4: Dudley Do Wrong
#5: Bob Booreng
#6: Mr. Faith
#7: Red Leaf
#8: "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes
#9: The Flying Scotsman
==
==
THE CRUSHIN' RUSSIAN
[At LAX international airport, the camera catches a 747 landing and the
reporter immediately grabs his gear. They rush to the concourse where
Igor Kilemov "The Crushin' Russian", Wrestling's newest Superstar is
scheduled to arrive. A group of men dressed in long black trenchcoats
approach followed by the Crushin' Russian, wearing a trenchcoat, black
sunglasses, and a mean demeanor.]
[LA NEWS TEAM 9 Reporter Johnny Farne Approaches the Russian]
Reporter Farne: Mr. Kilemov, Mr. Kilemov!
Crushin Russian: What do you want now!
Reporter Farne: Can I ask you a few questions about your match at Sunday
Night Slam Masters?
Crushin Russian: Make it quick.
Reporter: Have you seen the McCalous interview? What did you think of
it?
Crushin Russian: Oh yeah, that thing. What the hell was he talking
about anyway? Does he watch the interviews or is he just going to say
the same 5 sentances every time?
Reporter: He did mention some previous titles he held in the TWD, EIWL,
and EHA. What do you think of that "Crushin Russian"?
Crushin Russian: Oh My God! He held titles in those leagues! Hey guys,
lets get on the plane back to Russia! What the hell are you talking
about? A twelve year old girl can hold titles in those feds. This is
the NACW. My dog could hold a title in the TWD (Teenage Women's
Division). McCalous thinks holding titles in the EIWL (Eastern Illinois
Women's League) and EHA (Extreme Housewives Association) warrants a match
with ME in the NACW!? This guy needs to learn how to think [and role
play]. Wrestling when your life is on the line, that is real--your pussy
ass titles mean nothing----YOU ARE NOTHING McCALOUS!
Reporter: Any further comments on Mr. McCalous?
Crushin Russian: I have wasted enough time talking about his pathetic
ass. I will waste him easily. On to more important matters, like
Commisioner Coats. Coats, this is for you. I am not going to suck on
your dick like everyone else, but we have a misunderstanding. In your
interview, you attacked who I am. That doesn't sit well with me, but
your the Commish i guess. Anyway... I do have to wrestle McCalous at
SNSM, and I will destroy him. I will work my way up in the NACW, and you
will realize that you do not have a worn out angle, but the best wrestler
today.
Reporter: What about Blottie and Big O's comments the other day?
Crushin Russian: Well, I've let my feelings on Blottie be known, and I
don't really care what the hell he does and who he is. He will soon
discover the Wrath of Russia. Blottie is not my worry right now. As for
Big O, I still think he is a talented and underappreciated wrestler like
me. At SNSM, we will both put our money where our mouths are, easily
destroying the competition. The world will wake up and take notice at
SNSM.
Reporter: Any other comments?
Crushin Russian: No, thats about it. I have nothing more to say to you.
Unlike most of you, my wrestling does even more talking than my mouth.
Reporter: Thank You, I'm Johhny Farne with LA CHANNEL 9 NEWS, back to
you Ken.
[fade to black]
==
==
ALAN SORIANO
(The scene begins at sunrise on the Californian coast...From this
clifftop location, the horizon seems endless as the sun rises up from
it...The camera looks down onto the deserted beach below and sees a man,
sitting, possibly contemplating things..He sits cross legged on the sand
as he throws sand dollars into the sea...The man wears a sweater, blue
jeans, and keeps a constant stare onto the horizon...The scene then melts
away and shows a close up, ground level view of the man, who is NACW
wrestler Alan Soriano...From up close, you can see that he has'ent shaved
since the pay per view, it appears....His hair is wild and ruffled, like
he has just woken up...He also has on a pair of old Vans tennis shoes,
torn from time...And on his face, a blank expression that seems to mirror
the calm water....The cameraman breaks the silence...)
Cameraman: Mister Soriano? Your wife told us that you would be down..
Alan: Sit here...Ill give you what you want...
(The cameraman takes a jacket he is wearing{Note: 35 degrees in some
areas of Southern California this morning..Verry cold for us!}He takes of
the jacket and lays it on the slightly damp sand, and sits down on
it...Alan, still staring at the horizon, begins to talk in a very far
away voice...)
Alan: Since Ultimate Jeopardy II, my mind has been racked with questions,
statements. I have felt anger, shame, heartache for a colleague....I have
been trying to figure out exactly what the hell is going on. You know
what? I guess some things you just have to let God sort out....
The questions that have racked my brain...Why Justin...How could things
go so horribly wrong. Its the same when a teammate in football goes down
with a neck injury...Or a baseball player goes down because of a freakish
beanball to the head...It leaves you thinking...Why...
To add insult, the World Champion of this organization...A man who is
supposed to represent us...Takes the oppertunity to just destroy a man
who made him into a star. Who helped him along as his career
blossomed...And the dastardly actions of an official..A symbol of
fairness and justice, supposedly, helps kick a great competitor when he
is down...It all makes me question the integrity of these people...It
makes me want to dethrone them from their positions of power by brute
force...But, according to another higher up in this organization...A man
who has been like a blessing and a curse to me...Shawn Coats...
Shawn, I have learned in the past couple of days to control my anger and
realize that you are only doing your job. For my earlier comments, I
apoligize, for I said them in anger. HOWEVER...Mister Coats, I WILL be at
Slam Masters..After all, this event will be held in my home county..And,
I cannot exactly say what my actions will be....With all of the anger I
am feeling right now, I just cannot say...
Anger....It is running through my veins at the rate of my blood, and
thickens within my system for one WIlliam Classon....Just pray that you
are not at the event..In fact, do not go..For your own safety..Because I
know I am not the only one who has a laser sight pointed straight at your
ass...Just watch yourself...
(Alan takes another Sand Dollar and throws it ocean bound....)
Alan: Justin Russell....The man has been a continuous thorn in my
side...Always ensuring my demise, my downfall...Hes always the one that I
have, well, looked up to in a way, repsected in a way...The way a general
in a war respects another general who has gone above and beyond the call
of duty..One who has more medals than you can count on your fingers and
toes...Well, during the past few weeks, I have put my anger and angst for
Justin Russell aside...And learned to see him as a friend...But now..He
gets taken out of the game and I am left sitting here on my can without a
title shot...And hes in the hospital...
Maybe I was to eager in signing the contract, and thats was my
fault...But, Coats, Classon, I will get my shot..Sooner or later, I will
get my shot...I will..And when I do..I will show this entire fed along
with my many loyal fans that I am truly World Championship
material...But, until Saturday, I wait..Contemplating...I believe God
will sort things out...But..
(Alan sports a sly grin)
God helps those who help themselves...
(Alan stands up, brushing the sand off of his pants and starts to walk up
a stone stairway to the parking area of the beach...The cameraman follows
him..He speaks while looking back at the camera..)
Alan: Oh, and Ban X: I caught your pledge of allegiance, and it is highly
appreciated...To know that I have a great young superstar like Ban X
behind me is good to know..And Chameleon..
(Alan cracks a smile for the first time all interview long..)
Alan: Dude, you are a trip...But a good friend...And its great to have
you behind me...Even though I would not usually let a man who wears
dresses behind me under ANY circumstances...
(Alan laughs..Obviously feeling better letting things off of his
chest...)
Alan: Sorry Jeremy..No offense...Well, I think I will go home for some
breakfast and some training now...
(Alan reaches his truck, unlocks it and opens the door and steps into the
vehicle..He puts on his shades...)
Alan: I will get that title shot...Sooner than later, Classon...Mark My
Words...
(The squeel of tires, and then a shot of Alan peeling onto Pacific Coast
Highway close out this interview as the screen...well, fades to black...)
==
==
INSANE WAYNE
<<Scene>> Camera opens up to a doctor's office. A doctor is sitting
behind the desk, looking over a folder. There is a knock on the door, and
the doctor says "Yes?" The door opens, and an orderly brings Insane Wayne
in. Insane Wayne is by himself, no dolls, no balls, no green scary
monsters. Insane Wayne is dressed in a hospital gown, and still has a
bandage wrapped around his head. The orderly leaves, as Insane Wayne sits
down.
Doctor - Good morning Wayne. How are you today.
<<Insane Wayne just sits there smiling>>
Doctor - I said, good morning, how are you?
<<Insane Wayne just keeps smiling>>
Doctor - So we are playing that game today. Well, I guess I better get
started. Last night, there was some commotion coming from your area. This
morning, we found your window broke, and a big hole in the wall. Do you
know what happened?
<<Insane Wayne just keeps on smiling>>
Doctor - Wayne, if you don't answer, I am going to have to keep you here,
and not let you wrestle.
<<Insane Wayne frowns>>
Doctor - Now, what happened?
Insane Wayne{speaking softly} - Are we alone?
Doctor - Yes just you and me.
Insane Wayne - You have to promise me that this is between you and me.
Doctor - You know the rules. Doctor, patient confidentiality.
Insane Wayne - If I tell you, you better not laugh.
Doctor - I won't laugh.
Insane Wayne - Promise?
Doctor - I promise.
Insane Wayne - They came last night.
Doctor - Who came?
Insane Wayne - They did.
Doctor - And who is that?
Insane Wayne - The little green men.
Doctor - What?
Insane Wayne - Little green men. There was this flashing light. And these
sounds. Hummmm wirrrrr buzzzzzz. And then there were these little green
men.
Doctor - Are you sure it wasn't your little doll?
Insane Wayne - DON'T BRING UP THAT NAME!
Doctor - !
Insane Wayne - THE DOLL IS SICK! IT WAS LITTLE GREEN MEN DAMMIT!
Doctor - Ok, little green men. What did they want?
Insane Wayne - They wanted things. But I told them they couldn't have
them. So they got mad. They grabbed my head, and slammed it against the
wall. And they kept slammin' it and slammin' it. And then, my head went
throough the wall! And then, they said give us the stuff. I said what
stuff, and they threw me out the window!
Doctor - Little green men did this to you.
Insane Wayne - Yep. And that's my story and I am sticking to it!
Doctor - Ok. {The doctor writes some things down, and pulls out some
cards from another folder} Wayne, we are going to play a game.
Insane Wayne - I LOVE GAME! Reindeer games, drinking games, all kinda
games. My favorite is duck duck goose. Duck. Duck. Goo....HAHAHAHA I
Trick you. Duck. Duck. {WHAP! Insane Wayne slaps himself in the face}
GOOSE!! HAHAHAHAHA I love that game.
Doctor - Well, we are going to play a different type of game.
Insane Wayne - New game! YIPPEE!!
Doctor - Ok, I am going to show you a picture, and you tell me what you
see. Ok.
Insane Wayne - READY SET GO!!!!!
Doctor - What do you see here? { Doctor shows a picture of a dog }
Insane Wayne - That's a shark.
Doctor - A shark. Are you sure?
Insane Wayne - Yep.
Doctor - Ok. How about this? { Doctor shows a picture of a lightning bolt
}
Insane Wayne - Hehehehe shocking. Hehehehehe a cattle prod does that.
Hehehehe
zaaaappppp! Hehehehe. Zapppppp!!!! hehehehehe! Shock. HAHAHAHAHA!!
Doctor - This picture excites you?
Insane Wayne - YEAH!!!! HEHEHEHEHE ZAP! HAHAHAHA!!!!! ZAP!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I just love zapping things. ZAP! I like them bug
zappers to. A little helpless bug sees it, oh look a nice blue light. I
like blue light's. Let me go sit by the pretty blue light. ZAPP!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Doctor - How about this picture? {Picture of a man holding a hose}
Insane Wayne - I don't think you should show me those kind of pictures. I
am not a homer sexual. Next picture please.
Doctor - How about this one? {A picture of a fence}
Insane Wayne - CAGE! NO ESCAPE! DAMAGE! RAGE! BLOOD! YES I LOVE IT! LETS
GET BLOODY! BLOODY BABY!
Doctor - Ok. How about the picture? {A picture of it raining}
Insane Wayne - Crimson Rain. Blood flowing. My blood flowing. Jeremy
Rhodes blood flowing. Hey, we gonna be BLOOD brothers after this. Hehehe.
I got a little song, wanna hear it, alright, here it goes.
If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could get my little doll
Just knowin' that it is mine
All mine
So if you want to hurt me
then Jeremy don't refrain
Cuz we're both gonna end up walkin'
In the Warm Crimson Rain
Do you cut yourself...on your own
Do you cut yourself...all alone
Everybody needs to cut thierselves...on their own
But Jeremy, you don't need to bleed...all alone
Doctor - WAYNE PLEASE! I AM TRYING TO EVALUATE YOU!!
Insane Wayne - you don't have to yell ;(
Doctor - Wayne, I think we are done for today.
Insane Wayne - NOOO!! I NEED MORE PICTURES! I NEED TO MAKE MORE
REFERENCES FOR MY MATCH! Come on Doc. help me out. I need you man!
Doctor - Ok, one last picture. {Picture of a man holding a carrot}
Insane Wayne - DAMMIT! I TOLD YOU I AM NOT HOMER SEXUAL!!!!
==
==
DUDLEY DO WRONG
[Fade into a two lane highway at night. Traffic is rushing by. Camera
zooms in on a battered police car pulling over a Lincoln Town Car. A
tall man in ripped jeans and a Police uniform ripped at the sleeves steps
out of the car and walks toward the drivers window of the car. He is
tattoed around his tree trunk arms, and is carrying a 4-cel maglite and
shines it into the driver's eyes. Close up of the cop and the driver]
Driver (sincerely): Is there a problem officer?
Officer: Do you think I would've pulled you over if there wasn't a
problem, you stupid piecew of crap?
Driver: Excuse me?
Officer: Shut up fucknuts.
Driver: I don't understand what did I d-
Officer: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of
the car.
[Driver's door opens, driver steps out]
Driver: What exactly did I do? Speeding? Did I miss a turn signal?
Officer: Turn around, and put your hands on the car, dipshit... NOW!
[Driver complies, officer handcuffs him]
Driver: C'mon! Is that really nessecary?
Officer: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! [Wacks the
driver across the back with his maglite] You are under arrest! You have
the right to shut the fuck up and keep your god damn mouth closed,
asshole. If you choose to waive this right anything you say doesn't mean
crap, 'cause I'll beat the snot out of you! You have the right to be
puss and call an attorney, if you cannot afford one you cheap piece of
crap, I'll kick your teeth in! If you do not understand these rights as
I have read them, shove it up your ass punk! You're mine now!
[The cop leads him to his car, opens the rear door, then slams the
driver's head on the window three times, knocking the driver out.]
Officer: Piece of crap. [Tosses the Driver's limp body into the backseat
and locks the door. He turns towards the camera.] Hey you, fucknuts
with the camera! Go tell those pussies at NACW that Dudley Do Wrong is
coming, and he's gonna lock them up!
==
==
BOB BOORENG
(The scene: An unemployment office)
A lanky pale and uncoordinated looking young man with long dark hair
named Bob Booreng stands at the turning point of his life.
Worker: (sigh) Next…
Booreng: Hi. (hands folder to case worker).
Worker: (reviews folder) So you still can't find a job?
Booreng: That is correct.
Worker: Lets start over. Do you have any talents or skills?
Booreng: No.
Worker: Hobbies or interests?
Booreng: None.
Worker: Ok, well… That doesn't leave us with many options. I have two
jobs you might be interested in. There is a job at the ACME test labs for
individuals willing to endure electric shock or pro wrestling with NACW.
Booreng: I was kicked in the head by a gopher when I was a child. The
kick did nerve damage and as a result I cannot feel pain…
Worker: Ok, that disqualifies you from the ACME job. Here (Hands card
to Bob). Report to this location, they will take care of you.
Booreng: Thanks. (Bob takes the card and leaves)
A legend is born…
==
==
MR. FAITH
[You see a game show set up and the crowd is applauding as the host of
the show comes out behind the curtain and starts talking to the crowd.]
Host: Hello everybody! My name is Chuck Stenson and it is another hour of
your favorite ass kicking preacher! Here is Mr. Faith!
[crowd begins to applaud again as Mr. Faith comes out in his ring attire
and he walks over to a podium right infront of the crowd.]
Host: Let's get the questions rolling. So, what time is it,[the crowd
joins him in saying] IT'S PREACHING TIME!
Mr. Faith: First question my child!
NACW Reporter: Hi great to be here. What is your opinion on the wrestlers
in NACW?
Mr. Faith: I believe that some of them are jackasses and others I feel
have alot of talent. Next question.
NACW Reporter: Wait. Who is who? Which guys do you like which do you not
like?
Mr. Faith: O.K., the guys you NACW stars have given the title as the
retards I like. For instance, Flying Scotsman, Jeremy Rhodes, Insane
Wayne, and Red Leaf. I know these men in the eyes of you people may think
they are flawed but in the eyes of God all men are perfect and these men
have to overcome there flaws that the world has given them and they
strive forward. Another example is the Flying Scotsman was rated number 1
to be in a mental hospital but he is on a winning streak and is also in
the hardcore tourney where as "Intensity" is losing now-a-days yet you do
not find him flawed. Blottie is not a friend of Scotsman he is using him
because of his one weakness being to trusting towards him and Blottie
will turn his back on Scotsman as soon as the take care of the Scottish
Monster. And Blottie will be sent to hell for that!!! But instead of
talking about the triple threat lets talk about my match agianst the
recently cryin' amishmen Obediah. He said He wants an alliance with
me.HMMMMMMMMMMM. I don't know about that because God said onto me that I
was going to make up for the failures of the others that he has sent into
the world to rid it of evil. He mentioned how you have done nothing for
him as of yet for except have your feelings get in the way and you ran
into the rookie rumble because of your own petty rivalries instead of
doing what God order, demanded you to do!
NACW Reporter: So what are you going to do? I guess that is a no for the
tag issue.
Mr. Faith: Since I made the man cry and his hold world seems to be
crumbling around him then I will add a stipulation to this match. How
about if you defeat me then this Holy alliance will begin but if you lose
you shall fight newcomer Dudley do Wrong in a no holds barred cage match
with him! If you do not become tough I suggest you pray to God for
forgiveness for your lack of ability to compose yourself in this war
between good and evil. You may think that your "Hand of God" shall stop
me! No! It will not. I will take no mercy on you. I will crush you with
the holy driver and instead of going for the pin I will drag your body
over to the corner and I will climb to the top rope and I wil down the
Holyness from above on you. So in closing God chose me to make up for all
the mistakes people have made in the past and you were one of them. Fight
me and if you win, I am yours if I win you will beaten to your death in a
cage match by one of the toughest sons of bitches New York has ever seen.
Host: Now We'll be taking a break and here is a word from our sponser WWF
Attitude condoms. Why use another condom to wrap it up, instead use the
only condom that can lay the smack down, down there the way the ladies
like it.
[screen fades to black and goes to commercial]
==
==
RED LEAF
<Scene opens with Red Leaf in his room... There are no lights. He has a
box covered with a black cloth...>
Red Leaf: Red Leaf here. Red Leaf has som-in to say to Man-c. Red Leaf
think Man-iac... Maniac should just draw out of the match on Sunday. Red
Leaf know Red Leaf win. Red Leaf know it obvious. Red Leaf though wants
to give fan[s their] money[sworth]. Red Leaf hope they get what they
want, and Red Leaf think, Red Leaf hope that's Red Leaf kicking some ass.
Red Leaf don't care if he take a few bump here there, he just wants to
kick the living insides out of Maniac. Red Leaf want to. Red Leaf can't
wait. Red Leaf hope Maniac aware. Red Leaf pray for him. Red Leaf can't
guarantee Maniac will leave in perfect health, but maybe with just a
broken leg, broken arm and a broken neck, send you in hospital for years.
<Red Leaf takes the cover off of the box. It reveals a cage.>
Red Leaf: Red Leaf can't wait to knock you unconsious. Red Leaf
afterwards will let his pets feed on you. Red Leaf show you them now.
<He turns on the light, it reveals about twenty rats and fifteen mice in
the cage.>
Red Leaf: Red Leaf can't wait for the feast.
<Scene fades to black...>
==
==
"THE LOBO" JEREMY RHODES
NOTE: Alan Soriano and Alexa are in this roleplay a positive and humorous
manner, but if Alan doesn't like it, we'll just say they were actors.
<Fade in. We are outside in the streets of Laguna Niguel, California,
the rich section. "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes is walking the streets, with
Leah Singleton following close behind. Rhodes is dressed in a black and
gray sleeveless t-shirt and a black, red, and white bold striped skirt,
along with black army boots. Singleton is wearing the same NACW leather
jacket as yesterday, along with a red t-shirt and black jeans. She can't
seem to keep up with the fast-moving Rhodes. The dialogue picks up from
there>
Leah Singleton: Jeremy...Jeremy! Hold up! Get back here!
"The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes: Forget it! You told me to get some exercise!
Singleton: I didn't mean walk so fast that I can't keep up!
Rhodes: Next time, specify!
<Rhodes stops so Singleton can catch up, but then Rhodes slams his
backside into Singleton, chuckling. Rhodes then sees what he is looking
for, and runs it to it. It looks like Alan Soriano's house>
Singleton: Is this what you wanted to see?
Rhodes: Yeah, this is it. I wanted to stop by when we were in
California. Hang on, I'm gonna go in, okay?
Singleton: What?!
<Rhodes walks down the driveway, and knocks on the door twice. After
that, he just opens it. He walks in, pets one of Soriano's dogs, and
then walks down to the bathroom, enters, and shuts the door behind him.
Singleton walks up to the door and starts knocking>
Singleton: Jeremy! This is breaking and entering! Get out of there!
<Alexa, Alan Soriano's wife, walks up>
Alexa: Can I help you?
Singleton: Yeah, I'm Leah Singleton. I work in the same company with
your husband. I'm trying to get a wild animal out of your bathroom.
Rhodes <from inside of the bathroom>: I heard that!
Alexa: Jeremy Rhodes? Is that you?
Rhodes <still from inside>: Yeah. I really had to piss. Is Alan here?
Alexa: No, he's doing an interview at the beach!
<Sounds of urination can be heard>
Rhodes: Ahh...yes! This is what I needed! Whoops, I think that's some
blood...wait, no, that's just some ketchup. Leah, I should have told
you, when we went to lunch, I shoved some ketchup packets down my skirt
and they seemed to have exploded in my underwear.
Singleton: That's digusting...
Alexa: I don't want to hear about this.
Singleton: I'm so sorry this happened, Alexa, but you know how Jeremy
gets sometimes.
Alexa: That's okay. Alan has worked with Jeremy for the last 18 months,
and he's told some pretty wild stories about him, so you never know what
to expect.
<Finally, Rhodes walks out of the room (after flushing, of course), and
hands a pair of black panties to Singleton>
Rhodes: We might have to wash these.
Singleton: Are these mine?!
Rhodes: Well, I ran out...
Singleton: I'm amazed you could even get them on!
Rhodes: So? I'm 6'6", 211, and you're about 5'6", 120. That matches
up...besides, we both wear size medium.
Singleton: Then that explains it. Now, can we please leave?
Rhodes: Guess so...I need to get new underwear, first. Pardon me...
<Rhodes then disappears into the bedroom, digging through Alexa's
underwear drawer. Alexa seems dismayed, but tolerant. Rhodes then walks
out>
Rhodes: I'll give these to Alan on Sunday at Slam Masters. I'll wash
them first. Thanks!
<Rhodes then exits, but not before swiping a bottle of beer on the way
out. He bumps into Soriano on the way out, falling to the ground, but
then getting right back up. Soriano just stares at the grinning Rhodes,
who then begins walking down the street>
Singleton: I'm so sorry about this...we'll see you guys later...
<Singleton then runs out, chasing after Rhodes. Before we do a
fadeout-fade in, Soriano stops and says to his wife, after kissing
her...>
Alan Soriano: What the hell was that all about?
Alexa: Well, Jeremy needed to use the bathroom, and he had a little
accident, so he borrowed a pair of my underwear. He said he'll give them
to you on Slam Masters...
Soriano: That guy is confusing. Hey, it's five o' clock! Time for sex!
<Soriano picks up Alexa and carries her to the bedroom. Fadeout, and
then fade back in at Rhodes' hotel room in Los Angeles>
Rhodes: That was a fun experiment.
Singleton: Fun experiment?! We're lucky that the Sorianos didn't call
the police on you!
Rhodes: Ah, Alexa and Alan wouldn't do that. Besides, all those times
I've given him free beer, I don't think he'll mind if I take one beer and
piss in his bathroom.
Singleton <sighing>: What am I going to do with you?
Rhodes: Break down and have sex with me in three months.
Singleton: WHAT?!
Rhodes: Never mind...
Singleton: Shouldn't you be doing an interview now?
Rhodes: Why?
Singleton: Because you're scheduled for one.
Rhodes: So?
Singleton: You need to give an interview, Jeremy. Do one now.
Rhodes: Okay, all right. But Insane Wayne hasn't done an interview
lately! What will I talk about?
Singleton: Nothing, then, I guess.
Rhodes: Wait, I know of something!
Singleton: Go ahead...
Rhodes: SCOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSMAN!
Singleton: Okay, that's it...
<Fadeout>
==
==
THE FLYING SCOTSMAN
[The Flying Scotsman is shown running down a corridor. Suddenly a big
breasted, pouted lip gorgeous blonde nur....hey, this is FANTASY DAMNIT!
Anyway...suddenly this sexy nurse appears]
Nurse: "Aren't you supposed to be in your room?"
Scotsman: "Yeah. Aren't you supposed to only be in porn movies?"
Nurse: "Why..why thats it! I'm calling the doctor."
Scotsman: "Call the pimp while you're at it."
[Nurse runs off to get the doctor]
"Ha ha..I said pimp!"
[Doctor returns, with a big needle]
Dr Jones: "Ah Scotsman...out and about I see..no need to worry..soon I
will make you feel very good. Just let me stick this into you..."
Scotsman: "Hey...this is no HOMOSEXUAL porn movie..sheesh, you guys have
sex on the mind!"
[The doctor runs after Scotsman, who runs off]
[The nurse bends down for no reason. You can see right up her skirt.
Dontcha just love the NACW?]
------
[Scotsman appears in a cupboard]
Scotsman: "Ssshhh........I'm hiding."
"Anyway, I have time on my hands. I must talk."
"Ban X...you question whether or not I am ready? Look at me!"
[Scotsman flexes...the cupboard is really dark though...so you can't see
it]
"I'm more ready than anyone else in the NACW. This has been what I've
been waiting for...been. Been been been been been. Its my first break.
I'm going to become the champion, and I'm going to become the champion.
I'll be becoming the champion, and before you know it, I'll become the
champion."
"SSSSSSSssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I hear something."
[Footsteps are heard outside the door. Scotsman smashes the door open,
and nails the doctor. He then runs down a corridor, and sees a door that
says 'EXIT']
"Right...now before I exit out the exit door..which is convenient I must
say...anyway, before I exit out the exit door, I just want to let you all
know something."
"Now I've.....had....the time of my life......No I never felt like this
before...........Yes I swear.......it's the truth............and I owe it
all to you....."
[Scotsman leaves the mental hospital to go out on the streets of America,
singing]
