WIRE INDEX:

#1: Rob Trainor

#2: Brian J. Blottie

#3: Chris Widmayer

#4: The Flying Scotsman

COMMERCIAL

#5: Red Leaf

#6: VooDoo

Part 2:

#1: Chris Kitching

#2: Obediah

#3: Bi-Polar Bear

#4: Jason Deegan

#5: Big O

#6: HUGE Jeremy Rhodes RP (I counted it at 360+ lines)

#7. Flying Scotsman

ROB TRAINOR

(scene opens with Rob Trainor talking with Prime Minister Jean Chretien

in the Prime Minister's office)

Trainor: Thanks for having me Mr. Prime Minister

Chretien: Dat eis no problem as we all know you are the most poopoolar

rassaler in de NACW and you are de pride of Canada. I ope you ave some

idea for me about someting I can do wit de country.

Trainor: Sure, Mr. Prime Minister first off, declare January 26 a

national holiday, honor Wayne Gretzky, the best hockey player ever.

Chretien: Very good. I tink de Canadian pubilick will tink dat eis a

great idea. But, I tink you also need to be on Sunday Night Slam Masters

dis week. De ratings on TSN will decrease because everybody in Canada,

will want to know about your match at Clash of de Titan.

Trainor: I agree, I should be on SNSM this week. I thought after Paul

Davidson ran Shawn Coats out of the federation, that I would start to be liked by the

front office. Ha! Look's like the Americans are trying to screw over

the best wrestler in the NACW. Patrick Gottsegen, the new commissioner,

looks like he's trying to continue Shawn Coats legacy by screwing me

over.

Chretien: I agree, I tink for de good of de country, I should flex my

muscul and tell dem dat I Jean Chretien, Prime Minister of Canada wants

to see my buddy Rob Trainor on SNSM dis week. I also tink until dat time

I will ban Patrick Gottsegen from entering Canada. If e knows what eis

good for im e will put you on de TV.

(Phone Rings in the office)

Chretien: Allo? No Bill, I ave no interns up ere that you can ave and I

will not give you immunity in Canada eder. But I do ave a problem for

you, you see de best wrestler in de NACW is being screwed by one...No

Bill, not an intern....anyways, one of de American peoples is trying to

keep im off television for dis week. No I don't know if e knows where

you can find some mud wrestling interns. Would you like to help me out

by aving de FCC force de NACW to put im on TV? As my wife ever met

Slicky Willie? Ah don't tink so, but I tink she wouldn't want to...ey I

know what you meant...lay off de Viagra Bill. Are you going to elp or

not? Fine don't den I don't care but you are not going to be very

poopoolar up ere.

Trainor: So, will he help us out?

Chretien: No e will not, I tink e ad an intern under is desk while I was

speaking wit im. E says it eis an abuse of power and de American peoples

will impeach im again.

Trainor: See, why I hate Americans? They are lazy and they can't help

you out when you need it. I should head to Washington and give him a

piece of my mind. You know who I should see if they will help me is Red

Leaf and Big O, they both will honor your proclamation...I hope. I can

see it now the Red and White banding together to crush the Red, White

and Blue.

Chretien: I'll put de bill on de floor of de Commons today and opefully

it will pass. But you know dem Reformers will not like me getting

involved in sports. I talk about Gretzky and dey jump down my troat. I'd

like to see Preston Manning even try to play sports. I tink e would end

up looking like Bob Booreng, that being patetic.

Trainor: Yeah, Bob Booreng and Preston Manning should form a tag team

called The Pencil Necked Geeks. Do you think we could send the one

rubber dingy our Navy has to the US to force the NACW to give me a Tough

Man Title shot?

Chretien: I'd ave to blow de dingy up first dough. It eis sitting in my

desk drawer right now. I'll call de top naval commander we ave....ey

Gillegan eis de Skipper ready to go to de NACW offices? Where eis dat

Gillegan anyways? E must be around ere somewhere...oh ere e eis.

(Chretien takes out an autographed picture of Gilligan and the Skipper)

Chretien: Are you guys ready to go to war? I tink so!

Trainor: Have you been hitting the bar with Yeltsen and the Crushin

Russian again? I mean what's with Russia they are a bunch of drunks.

Haven't they ever heard of A.A.? Smirinov must be a national hero there.

But I must go, I hope I can appear on TV this week.

BRIAN J. BLOTTIE

*Cut to a scene inside of the Joe Louis Arena, in Detroit, MI. Blottie

is in a makeshift ring, working over Skull Ganz, a local wrestler from the

Detroit area. The camera spins around, revealing Ken Eatmon, NACW's newest

cameraman/reporter. He has a big smile on his face*

Eatmon: Hi, I'm Ken Eatmon, and I'm here, inside of the Joe Louis Arena,

to interview the most pompous ass in all of the NACW, "The True Living

Legend" Brian J. Blottie. Let's get back to the action inside of the ring, which

I'm sure is half-ass, if I know Blottie correctly.

*The camera spins back around, to see Blottie and Ganz exchanging chops.

Both of their chops echo throughout the arena*

Eatmon: Man, those are the weakest chops I've ever seen! Look at that,

Blottie can't even throw a chop right, much less a decent wrestling

maneuver. *As Eatmon says this, Blottie ducks under a big right hand, grabs Ganz

around the shoulder with his left arm, and around his back with his right, and

delivers a beautiful T-Bone Suplex*

Eatmon: Oh, come on! I've seen Jack Daniels throw a better suplex. This

is pathetic. "The True Living Legend"? More like "The True Living Loser".

*Ganz gets up off the mat, shakes hands with Blottie, then shakes his

head from side to side twice, seemingly to ease the pain in his neck from the

suplex. They lock up, and Blottie drops through Ganz's legs, slides, and

grabs either leg underneath him, tripping Ganz and causing his face to

smack

the mat with a loud thud. Ganz is clutching his nose as he makes his way

his feet*

Eatmon: Suddenly, we see talent... NOT! A preliminary move from a

preliminary wrestler...

*Ganz turns around, only to see Blottie leap onto his shoulders, setting

him

up for what seemingly is a hurancanrana. But instead of flipping him

over,

he uses Ganz's head to push off, grabs his hair, and straightens out in

mid-air, driving Ganz down face first to the mat. Ganz's nose is

bleeding,

as he gets up this time*

Eatmon: HE CHEATED! HE CHEATED! He pulled his hair! If this was a real

match, it would be over right now.

*Blottie hears Eatmon from the ring, and turns towards him, angry. It

looks

like Blottie is about to get out of the ring, when Ganz nails Blottie

from

behind. He says something to Blottie, then picks him up in what looks to

a vertical suplex, but is dropped instead into a brain buster. Blottie

convulses in the ring, grabbing his neck*

Eatmon: HA! GET HIM, SKULL! KICK HIM WHERE IT HURTS! You see, THAT'S a

wrestler! Skull Ganz is the MAN!

*Ganz looks over at Eatmon, shakes his head, and goes to pick up Blottie.

Blottie instead drives a thumb into the eye, then springs back to his

feet,

ala Shawn Micheals. Blottie runs, hits the ropes, and then delivers an

awesome spinning heel kick into the face of Ganz. Ganz goes down, and

Blottie drags him over to the ropes*

Eatmon: Ummm... errrr.... uhhhhh....

*Blottie climbs to the top, points at Eatmon, then leaps, flipping in

mid-air, and driving his leg across the throat of Ganz. Known as the

somersault legdrop, Blottie calls it "Simply Legendary". Blottie then

gets

up off of Ganz, holds out his hand, and helps him up. They shake hands,

embrace, then both start walking in the direction of Eatmon*

Eatmon: AHHHH!!! This is the end of this tape! This is Ken Eatmon,

signing

off for now!!!

*Fade to black*

Voice: Turn that <BLEEP> camera back on, now kid!

*The picture comes back, with a shot of "The True Living Legend" Brian J.

Blottie, looking very angry*

Blottie: You walk into my locker room, like you're worthy of my precious

time. Then you walk into MY home arena, looking for me, and you RIDICULE

as I train for my match this Sunday? You act like interviewing me is the

greatest experience of your life the first time around, then you get

cocky

and go LOOKING for Soriano, get a HALF-ASS interview, and now you're THE

MAN?

Right? RIGHT?!

*Eatmon is cowering, as Blottie grabs the camera, spinning it around.

Ken

Eatmon is being held in place by the big man Blottie was sparring with,

Skull

Ganz. A wet spot is forming, and then a trail leading down his pants

leg.

Ganz smirks, as he forces Eatmon to look into the camera*

Blottie: You say I would be DQ'd if I pulled hair in an actual match?

You

think YOU can referee a match, kid? Well, how about this. This Sunday,

instead of sitting around in the back, with your thumb up your ass,

dreaming

that you're hard, why don't you come down to the ring, in the main event,

and

lend your "great" skills as a referee to the match?

*Eatmon looks shocked, his eyes wide with fear*

Eatmon: Y... you mean like a... spe... special guest referee?

Blottie: No, like the kicking, screaming, sissy you are. Of course I

mean a

special guest referee.

Eatmon: Puh... please don't hurt me...

*Blottie hands the camera to Ganz, as Blottie grabs Eatmon by the suit.

Blottie looks straight into the face of Eatmon, and smirks*

Blottie: Hurt you? Why would I hurt you? Anyway, even if I wanted to

hurt

you, I couldn't, otherwise my contract with the NACW would be null and

void.

It's one of those little clauses that Coats put in. It states that I

will

not physically attack a reporter or cameraman, unless they violate my

property. This isn't my property, so...

*Eatmon eases up, and begins to laugh*

Eatmon: So... you can't hurt me? HA!

*Eatmon spits into Blottie's face, then laughs some more*

Blottie: I said I couldn't touch you... luckily, Mr. Ganz isn't under

contract with the NACW, so...

*Blottie lets Eatmon go, who now has a look of pure horror on his face.

turns around, and Ganz grabs him with one hand, hands the camera to

Blottie

with the other. The imposing 6'4", 278 lb. Ganz lifts Eatmon up into the

air, his hands around his throat*

Blottie: ...but, I digress. I want you in one piece. What I do want you

do, though, is find the paper "champion" and his whore, and give them

this

message. Tell them that "The True Living Legend" has talked with

Chameleon,

and we've settled our little dispute, though that still doesn't mean that

won't bring a "friend" to the ring with me. And tell them that if

Soriano

wants to run his mouth about me behind my back, fine. But we'll see what

he's got in the ring, this Sunday. And as for Classon... tell him the

trap

is set, and the rat is taking the bait...

If you do this for me, I won't have Ganz hurt you. But if I find out

that

you haven't done as you're told, I'll make sure that you won't make it to

this Sunday. Until next time...

*Blottie puts the camera on the ground, walks to the ring, and slides

inside.

Ganz reaches down, turns the camera around, looks at Eatmon, and smiles.

The blood trickling down Ganz's nose goes into his mouth, and then he

spits

into Eatmon's face before dropping him. Eatmon lands, then drops to his

knees, clutching his throat*

Ganz: You got lucky, punk. Next time, I won't care what Brian says.

I'll

take you out... Detroit-style.

*Ganz slams a fist into his other hand, and walks towards the ring.

Eatmon

scurries to the camera, picking it up so it faces him*

Eatmon: I... I didn't have anything to do with this, Mr. Soriano. I

swear.

Please... oh god please...

*Eatmon's face is of pure terror, as tears pour down his face. He spins

the

camera around, and you see that he is running towards the front doors of

the

arena. As he gets to them, the camera FADES TO BLACK*

CHRIS WIDMAYER

[Rain is falling hard and the streets are exmpty, well all accept one

person

who is wearing an NACW Rain Coat and a bloodstained Lucha mask. The man

continues to walk down the street when a limo pulls up next to him he

shakes

his head and jumps in. Inside the limo the man takes off the masked and

revealed as Crazy Chris Widmayer. Sitting next to him is an agent and

baseball legend Mark McGwire.]

Mark McGwire: Hey Chris we heard you where in town and figured we would

give

you a lift. Didn't NACW loan you a car?

Chris Widmayer(laughing): I'd be lucky if they gave me a paycheck. I

got to

get to Nevada by Sunday or else I am gonna have to forfeit my title shot.

Mark McGwire: Yeah we know, we got you a ticket to Nevada, but first we

also

got you two skybox tickets to the Cardinals game tommorrow...

Chris Widmayer: Why?

Mark McGwire: ESPN told us you where coming and they got you tickets and

gave me a little green to come pick you up....

[McGwire pulls out two tickets for the ESPN skybox and hands them to

Chris]

Chris Widmayer(laughing and looking at the tickets): So now people are

paying you guys to take care of me? Is that what I am, just a product?

Mark McGwire(laughing): Let me ask you this Chris, Do you think that a

nobody like you would get treated like royalty? Just because you know

Tom

Petty and got a deal with ESPN doesn't mean your gonna be treated like,

well

me!

Chris Widmayer(laughs): Well let me ask you a question Big Mac, Does

andro

srhink your penis like steriods? I mean you've done both so I am sure

you

can compare you can do some math. Lets see 4 inchs takeaway 2 inchs that

means it doe....

[McGwire laughs at Widmayer and then punches him right between the eye

busting his nose wide open. The limo stops and McGwire throws Widmayer

out

as they peel away. They stop again and throw his mask out the window and

peel off into the distance. A local FOX News crew runs down to the fallen

Crazy one]

Chris Widmayer(whiping the blood off his nose off): Nothing like a news

crew

to catch everything eh? *grabs the two Skybox tickets and the ticket to

Nevada* VooDoo!!!! WHERE GOING TO THE CARDINALS GAME!!!

Reporter: Um M...

[Chris shoves the reporter into a puddle and looks at the camera]

Chris Widmayer: Deegan I sure hope your ready and got my belt shined up

because I am gonna be there and I am gonna make sure that I leave with

the 10

pounds of gold around MY waist. You see you and your cousin are pretty

much

done, Scotsman is about to take his gold and well I am gonna take yours.

YOU BEST BE READY BECAUSE WHEN I COME I COME FOR BLOOD!!!

[Chris kicks the camera man, goes and picks up his mask, and waves down a

taxi as the scene fades to black]

THE FLYING SCOTSMAN

[Scotsman is shown reading a catalogue with a list of houses for sale]

Scotsman: "Hey NACW. Hows it going?"

[Silence]

"I said..hows it going? Can't you show me some courtesy?"

[Silence]

"Jimmy...why aren't they answering me?"

Jimmy: "They are. You just don't have your hearing aid turned up."

Scotsman: "I don't have a hearing aid."

Jimmy: "Thats my point."

Scotsman: "Ah....ok I getcha. Sheesh it all seems so much simpler now.

Anyway, NACW..damnit what does that stand for? TELL ME WHAT IT STANDS

FOR!

Now, I've settled in, as you all know. I feel the NACW is my home. So

now

that things are going right for me, I think I'll have to buy me a house.

I'm sick of living on the streets. REAL toughmen don't live on the

streets. They live in houses, with butlers, waitresses, nurses, french

maids............mmmmmmmhmmmmm.."

[Jimmy pulls away the brochure Scotsman was reading, to reveal that he

was

actually reading Penthouse]

Jimmy: "MR SCOTSMAN!"

[Scotsman looks embarrased]

Scotsman: "I'm sorry Jimmy, but they were crying out for me."

Jimmy: "Yes yes, sure Mr Scotsman. Stop spending your money on porn,

otherwise I quit."

Scotsman: "But..."

Jimmy: "Let me guess..you only buy it for the articles right?"

Scotsman: "No..wait..yes..yes I do..wait..no...theres articles in here?"

[Suddenly a real estate agent comes out]

Agent: "Hi hi, my name is David, and I'm going to help you find your

dream

home!"

Scotsman: "That'll be the white house! Get out the maps."

David: "Pardon sir?"

Scotsman: "My dream home..its the White house. You'll get out maps, and

help me find it. What are you, new?"

[David laughs politely]

David: "Funny stuff. So I hear you're a boxer?"

Scotsman: "Pitbull actually."

David: "Pardon sir?"

Scotsman: "It was my little joke. You said I was a boxer...I said

pitbull..you know..another dog? Get it?"

[David has a disgusted look on his face]

"Whatsa matter? Dontcha like my jokes?"

[Scotsman attempts to tickle David]

David: "Sir, if you're going to act immature, I suggest you leave."

Scotsman: "Ok, what happens if I act like a toughman?"

David: "Pardon?"

Scotsman: "If I act immature, I'm to leave. If I act like a toughman..do

win my house?"

David: "Uh..."

[With that Scotsman jumps on top of David and starts pummeling him. He

grabs his hair and starts ripping it out. He then grabs David and locks

him in a side headlock]

[Jimmy holds up a sign that says "Who booked this crap?"]

[Scotsman holds up a "no smoking" sign, then smashes David with it]

Scotsman: "See that? Thats what being a tough man is all about. Now

Deegan, you think you're some sort of hotshot because you have a win over

me. Well all I'm going to be doing is evening up the score. And when I

say evening it up, I mean making it 6-1 to me, because I plan on kicking

your ass 6 different times, 6 different ways, and in 6 different

motions."

"All in the one breath. Thats what a REAL toughman is about. If you

don't

like that, I suggest you just hand over the title and shake my hand. But

you better watch out, because I have a pretty strong hand. Its a

toughmans

hand you see. I stole it off him back in '86. He went to shake my hand,

and I cut off his hand and put it.."

Jimmy: "You mean thats someone elses hand??? You stuck it on to your

arm???"

Scotsman: "You're pretty quick Jimmy. Pretty fly for a small guy."

"Now Deegan, I'm getting sick and tired of you. You beat me in that

match

due to me getting all pepped up, all crazy. The adrenalin went to my

head."

"But next Sunday, you're going to find out that the real toughmen in this

world, are Scotsmen."

"I wish you luck. You're going to need it."

"And this is to the Rebels. How about me and Jeremy Rhodes face off

against you two whiny little bitches in a tag team match, non-title. If

win, we get a tag-team match, and we can turn it hardcore."

"Now Jimmy..where the hell are we going to find a house?"

[Scotsman and Jimmy walk off, as the salesman gets up groaning]

David: "Deegan, I feel sorry for you. Hes going to kick your ass."

[Scotsman races back]

Scotsman: "HEY! ONLY I TALK TO THE CAMERA"

[With that, Scotsman proceeds to beat on him again]

COMMERCIAL

(The following NACW commercial is brought to you by the people at Prozac

Manufacturing Facilities.)

[A well dressed man with slick hair and really white smile stands in a

vacant

white room with only a blackboard behind him.]

Man: Are you tired? Are you upset? Feeling a little down right now?

Well,

in recent times there was nothing you could do if you were really bored.

But, thanks to breakthroughs in technology, today we have a cure. What

that cure? How much does it cost?

[The man pauses - smiles at the camera]

For the low, low cost of nothing you too can now post messages on the

NACW

messageboard. Yes, it is true. The messageboard is once again open to

the

public.

[Man smiles, lights fade]

(The people at NACW thank you for your time.)

RED LEAF

<Scene opens with Red Leaf at his place. He turns the grabs the remote,

and tries to turn the television off, but it won't work, so he throws it

against the wall and tries again... It works.>

Red Leaf: Red Leaf loves to have to do that! Jeremy, Red Leaf is not

from Great Britain, not from Serbia, or anywhere like that. Sure, Red

Leaf ain't no moose, no Eskimo and wishes he was Bret Hart in the sense

of accomplishments. Red Leaf is 110% Canadian.

<He turns the TV on again, browses through the channels for about 10

seconds and shuts it off, looking for something wrestling-related.>

Red Leaf: Red Leaf don't care about you, or your Furby, or the skirts

you claim to wear... Or that you lend them to Scotsman or anything. You

say that Red Leaf is a lying bastard... Because you think that Red Leaf

don't think that you can keep up with Red Leaf? That is true, that's

what Red Leaf think, but it hope that Red Leaf has for that. Red Leaf

hope that you, Rhodes, can keep up with Red Leaf.

Red Leaf: Jer-my... Red Leaf may not be with your style, with the skirts

and all, but Red Leaf don't care about your raving new fashions. Red

Leaf thought Scotsmen wore kilts, not skirts. Red Leaf don't want to

know what under.

Red Leaf: Red Leaf got to ask... Size doesn't matter? Red Leaf though

only girls got to say that. Red Leaf assume they say it to you alot,

Rhodes.

Red Leaf: Red Leaf ponder... then again... Maybe you're a girl inside a

guy wanting to get out... Save that, Jer-my Rhodes, NACW United States

Champion...

Red Leaf: Red Leaf forgot, wait, Red Leaf remember what he was saying.

Save that for Jerry Springer.

<He turns on the television and you can hear the Jerry Springer intro

music... Scene fades to black.>

VOODOO

{A black stretch limo pulls up in front of bar. VooDoo exits the limo

and

proceeds into the bar as the limo pulls out in to traffic. The bar is

called Mike Walsh's Grease Rambler and is owned by the one and only Mike

Walsh. VooDoo makes his way in and threw the line. As soon as the

hostess

sees him, she walks him to his usual seat. Kristi is there waiting for

him

at the table. As soon as he sits down a reporter comes from another

table

and sits with them. VooDoo starts to get mad, but then realizes the

camera

crew is still there and decides to let the guy stay. After a waitress

comes

by and takes the orders, VooDoo moitons the camera crew closer so they

can

begin the interview. The camera comes in...}

Reporter: So VooDoo you have a match against Bi Polar Bear or BPB as you

like to call him. And now after seeing what he had, or what his 'helper'

had to say, what do you have for us?

VooDoo: {laughing} Well mr reporter man, the Bj..err the BpB is quite

phenom...He as managed to get someone change his diapers for him for all

his life..and if that isn't worth a round of a applause then i don't know

what is {Gets up and starts clapping soon after everyone in the

resteraunt

follows suit} I say praise that mans work, he hasn't had to wipe his ass

all. Now that my friend is very very impressive to say the least. I

mean

thats some good shit right there, i don't care what happens he doesn't

have

to wipe his ass...how many people over 3 years old can say that? Can you

say that? Do you think the waiter over there could say that? How about

that waitress..well damn i bet she could but...anyways..u get the point.

Reporter: Yes yes i see, but my mom wiped my bottom until i was atleast

10..

VooDoo: Oh my god thats nasty...i really didn't need to hear about your

inability to clean yourself.

Reporter: Leave me out of this...What was that hunting show all about

yesterday..We all saw it and I don't think too many people were amused by

the simplicity of the {makes the quotes sign with his hands}"comedic

content" of it at all. You have gone too far and crossed the line.

VooDoo: Oh I went too far with that? Well i guess you're just gonna

have

to stop watching my videos, because when it gets down to it, i can get

down

right nasty{turns to kristi} Ain't that right?{She nods} But if thats

what

the general public thinks then maybe, just maybe i'll tune it down a bit.

Its like what the great shaman once said "Oked lisik gictok yarhm" You

know? Of course you know who doesn't know that? I bet even a criminally

insane reject like Bj...er BpB would understand that. Well then again

thats

probably asking too much...those 3 year old minds just don't carry the

capacity of someone like myself or even you for that matter.

Reporter: Hey I don't need the comments alright?

VooDoo: Sure get up and leave.

Reporter: Umm... never mind. Next question.. After your match with the

Polar Bear who do you plan on going against next?

VooDoo: Well nobody, I can't overlook anyone no matter how pathetic they

are. I think even the greatest can't overlook someone...well hell that

was

redundent because i am the greatest. I'll try not to be repetative in

the

future. But if i did have my choice I'd obviously like a world title

shot,

but unless you're facing goldberg you need to have more then just one

win.

I'd like to have a match with an old friend of mine in the Scotsman or

maybe

get back with Crazy Chris and have a tag match. Or something like that..

{waitress comes in with their food and set it on the table. Kristi is

gave

a fajita and in front of VooDoo is placed a bag}

VooDoo: Well this is what is left of the BpB expedition yesterday..{he

opens the bag and pulls out two round chocolate balls. The reporters

mouth drops wide open as VooDoo throws one in his mouth} Hmm salty....

{camera fades to black}

CHRIS KITCHING

(Chris and Vanessa are at a beach house in Miami, soaking in the

rays, watching a local wrestling show which is airing some NACW

interviews, and enjoying their time before Sunday Night Slam Masters

next week. Suddenly, a camera crew bursts into the room, telling

Vanessa and "The Deal" to continue what they were doing before the

camera crew entered the room)

Chris: Vanessa, can you believe that piece of garbage, Rob Trainor?

He struts around thinking he is the pride of Canada, well, I hate to

burst his damn ego, but when people think of Canada, they don't

think about cold weather, igloos and hockey and they sure as hell

don't waste their damn time thinking about some lame-ass loser like

Rob Trainor. They think about one thing, and only one thing. The

one, the only, "The Deal." I mean, Jesus, look at that pansy ass,

sucking up to the Prime Minister on national television. Hell, Rob,

if I was Patrick or Justin, I'd keep your candy ass off TV too,

because you're nothing but an embarrassment to this federation.

People like myself have to pick up the slack, not that that is hard

or anything. And a national day to celebrate Wayne Gretzky's

birthday? Well, uh uh, because the people should celebrate only one

birthday, and that is mine. I'd at least bring some joy to their

pathetic little lives. Everyone around here tries to be the perfect

Canadian, well there's only one, and V, you're looking at him. God

I wish I was American. But I will worry about that trash later, I

have better things to worry about.

Vanessa: Ha! What do you think about this VooDoo guy?

Chris: It was good the first time when he was called Papa Shango,

then he just became another loser like all of the others once he got

stuck in the gimmick with the ho's. Hey, weren't you a ho when you

lived in Las Vegas, Vanessa?

Vanessa: Yeah, but don't get your hopes up because I was one of

those expensive ho's.

Chris: Oh that's right! You were one of the ho's who charged $10

instead of $5! How could I forget that now?!

Vanessa: Speaking of Las Vegas, dipshit, your match against Big O is

coming up, isn't it?

Chris: You had better damn well believe it. And you can

guaran-damn-tee that I will be one-hundred per cent ready when the

time comes to step through the ropes. I have never held a NACW

title, but you can be sure that on Monday, April 26th, there will be

the Television title sitting on my mantle above my fireplace. I can

just hear the cheers coming from my fans that night, chanting my

name, raising me on their shoulders and praising my work here in the

NACW. When you stack up the cards, Big O is nothing compared to me,

and when the cards are dealt and your hand is down, you had better

believe I will come out on top. Big O, take this as a warning,

hell, you will get a week's worth of warnings, then you will be

dealt the final blow, in six days at Sunday Night Slam Masters. Now

get the hell out of here.

(Chris forces the camera crew out of the room and the interview

comes to a close.)

OBEDIAH

<The scene opens at a farm near Harmony MN. Off in the distance we can

see a

new barn being built. As the cammera comes closer the crew is approached

Johnathan.>

Reporter: Do you know were we can find Obediah?

Johnathan: Sure, He is at the chapel, but before you run off I would like

say a few things.

Reporter: Sure, go ahead. I'm just doing my job, interviewing WRESTLERS!

Johnathan: Calm down. I just wanted top thank the new commish for giving

us a

little extra money to work with in MN. It was enough for us to hire a

martial

arts expert to work with Obediah. Here he is now.

< A man walkes oer to the cammera. He is about 6' 3" and is wearing blue

jeans, and an endangered animals t-shirt.>

Johnathan: Let me introduce to you all Nathan Martin. He will be helpiig

work with Obediah by teaching him some martial arts tpo add to his

growiing

skill in wrestling.

Reporter: Great, Grand. Can I go find Obediah please?

Johnathan: Hay man, It's your job, not mine!

<With that the cammera and crew make there way over to the familiar

chapel.

The building looks a lot better today. A fresh coat of whit wash has benn

added, and the flowers palnted along the outside of the building are just

starting to bloom. The cammera walkes into the building and we see

obediah

standing at the podium, in prayer as usual.>

Reporter: Excuse me, Obediah? I'm here from the NACW to give you an

interview.

<Obedaih lookes up into the camera, a fire of ferice intensity glows in

his

eyes.>

Obediah: Thou maest ask me thine questions.

Reporter: Great. First of all, how do you feel about your victory at

clash of

the titans?

Obediah: The Lord has grantd my the victory, and in his name I palced the

Hand

of God on the pagan Shock. It was just one more step in my crusade to rid

the

NACW of the vile sin that is corrupting this orginization, and the many

youth

across hte world who are watching.

Reporter: What are your fuure palns now that Mr. faith, and Dudley Do

Wrong

have quit?

Obediah: The False Prophet has fled from the wrath of God. He has been

thrown

into the wilderness along with his "friend" Dudley by the work of the

Almighty

God of Moses. It was very clear that he was afraid to face up to me,

afraid of

the Word of God, and afraid that the Hand of God was quickly decending

upon

him. Purhaps now that the False Prophet is gone from the NACW my work can

continue at a faster pace.

Reporter: Well, that didn't exactly answer my qiuestion, but oh well.

question is how do you plan on handeling the Crussin Russian on Sunday?

Obediah: The Russian is truly a large foe, but David was able to slay

Goliath

with the help of the Lord. I too will slay the giant Russian. HE seems to

vary large, but in reality he is weak. He drinks too much, nad has lost

any

humanity he was once capable of. The Lord has forsaken him for his

actions,

and is now set to puish him for the sins he has commited. It is my only

hope

that the Lord may grant me the power to punish this evil man for the many

wrongs the Russian has done. I will make him feel sorry for what he has

done

and he will know the power of the Lord as the Word of God comes to

"crush"

him.

Reporter: The russian does have a perfect record, and counting his

victory in

the RRII he has a very impressive look here in the NACW.

Obediah: This is tru, but it is also true that I have a perfec record

here in

the NACW. I first defeated the false prophet. His punishment by the Hand

God was postponed by the interfearance of Dudley. The second man I

defeat4d

was Shock. He was placed into the Hand of God. So, I guess this is a

battle of

the undefeated. Good v. Evil. Speed, and agility v. might, and size.

Reporter: HE did win the RRII which you were in. Does that not count as a

defeat on your record?

Obediah: Russian, be warned. The Lord has found thou guilty of many vile

sins.

Through me the Lord God of Abraham shall vent his wrath upon thou. Thou

canst

stand up against me come sunday whaen the Hand ofd God shall decend uon

thee,

and the Word of God shall pass judgment upon thee.

<Obediah saeres into the cammera with cold, dark eyes. He slowly bowes

his

head in prayer.> FADE TO BLACK

BI-POLAR BEAR

(outside of "Mel's Diner")

Reporter: Is he in there?

Orderly: Yeah he's having his lunch, c'mon.

(They enter the diner and walk towards Bi-Polar Bear. He is wearing

ripped jeans and a faded, stained t-shirt)

Orderly: Hey Bear, this is the reporter.

Bi-Polar Bear: (smiles) Hi. Sit down.

Reporter: Thanks. First off, I'd like to ask your reations to your

opponenet's, VooDoo's, interview segments. I mean, he went over the

line with those and I just want...

Bi-Polar Bear:(interrupting) Hold on. I have been hearing all this talk

of VooDoo going too far in his segments, but the truth is, they're

funny! I cant remember laughing as hard as I did when he went hunting

with the toothpick and the pink bear came out! That was great! For his

sake, though, I hope that is not how he is planning on approaching our

match, as a joke, 'cause I'll kick his fuckin' ass! Oops, sorry, can I

say that?

Reporter: No. But that's ok. I'm quite shocked by your reaction, I was

expecting a raving madman, to be honest. I mean, after what he said,

about diapers and such, are you not mad?

BPB- No. Like I said, it was funny. As for the diaper remarks, well,

that's just his ignorance showing, and I've had to deal with that for a

long time. VooDoo, I can wipe my own ass, thank you, I can do a lot of

things, I just cant always control my moods. You got it you little

fuck? You greasy piece of shit, with your limo and that skanky bitch on

your arm, your lifestyle has let you get away with ignorance. But I

have a cure for ignorant little shits like you. I beat it out of them!

I let you realize what I have to go through, I'll be giving you your own

"Medication Time". You here me you little punk?! DO YA?! DO YA HEAR

ME?! THE BI-POLAR BEAR IS GOING TO PUT YOUR BODY THROUGH THE THRASING

MY HEAD GOES THROUGH EVERYDAY YOU'RE GONNA LEARN TO RESPCT ME I AM NOT

SOME PSYCHO WHO WEARS DIAPERS GOT IT?

Orderly: Bear calm down!

Reporter: Well, we can clearly see that you find this more than amusing.

BPB: SHUT UP! All you need to know is that I am gonna kick that Calvin

Klien reject's ass all over the ring! And before I am done, it will be

his "Medication Time", and he'll laid out in the middle of the ring, his

little whore crying beside him! Bi-Polar Bear is gonna tear you to

shreds VooDoo! (takes a bite of his sandwich, throws it across the room)

What the FUCK?! I SAID NO MAYONAISE! CANT I GET A DECENT SANDWHICH?!

(starts to cry) I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE! I'm going home. I WANNA GO

HOME! GET OUT OF MY FACE ASSHOLE! (pushes camera away, runs out of

diner)

(fade out)

JASON DEEGAN

[The scene opens to a bar in downtown Chicago. It's dimly lit, with

mainly

some lights overhead. The room is very... brown, as well. The walls are

wood,

the floor is wooden, and the bar itself is polished wood. Not to mention

the

place is _PACKED_ with drinkers, as it is about nine o'clock at night.

There's no room to move at the bar, every seat full. The televisions are

all

showing boxing, but who's fighting cannot be made out.]

[The scene shifts over the dart boards across the room. That area is

not as crowded, but there's quite a few dart players. Around all the dart

areas are tons of wooden tables, covering empty beer glasses and baskets

chicken wings. Directly to the right of the area is a big screen TV,

almost

like a movie theatre screen, showing the same boxing match, as one man

goes

to a left hook.]

[Sitting at the table nearest the TV, sipping a bear and holding a

dart in his hand, is none other than the hardcore champion, Jason Deegan.

Jason's dressed like his usual self, a Rob Zombie shirt with a picture of

Rob

on the front reading "Satan-o-phonic" on the back. He's also in a pair of

semi-baggy blue jeans, torn up around the knees, and Doc Marten boots.

Over

his head a blue bandana, with another bandana tied around his arm.]

[After the KO punch, Jason slides his chair around, acknowledging the

camera crews. He sips his beer, and begins to speak.]

Jason: "That's what fighting is all about. No leg bar into a cross

hammer lock or anything like that. Two guys giving it their all duking it

out. That's real fighting. That's hardcore. Guys who take it to the

extreme

looking for a win, without pussy-footing around. Guys like myself and

Jeremy

Rhodes. Sure, technical wrestling has its pluses, but I like nothing

better

than a good fight."

"Which is why I make the best damn hardcore champion possible for the

NACW. We have some sick wrestlers around here, and I'll give it up to

Insane

Wayne and Jeremy Rhodes for the stuff they've gone through lately. I

think we

all know who the real hardcore mother... well, we all know who's the

champ,

don't we?"

"Now, Scotsman, I beat you on the road to the title. There were seven

other men who wanted it, but none could touch it. _SEVEN_ men. Does that

tell

you something? The beatings I _COULD_ have sustained. The beatings I

_DID_

sustain, even from the likes of yourself. But I got up. That's what being

hardcore is all about, and that's why you just won't take this title from

me."

"I don't know much about the schtick you're playing, with the mental

patient gone wrong stuff, but frankly, when there's a crow bar busting up

the

side of your head, it's not going to end up mattering much. See, there's

much

more to me than my fighting skill. I'm a damned mastermind in that ring.

You're obviously a nut, Scotsman. You and your blood brother crap. I hope

you

know that your unstable friends are liable to kick the crap out of you."

"So at Slam Masters, I'm in a defense. Scotsman, I want you to buy

that house while you still can. You know, before you get sent to the

_REAL_

hospital. I mean, I wouldn't want you being released back into the

streets.

You're a star now, right? Something like that. Just keep the porno up,

maybe

one day you'll marry that porn star and live in the big house. Slam

Masters,

it's time for me to go to work."

[Scene fades as Jason goes to playing darts.]

BIG O

<The scene opens as the camera approaches Big O's cabin. Big O is

outside

sparring with Runs-with-the-Pack. Yukon Jack is looking on and shouting

things to both of the wrestlers. Suddenly Runs-with-the-Pack throws Big

into the ropes as he comes running back at her she lifts him up into a

Tilt-a-Whirl backbreaker. Big O lies on the ground in pain as

Runs-with-the-Pack climbs to the top, suddenly she slips and is sitting

the turnbuckle. Big O jumps up and then onto her shoulders in an attempt

to do a huricarana. As he leans backwards to start the move,

Runs-with-the-Pack grabs his legs from around her neck and jumps. Big O

smacks the mat with his body extended and Runs-with-the-Pack over top of

him, in some sort of flying pancake slam. Runs- with-the Pack then puts

Big O in his own submission move, the Obie, after ten seconds Big O taps

out.>

Yukon Jack: What the hell was that, eh? Maybe Runs-with-the-Pack should

be the wrestler and you should be her sparring partner. What made you

think you could pull off a huricarana? That was terrible. Kitching is

gonna eat you for supper.

Big O: I was just trying to expand my arsenal, eh. Me and Pack have

been

working on that move for a couple of days and I thought I would show you.

Yukon Jack: Ya well, keep working. We have a lot of training to do to

get

you ready for Sunday or this will be one of the shortest title reigns of

NACW history. Now, let's start again. Big O, show some patience and

think.

cameraman: Would now be a bad time for an interview?

Yukon Jack: Yes

Big O: No Runs-with-the-Pack: <grunts>

cameraman: Uh

Yukon Jack: Well, make it quick.

cameraman: Great, Big O, any comments about the upcoming match against

Chris Kitching?

Big O: Oh yah, you betchya. Chris "I belong in the" Kitchen thinks that

he will crush me. Well, he's right, eh. The way I've been sparring this

week I would probably lose to Shock. I think that I came down with a

touch with a touch of the flu this weekend. Last week for Clash I was at 110%,

but this week I'm running at about 50%. You can't step into the ring at

half ability in the NACW against anyone, even a half-ass jobber like

Kitchen. Hopefully, I can get this worked out of my system and be back

to full speed by Sunday, eh.

cameraman: "The Deal" seems very confident in his ability to not only

take the title from you, but destroy you. He mentioned that he saw you

backstage at Clash "praying for a miracle" before your match against

Chameleon. Comments?

Big O: Well, Kitchen is going to be a tough opponent for me to wrestle.

Last week was his debut match in the NACW. I watched his tape and it was

tough to gain much from it. Most of the match was of Widmayer kicking

Kitchen's ass, eh. At the very end Kitchen got lucky and cooked up the

victory. <Big O chuckles a little.> I think that if I get back on track

again by Sunday I will teach Kitchen a thing or two about wrestling with

the big boys. He needs to learn a lesson and shut up some. Nobody likes

a cocky Canadian. I think I will show him why he should relocate to the

U.S. As for seeing me backstage, Sunday when we step into the ring will be

The first time I've ever been within 100 yards of the man, don't ya know. I

think that was just a cheap attempt by a weak wrestler to get some heat

and attention, eh.

cameraman: Recently Rob Trainor mentioned something about Canadian

uniting. He mentioned both you and Red Leaf, any comments?

Big O: Well, I don't have anything against either of those men, I don't

know what he ment really. He said something about one of us helping him

get a match, but I don't have any power in the front office. It's a good

thing I don't too, otherwise I would be facing a tough opponent this week

instead of Kitchen. In my current condition, I would never be ready to

face a real challenge by Sunday, don't ya know.

Yukon Jack: Come on Big O. We got work to do, unless you want to job to

another career mid-carder.

<Big O steps into the ring and locks up with Runs-with-the-Pack. Big O

breaks the hold and tries a short clothesline, but Runs-with-the-Pack

evades, grabs Big O, German suplex, bridge, pin!>

Yukon Jack: Dammit O. What in the hell is wrong with you? Try it

again.

Yukon Jack: Bonehead!

JEREMY RHODES

(Justin's note: It's a little long, and the first 75-125 lines or so are

just things I felt like putting in there. Enjoy!)

<Fade in. We are at MTV's Time Square studios. Carson Daly is next to

one of the big monitors. Instead of writing a long scene setup, we'll

just cut to the chase>

Carson Daly: After Total Request Live today, stay tuned, because we're

pre-empting "The Blame Game" again, because we've got an in-depth

interview today. Since wrestling is very hot nowadays, we figured we'd

jump right in, but since Eric Bischoff wouldn't allow us to do an

in-depth interview with one of WCW's wrestlers, we've done the next best

thing. We've asked "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes, who is the United States

Champion of a federation called North American Championship Wrestling, to

join us today, so stay tuned after TRL today, and you can see that. For

now, at #3, here's TLC with "No Scrubs."

<The video begins playing, and "The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes enters. He is

wearing a long-sleeved red cashmere shirt with a thick white stripe down

the sleeves and on the shoulders, with another stripe, a black stripe,

inside of the white stripe (though it's not as thick). He is also

wearing a long white skirt with the words "The Lobo" all around it in

black, blue, red, and purple lettering. His long reddish-brown hair is

tied back in a ponytail, and he has the United States title over his

shoulder. He stands beside the monitor next to Daly, and begins to speak

while the video is still going>

"The Lobo" Jeremy Rhodes: So, who's going to be interviewing me?

Daly: Oh, it's the new VJ, Thalia.

Rhodes: Thank God, if you said it was Jesse, I'd have to cancel on you

people.

Daly: So, why are you wearing that shirt? It looks kinda...feminine.

Rhodes: Yeah, I know, but the directors told me I couldn't wear the shirt

I'm wearing under this shirt, so I just went to the clothing rack and

snatched this.

Daly: What is the shirt under that?

<Rhodes pulls up the shirt, and you see something that looks like the

Flying Scotsman taking a shit in someone's gym bag>

Daly: I can see where the problem is.

Rhodes: Yeah.

Daly: What's with the skirt? Is that a gimmick?

Rhodes: Nah, I just never could get used to wearing jeans, or slacks, or

anything like that. It's a little constrictive on my crotch, y'know.

With the skirt, it's just a little free-flowing. That, and I think it's

funny whenever I walk down the street and people get these expressions on

their face.

Producer (off-camera): Five, four, three...

Daly: All right, I'm here with Jeremy Rhodes now, the NACW U.S.

Champion...

Rhodes: Right here...

Daly: He's going to be doing an interview with Thalia in about ten

minutes, and he's stopped by TRL. Jeremy, what do you think of TLC?

Rhodes: Personally, I think they aren't my style of music. I listen to

more of a heavier sort of music, you know, with guitars, and drums, and

crap like that.

Daly: So, it's safe to say that you don't like the boy bands?

Rhodes: Damn skippy. I like AC/DC, that's for sure.

Daly: Well, Mr. Rhodes, you'll like video #2, and that's "Freak on a

Leash" by KoRn, live, on TRL.

<The video plays, and Thalia walks into the studio. She shakes Rhodes'

hand, and the three begin to talk>

Thalia: So, you're Jeremy Rhodes, right?

Rhodes: And you're Thalia, right? I saw you on Saturday, just barely,

'cause I woke up in the hotel at about 2:30, but that was Pacific time.

I should know better than to go out and get drunk with Scots and Brian.

Congratulations.

Thalia: Thanks.

Daly (trying to get into the conversation): So, Jeremy, what is the

difference between the WWF, WCW, and the NACW?

Rhodes: Well, the WWF and WCW put on a lot of theatrics, but the NACW is

for a more mature audience. The WWF is rated TV-14, and that's supposed

to be mature, but we've willingly slapped TV-M on our shows. We aren't

for kids, that's for sure.

Producer: Five...four...three...

Daly: That was KoRn with "Freak on a Leash." We'll be right back with

our #1 video.

Rhodes (continuing what he was saying earlier): Like I was saying, the

NACW isn't for kids. We've had a lot of weird shit happen at our shows,

like nudity, some guy popping out of a coffin, and so much more. In

fact, I was thrown through a window about a month and a half ago.

Daly: Ouch.

Rhodes: That's not it, though. At the other end of that window was a

near-25-foot drop right onto concrete.

Thalia: And you didn't get hurt?

Rhodes: No, a particle board table broke my fall. I'm only about 210,

215 pounds, but the producers and tech crew told me that if I weighed

about 230 pounds, that I would have broken the table...and probably my

spine.

Thalia: Don't those tables usually break?

Rhodes: Yeah, but those are usually plywood tables, too. Sometimes a

federation will precut the table so it'll break easier, but the NACW

doesn't do that.

Producer (now coming on camera): Okay, guys, we've got to get you to the

other room, so Carson can finish TRL. Follow Matt, and he'll take you to

the room.

Rhodes: Holy shit! I mentioned that I wanted to meet you when I got

here, Matt! I watch 120 Minutes every week...whenever I'm not writhing

in pain or out cold!

Matt Pinfield: Thanks, man. Follow me.

<Pinfield walks down the hall, with Thalia and Rhodes following. They

get to a studio next door, with two chairs placed facing each other.

Thalia sits in the one to the left, and Rhodes quickly grabs some bottled

water before sitting in the chair on the right>

Rhodes: Guys, go ahead and rest the film, okay? We've got like ten

minutes to go, and I don't think the NACW wants to waste their time with

ten minutes of Thalia and I talking to each other.

<Fadeout. Then, we fade back in>

Rhodes: Okay, we've got about fifteen seconds left, so get ready...

Thalia: Hello, and welcome to an MTV special, which is also being

simulcast with the NACW Roleplay Wire. My name is Thalia, and I'm here

with professional wrestler, and NACW U.S. Champion, "The Lobo" Jeremy

Rhodes. Jeremy, thanks for agreeing to do this in-depth interview.

Rhodes: Por nada, Thalia. I'd do it for free...wait, I am!

Rhodes: No, seriously.

Thalia: That's no big deal. My first question is this; you've got a

match coming up with Red Leaf on April 25. Do you have anything to say

about that?

Rhodes: Yeah, I sure do. Red Leaf is this brain-dead Canadian wrestler,

and he stumbled into a title shot with me, all because he's undefeated.

He's trying to unnerve me by saying that I can't keep up with him, and so

forth. The only reason he thinks that is because he's beaten two

jobbers; Bob Booreng and Maniac. If he had faced a real competitor, then

I could understand why he thinks that nobody could keep up with him, but

he hasn't done so. Fighting two guys who wouldn't stand a chance against

Krunch and then fighting me is a big step up. I don't meant to sound

cocky, mind you; I've just done a lot in this business, and I know that

I'm tough, and I'm good. If I wasn't I wouldn't be the second-best

wrestler in the NACW, no matter what the rankings say.

Thalia: He recently made jokes about you wearing skirts, didn't he?

Rhodes: Yeah, he said the only reason I wore them is because I wanted to

be a girl. Listen, if I wanted to be a girl, I'd have undergone quite a

few operations involved with removing genitalia, but I haven't. Like

I've said before, the skirt is simply a comfort thing. Jeans, slacks,

and wrestling trunks are very constrictive on my crotch, and since I

didn't want to wear pants that hung off my ass, I opted to go with the

skirt. Actually, I've grown to like the skirts. If I didn't, then I'd

take them off.

Thalia: Is that some sort of new wrestling fashion?

Rhodes: No, it isn't. Red Leaf said something about it being a fashion

thing, but if it was, then everybody would be wearing skirts, and the

last time I checked, only Scotsman and myself wore skirts, but Scotsman

calls his a kilt. It doesn't matter to me.

Thalia: Switching off of Red Leaf for a bit, can you give us a little

information on your background?

Rhodes: Of course. I was born on the outskirts of Roswell, New Mexico in

September of 1972, which makes me 26, and my family moved to Albuquerque

when I was two. My mother and father were killed when I was four, and

since I didn't really have a dependable family, the New Mexico state

department had me orphaned. It's not really a sob story. I had a lot of

fun there. I realized, though, that if I was ever going to get anywhere

in life, then I had to get out, so when I was 14, I ran away, and I

started wrestling for money, basically getting my ass kicked day in and

day out, but when you are starving, then you'll do anything for food,

right? I made about $40 a match, and I usually wrestled twice a night

for five nights a week. However, after about five years of getting my

butt kicked clean in the Southwest independent federations, I started

winning matches. After about two years of putting together a healthy

win-loss record, I started to put on weight, because I could afford more

food, and the highest I reached was about 270, and that was the weight I

carried into the UIW back in February of 1997, but I'm getting ahead of

myself. In 1994, I started wrestling in "hardcore" federations in Japan,

and from there, I moved to the HWA, and I moved to the UIW after that,

where I really became famous.

Thalia: Hold that thought. We'll complete the story when we get back

from this break.

Thalia: Okay, go ahead with your story.

Rhodes: Okay, so I was in the UIW, and after putting together a winning

streak there, I won the World Television title there from Bo Jepson.

>From there, I got into a big-time feud with Tristan Caine, in which I got

my butt kicked several times, but I ended up taking his UIW

Intercontinental title in the end of the feud. I ended up losing both

titles under rather illegal circumstances, and I basically coasted

through the rest of my six-month contract, wrestling in matches I didn't

really care about most of the time, but when I had to no-show a match

against Drew Snyder because I was involved in a car crash, I was fired.

In something of a fit of anger, I went to the GWC, where I won the

Toughman title, but after about three weeks, Tony Davis came around and

nearly tore my left eye with a strand of barbed-wire. I spent the next

five months in the hospital, where I lost 60 pounds and ended up at the

weight I am now. When I came back, the GWC was gone, and the NACW was in

business. I joined there as a light heavyweight, but I ended up back in

the heavyweight division when I beat Insane Wayne for the U.S. title.

Thalia: Brian J. Blottie considers you to be a blood brother of his. Why

is that?

Rhodes: Well, Brian, the Flying Scotsman, and myself, about five days

ago, fought in a non-title match, and we ended up beating the snot out of

each other. He won the match, but he gained a large level of respect for

Scotsman and myself, so now, we consider each other to be "blood

brothers."

Thalia: Okay, we understand you picked a video to play. Do you want to

introduce it?

Rhodes: Sure. This is by the best band in the world, White Zombie, and

it's my entrance music, "Thunder Kiss '65." Check it out.

<The video begins to play. After it's over, we move to a commercial.

After the commercial ends, we're back to Rhodes and Thalia>

Thalia: Welcome back to MTV's in-depth interview with Jeremy Rhodes.

Jeremy, exactly how many injuries have you had in your career?

Rhodes: Let's see. I've had my skull fractured, my neck broken, every

bone below my torso broken, I've torn my tricep muscle, and I've been

stabbed twice.

Thalia: Here's the big question that never really gets answered when a

wrestler is asked it; is wrestling fake?

Rhodes: Normally, I'll punch an interviewer that asks that, but since

you're cute, and you're a woman, I'll give you an exception. Personally,

it makes my blood boil whenever someone tells me that I'm not really

getting hurt in the ring, that I'm faking all the pain I've suffered.

Whenever I get power bombed through a coffin, or take a 25-foot fall,

then the armchair quarterbacks will tell you that I know how to fall, or

I know how to block something so I don't get hurt. Well, if someone is

going to throw you headfirst into a coffin, you try as hard as you can to

land on your back. If the answer you're looking for is "We're not really

trying to kill each other," you'd be right. We're not trying to kill

each other. We're trying to feed are families, feed ourselves, and make

a living. I'll break kayfabe, sure. If you are told by the bookers to

go out and lose to someone, you lose to someone, because if you don't,

you can get fired. Yes, wrestling is predetermined, no, it isn't

scripted, and yes, it hurts. When someone hits me in the head with a

cookie sheet, they are hitting me in the head with a cookie sheet.

There's no two ways around it. Wrestling is there to entertain people.

If you don't like the fact that we're all characters on television, and

that we're really not trying to hurt each other (though accidents can

happen, and they do often), then go watch "Moesha." We're not for you.

Thalia: Any parting words?

Rhodes: Yeah...you doing anything tonight?

Thalia (while somewhat flattered): Thanks for joining us. "The Blame

Game" will be back on the air tomorrow. Good night!

===

THE FLYING SCOTSMAN

OOC: This actually happened to me today. I've edited part of it to make

more NACW related and added some fictional stuff in, but the theme of it

true. Jimmy wasn't there though. Sadly.

[Scotsman goes over to Wal-Mart]

Jimmy: "Why we going over to Wal-Mart Mr Scotsman?"

Scotsman: "Toughman Championship match this Sunday...I need to toughen

up."

Jimmy: "Where we goin? Weightlifting Department? Fitness department?

Hardware department?"

Scotsman: "No Jimmy, I'm going to get a cheeseburger from McDonalds."

Jimmy: "How is that going to make you tough?"

Scotsman: "I plan to steal it from Ronald McDonald. Haven't you seen

some

of his indy work? I saw one match where he went through 6 tables, landed

a spike, and still managed to get up and say "want fries with that?""

Jimmy: "Wow!"

[Scots and Jimmy go in Wal-Mart]

[Scots and Jimmy leave Wal-Mart, Scots has a black eye]

Jimmy: "I can't believe that happened!"

Scotsman: "Shutup Jimmy."

Jimmy: "Thats so funny!"

Scotsman: "Shutup."

Jimmy: "You go in and push the plastic Ronald McDonald.."

Scotsman: "Be quiet!"

Jimmy: "And a little girl gets sad and wallops you!"

Scotsman: "Its not funny."

Jimmy: "Ha ha ha ha ha...she decked your ass! Ha ha ha ha ha."

Scotsman: "Thats it bitch you're goin.."

[Car alarm goes off]

Scotsman: "What the?"

[A guy and a girl appear from a truck, running, with a car radio]

[Security chases after them]

[Scotsman chases after them as well]

[Scotsman catches up on the guy, and kicks him in the knee. He collapses

to the ground]

[Scotsman pins him down when the girl comes over and attacks Scotsman

with

a facerake]

[Scotsman no-sells it, then belly to belly suplexes her(this actually

happened!) to the ground]

[Scotsman and Security hold them down till the police and reporters

arrive]

Reporter: "Scotsman...how did you feel? Weren't you scared?"

Scotsman: "Scared? Me? I have a match against Jason Deegan this Sunday,

and

you think I'm scared of two little runts like this?"

Reporter: "Are you scared of Jason Deegan then?"

Scotsman: "Of course not. I'm scared of no-one, especially not Jason

Deegan. And to show you how bad Deegan is going to get it.."

[Scotsman pulls the guy back out of the cop car]

Cop: "Hey you can't do that!"

Scotsman: "C'mon please..its to show the NACW how tough I am..."

Cop: "Yeah ok go ahead."

[Scotsman picks up the guy, and attempts to piledrive him. The guy then

turns it into a spinning headscissors. He then gets up and runs off.]

Scotsman: "A countout victory? What the hell is that? I want the title

damnit! Deegan I want our match to be no-countout, no DQ."

[Scotsman then takes out his frustrations on the cop, by pinging his ears

repeatedly]