WIRE INDEX: #1: The Flying Scotsman #2: Bob Booreng == == THE FLYING SCOTSMAN [There are screams heard in Wal-mart as security run in] Security: "Where is he? Wheres this troublemaker? Is he drunk? Is he one of those drunk teens who come in to create trouble?" Greeter: "No its a young man..claims hes a wrestlers..hes creating mayhem..please come sort it out quick!" Security: "Why is that young man following us with his camera?" [Security d00d points to Jimmy] Greeter: "Thats Jimmy. I tried to ask him who he was but he just swore at me, and told me to suck it." Security: "Damn WWF fans..they're the ones that caused Littleton you know! AND Kosovo! And did you know that Saddam Hussein's now going about asking if you smell what hes cooking? Plus Iraq's latest catchphrase is "Saddam 3:16 - Gonna open a can of whoopass on your ass..and then bomb you!"" Other security: "Forget the blaming WWF..lets get this wrestler and kick his ass!" [The 3 security men race after her. She leads them to the toy area, where you see Scotsman holding a furby] Scotsman: "SPEAK DAMN YOU SPEAK! WHY WON'T YOU SPEAK? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???" [Scotsman pulls out the dildo, and sticks it into the Furby's back area...then tosses it into a pile, where there is about 70 other Furby's] [Security come over and grab him] "What the hell? I'm a wrestler damnit. I have a permit to do this! Jimmy show them my permit!" [Jimmy brings out a fishing permit] "SEE! SEE YOU DUMB SECURITY FISHMEN PEOPLE!" Security: "This guy shouldn't be taken to jail.........he should be taken to a friggin mental hospital!" Scotsman: "Ha ha...been there, done that, beat up the doctor!" Security: "What?" Furby: "Ha ha...been there, done that, beat up the doctor!" Scotsman: "IT WORKS! MY GOD HOLMES IT WORKS!" [Scotsman then clotheslines all three security men. He pulls the dildo out of the holster hes made for it on his leg...and whacks all 3 men with it. He then climbs to the top of the shelves, and does a flying elbowdrop right off it, onto the three men.] "Ya see boys? You shouldn't mess with me and Mr Dildo Fildo here. Just like this Sunday, when I kick the living ass out of Red Lea..wait..its not him..its another jobber! And hes bringing his pal with him! Rebels? Rebels? More like Girls..girlbels...Bobbles? Yeah thats it. The Bobbles! The Bobbly-Wobbly-Gobbly...Girls! Ah ha ha ha ha." [One security guy starts to get up..but Scotsman hits him with a legdrop] [Scotsman then picks up Jimmy and the camera, and races off....he stops and opens a box of crispers...and starts eating them] "MMmmmmmmmmmmmm....nice chips!" Jimmy: "They're crack..nah wait..they're chips." Scotsman: "Thats what I was saying all along." [Scots bites into a crisper and it crunches. He opens his mouth, to show it all over his mouth.] "This is a simile..or a metaphor. Bobbles...in a few days time..this will be you..splattered all over the walls of Wal-Mart. I'm gonna rape you..pillage you..and rape you again." "And I'm gonna enjoy it, you see if I don't. Theres more than one meaning to hardcore, and this Sunday I'm going to show you...the second meaning. Wink wink, nudge nudge." [Security then appears racing after Scotsman, who gets up and runs off again] == == BOB BOORENG ( The camera begins to roll. The scene is a rustic trailerpark in Iowa. The road is comprised of fine dirt. A light breeze makes the 90 + degree weather slightly more bearable. The van containing the camera crew comes to a stop behind a silver tinted tin trailer. The camera crew circles around to the front of the trailer. In the the middle of what should be the front yard is a small kiddie pool. Sitting in the kiddie pool a speedo is NACW commentator Tony Davis.) Davis: Oh, hi Tom, Steve. Bob is in the trailer. (The crew knock on the plastic trailer door and proceed to enter. Bob is sitting on the 1970's style couch reading a magazine. A small ocolating fan diligently from a nearby coffee table.) Cameraman: Hello Bob. Is now ok for an interview? (Bob sets the magazine down on the coffee table near the fan. Sweat moistens his brow and slight smile forms on his face.) Booreng: How are you? Would you like a drink? It is warm in here. Cameraman: No thanks Bob. Booreng: What can I do for you gentlemen today? Cameraman: We want to get your reaction to Paul Davidson's announcement this past Sunday. You are going to be declared the lightweight champion at World Tour II. How do you feel? Booreng: First, let me say - Chris Widmayer, I wish you a quick and full recovery. I was really looking forward to our match at World Tour II. Cameraman: Are you excited that you will be named the champion at World Tour II? (There is a moment of silence.) Booreng: No. I am not excited to be named champion. I am not happy with it at all. Cameraman: How can you not be happy with be named champion? Booreng: This was supposed to be my first real big chance at a title belt. Cameraman: ...And they are naming you the champion! Booreng: The fans know me. The fans know what I stand for. The fans know I don't take shortcuts and I don't like getting by on technicalities. Cameraman: Technicalities? It is written in the rules. That is the way it is! You will be declared the lightweight champion at World Tour II. Booreng: The fans have stood behind me. The fans have given me the courage to continue on during tough times. The fans deserve a real champion, not some guy who stumbled into the belt becaue of contract obligations. Cameraman: What are you saying? You aren't going to accept the belt? Booreng: I have thought about this since Mr. Davidson made his announcement Sunday Night. I WILL accept the belt at World Tour II. Cameraman: So you are going to accept it? Booreng: I will NOT wear the belt. The belt will NOT go around my waist. Cameraman: What? Booreng: I will consider myself a courier of the belt. I will do my best to hold onto the belt until Mr. Widmayer is healthy. When Chris is healthy and cleared to wrestle. I will gladly sign a contract putting the belt on the line. Booreng v. Widmayer for the title. The way it should be. Cameraman: That is it? He gets a title shot? Booreng: I want the contract written so that the belt is "up-for grabs". Whoever wins the match wins the title even if it is by count out. I want to do what is right. Cameraman: What about your opponent for World Tour II? What about Big O? Booreng: That is the thing. Big o is a former Television Champion. He has been around a longtime. He is a very worthy contender. He is a great athlete. Cameraman: Can you beat Big O? Booreng: I don't have a choice. I have to protect the integrity of the championship belt. Cameraman: Big O is tough. How do you intend to combat him? Booreng: I went to the NACW headquarters and borrowed some old footage of Big O. I am going to review the tapes tonight at a friends house who has a VCR. Cameraman: What if Big O wins the title at World Tour II? Booreng: Tony has been giving me some ideas of how to handle Big O. I am not going to give up. I must perservere. (Tony enters the trailer - dripping wet, still wearing his speedo.) Tony: Bob will be named the Lightweight Champion of the World on May 29th. He is without a doubt the single greatest young superstar to enter NACW in the past several years. He WILL defeat Big O at World Tour II. Cameraman: Excuse me? Booreng: Ok guys, lets pack it up. (Cameraman is eyeing Tony.) Cameraman: What is your problem? Tony: Leave Bob alone. You media jerks are all alike! (Booreng quickly ushers the camera crew out.) Booreng: Sorry guys, he hasn't been handling the heat too well. [Thing is, Tony's from Texas, where if I recall, it gets to nearly 105 degrees. If you long-time NACW'ers remember, Tony Davis was the tougher, non-skirt-wearing Jeremy Rhodes in the HWA. - JR] Cameraman: What is going on between you two? Booreng: Tony is a friend, why? Cameraman: You two seem pretty close. Are you sure you are just friends? Booreng: That is not... (Just at that moment Tony comes flying through the plastic screen door and delivers a Booreng Blast to the cameraman. The camera falls to ground.) Tony: My name is not Dan Mazin! You assholes better learn to dra